General Etiquette > Life...in general

Not the back up plan

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Bethalize:

--- Quote from: lkdrymom on March 02, 2013, 11:13:17 AM ---I would love to hear some words of encouragement to continue down the Path of No. And I woulds also love a rebuttals I can give her when she gets home and is upset with me for not agreeing to drive.

--- End quote ---

Well done! You're teaching your DD to understand you are a person in your own right. It's important for children to understand that their parents are not extensions of themselves, just as it is for parents to understand that children are not extensions of themselves.

Tell her that no one gets to spend another person's time or money for them.

kherbert05:
I would NEVER had asked my parents to drive 90 min one way to drop me off at an event. 17 yo responsible enough to go to this concert should arrange their own transportation.

JoyinVirginia:
If it was show I wanted to see also, then driving ninety minutes seems reasonable. If this is show you have no interest in, and there is nothing else you would want to do during show like shopping out visiting friend who lives there, then it is not reasonable for your dd to expect you yo spend the hours on the road being a taxi service.
Tell her to call taxi service and find out exactly how much this would cost, so she can get a value on the cost she us asking you to pay.
Disclaimer: years ago, I drove three hours one way to take dd and one of her friends to see a Ricky Martin concert, but I was a bigger fan than the girls were. They were my exude for going to the concert, which was terrific.

cicero:
I agree that at 17 she is old enough to make her own plans. I would *never* have involved my parents in a 90 minute drive (good conditions or not) to a concert - if i wanted to go, i would figure out the how.


--- Quote from: lkdrymom on March 02, 2013, 11:13:17 AM ---Ok I just used my shiney reinforced tin foil spine to tell my teenage DD "no" to a request she made. I need words of encouragement to continue down this path.

Whenever my DD would make plans the first thing I would ask was what my involvement would be....am I driving, picking up, paying, times, places...whatever.  When I got answers to these question I would make a decision.  More times than I can count the plans would get changed and I would be expected to just 'go with the flow".  I agreed to Plan A, not to Plan B.  DD could never see what the big deal was.  The worst part was when I was told up front that my participation was not needed, everything was covered then at the last minute a parent would change their mind and I would be expected to cover at the last minute.  If I told her it would not work for me DD acted as if I was the one ruining everything for everyone. NO, I was not the one who bailed on the plans I am just the person who NOT available to save the day.

No that she is nearly 17 the plans are getting bigger.  She made plans with her friend to go to a concert. She said transportation was taken care of. Now friend says transportation is not taken care of and can I drive them there and other parent will pick them up. Concert is in South Jersey 90 minutes from here in March. So I am expected to drive 90 minutes, drop them off, then drive home. I wouldn't want to do that if the weather was good, never mind the potential for snow or freezing rain. (And before we go there, no comments on dropping off two 17 year olds at a concert with out an adult...it is not relavent to my post...and if I think she is capable of handling herself it should not be questioned).

I would love to hear some words of encouragement to continue down the Path of No. And I woulds also love a rebuttals I can give her when she gets home and is upset with me for not agreeing to drive.

--- End quote ---

Zilla:
I agree with others, let her find a train/bus/public transportation to get there and the other parent can pick them up.



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