What to do about a squatter? Updated Full Story on #29

[NyaChan]

I'm going to relate the story in a barebones, no details version because the full story is very long (I can post it later if anyone is interested.)

I had a gathering with various friends at my apartment which was very casual, bring things if you like, wear sweats, etc.  At one point we decided to go to the grocery store to pick some stuff up.  Problem is, one of the guests refused to leave my apartment.  She lay down on my couch, bundled herself up in a blanket, and whined about not wanting to go and we should just leave her here.  I flat out said, I'm not leaving you alone in my apartment.  This is not a close friend of mine anymore due to a past history of bad behavior, and has in particular done untrustworthy things when left alone in someone's apartment.  Saying that had no effect as she continued to insist on staying and acted offended that I wouldn't want her in my apartment unattended.  I finally gave up and left her there even though I was very uncomfortable because I was worried that forcing the issue was going to ruin everyone's fun and I knew I couldn't physically force her to leave. 

Other than staying home myself with her, what do you think I could have done to get a different outcome?

[Outdoor Girl]

I would have stayed or I would have physically forced her to leave.  Either by myself, if possible, or with help from my other friends.  As a last resort, I'd call police.

She was counting on your feeling uncomfortable and not pushing the issue.  Did she do anything while you were gone?

[Fleur]

She sounds like a nightmare. Could you either post or pm me the full story. And yes, I agree with the previous poster. I would probably have threatened her with the police.

[WillyNilly]

If it were me I would have stuck to my guns and told her to leave - not just for the grocery store trip, but at that point just leave you aren't welcome anymore.  If she was there as a guest of a friend (you mention you aren't close to her) I'd have turned to that person and told them to get their guest to leave, now, and to not bother bringing her back. If she wasn't a guest of a friend and I wasn't ready to kick her out totally I would have turned to the group and said "sorry guys, I really want to go to the store but under no circumstances is [she] staying here alone, guess you either have to go without me or we can order in."  At that point I think at least a few of my close friends would pick up on my seriousness and start in on telling the girl to get up and out.

[Erich L-ster]

I might have left a friend or two whom I did trust to stay with her.

[kherbert05]

1. Don't have her in your house ever.
2. Tell her she can leave on her own or with the cops but she was leaving.

[oceanus]

1. Don't have her in your house ever.
2. Tell her she can leave on her own or with the cops but she was leaving.

This.

"Ruining everyone's fun" should not be an issue in such a situation.

(She most likely snooped when you left her alone.)

[violetminnow]

I would turn it back on them, they're ruining everyone's fun if you can't leave because she won't get up. You're not ruining anything.

[Thipu1]

It's your home.  You CAN physically force her to leave.  That's especially true since she decided to nap on the sofa and has a history of 'bad behavior'. 

You're not ruining the fun for everyone.  You're ruining the fun for her.  Perhaps her 'fun' could use more 'ruining' than she's used to having. 

[Roe]

I would've stayed and told my friends to go to the store without me.  Either that or call the cops if she refused to leave.  (that would be a last resort)

[Zilla]

As to not ruin the night, I would of stayed.  If you don't mind the drama, I would have said, "We are going and you are coming with or you can go home.  Either way you aren't staying here.,"

[diesel_darlin]

Im with Zilla. She would have got the eHell out of my house either way.

[doodlemor]

If it were me I would have stuck to my guns and told her to leave - not just for the grocery store trip, but at that point just leave you aren't welcome anymore.  If she was there as a guest of a friend (you mention you aren't close to her) I'd have turned to that person and told them to get their guest to leave, now, and to not bother bringing her back. If she wasn't a guest of a friend and I wasn't ready to kick her out totally I would have turned to the group and said "sorry guys, I really want to go to the store but under no circumstances is [she] staying here alone, guess you either have to go without me or we can order in."  At that point I think at least a few of my close friends would pick up on my seriousness and start in on telling the girl to get up and out.

POD, absolutely.  Don't give in to outrageous behavior.

"The party is over for you.  You have to leave right now."

[violetminnow]

I think it's important for you to stick to your guns about this when future problems like this arise. I really don't want to make you feel bad about making the choice you did, I have been in situations where I backed down and regretted it later as well. Unfortunately, it makes it easier for people to put you in a bad situation in the future.

The fact that she didn't do anything this time means that she'll have a stronger position to argue from when she wants to be alone in your house again. She would be able to argue in front of others that she was trustworthy before and is now, others may take her side. I know some people who scam money use the same tactic, they borrow a small amount of $ and make sure to pay it all back quickly the first time. Then after that they use the first situation to justify why you should trust them in the future.

[kudeebee]

I would leave her off the guest list next time.

I agree that I wouldn't have gone with the others, I would have stayed behind.