Author Topic: What to do about a squatter? Updated Full Story on #29  (Read 10024 times)

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gramma dishes

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Re: What to do about a squatter?
« Reply #15 on: March 02, 2013, 11:14:28 PM »
It's easy for me to sit here and say "Yeah, I'd have gotten her out of there one way or the other!"  But in reality, these things are often so unexpected that your mind kind of goes blank. 

It's too late now to second guess what has already been done.  But I will say this.  I would never allow this person in my home again under ANY circumstances.  You don't mention if she was actually an invited (by you) guest or if she just tagged along with someone else.  But she'd be permanently crossed off my guest list and if someone else were to arrive with her in tow, I'd just say "I'm sorry, but this is a closed party for invited guests only" and calmly close the door on both of them. 

You have no idea what she really did while you were gone.  That would make me incredibly uncomfortable and I'd be darned determined that I'd never allow that situation to happen again.

blarg314

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Re: What to do about a squatter?
« Reply #16 on: March 03, 2013, 01:16:37 AM »

I think I would have probably stayed with her that time (to avoid a messy fight/police call for the sake of the other friends), but she would have been permanently off my guest list, and not allowed in my apartment even if she came along with a group. And for that one, I'd be ready for the fight/police call to back it up.


Morrigan

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Re: What to do about a squatter?
« Reply #17 on: March 03, 2013, 12:26:16 PM »
If she wasn't a friend, I would have told her flatly "Get out, now.  Before I call the police.  You aren't welcome here."

Deetee

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Re: What to do about a squatter?
« Reply #18 on: March 03, 2013, 01:08:03 PM »
I'm with gramma dishes. I would find it very difficult to get rid of someone ( unless I truly feared they would steal stuff). However, they would never, never be invited back.

Actually, as I think about it, I doubt I would have someone in my house who I wouldn't leave alone anyhow.

lady_disdain

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Re: What to do about a squatter?
« Reply #19 on: March 03, 2013, 01:53:40 PM »
Count me among those who would have stayed in the apartment and asked the rest of the group to get me something. As soon as everyone was out, boy, would she get it. I am quite willing to say that she would have left by the time the rest returned and no one would have had to witness the scene.

Amara

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Re: What to do about a squatter?
« Reply #20 on: March 03, 2013, 02:32:14 PM »
OP, I agree that she should have been forced out and should never be invited again. That said, I have a couple of questions (which may be part of the background). First, how did the other people react to her announcement? Second, has she pulled this or similar behavior before with you and/or others?

TootsNYC

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Re: What to do about a squatter?
« Reply #21 on: March 04, 2013, 12:00:21 PM »
I would turn it back on them, they're ruining everyone's fun if you can't leave because she won't get up. You're not ruining anything.

Yep. Put the blame on her where it belongs.

And I'd have stayed and let everyone else go without me.

LazyDaisy

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Re: What to do about a squatter?
« Reply #22 on: March 04, 2013, 12:20:57 PM »
Count me among those who would have stayed in the apartment and asked the rest of the group to get me something. As soon as everyone was out, boy, would she get it. I am quite willing to say that she would have left by the time the rest returned and no one would have had to witness the scene.
This is what I'd do too. Let everyone else go on ahead and have it out in private with the squatter. How to get her out without resorting to the police or getting physical? She was all comfortable on the couch with the blanket?...put her shoes, coat and purse outside, take the blanket, open the windows, turn on the air conditioner, turn off the TV, turn off all the lights (or on, which ever makes her more uncomfortable), sing "99 bottles of beer on the wall", burn popcorn in the microwave. Make her want to leave.
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." — Douglas Adams

MindsEye

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Re: What to do about a squatter?
« Reply #23 on: March 04, 2013, 12:43:23 PM »
I finally gave up and left her there even though I was very uncomfortable because I was worried that forcing the issue was going to ruin everyone's fun and I knew I couldn't physically force her to leave

Why couldn't you physically force this person to leave?  Is this person so big, and are you so small, that you didn't think you would be strong enough?  Did you think that they would actively resist being forced to move?   :-\

What was the reaction of the rest of the group to this person? 

I ask because once (many years ago when I was just out of college) I was in a position almost identical to yours... except that I unceremoniously grabbed the offender by the ankles, pulled her off the couch and dragged her out the front door.  I also had the support of the rest of the group, as they were all pretty disgusted by the way that the offender was behaving.

alkira6

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Re: What to do about a squatter?
« Reply #24 on: March 04, 2013, 01:20:54 PM »
I finally gave up and left her there even though I was very uncomfortable because I was worried that forcing the issue was going to ruin everyone's fun and I knew I couldn't physically force her to leave

Why couldn't you physically force this person to leave?  Is this person so big, and are you so small, that you didn't think you would be strong enough?  Did you think that they would actively resist being forced to move?   :-\

What was the reaction of the rest of the group to this person? 

I ask because once (many years ago when I was just out of college) I was in a position almost identical to yours... except that I unceremoniously grabbed the offender by the ankles, pulled her off the couch and dragged her out the front door.  I also had the support of the rest of the group, as they were all pretty disgusted by the way that the offender was behaving.

And this is how I had the police called on me and was nearly charged with assault.  In quite a bit of the US putting your hands on someone when you are not under immediate threat is considered assault.  If you have the type of person who is insisting on exercising her rights to something (YOUR HOME) that is not truly hers, what do you think she would do if she really thought that she had been wronged?

If you are not willing to escalate it to the level of calling the police non-emergency line, your best bet is to stay there if she absolutely refuses to leave and at the end of the night make it absolutely clear in small words that she is never welcome in your home ever again. Be prepared to meet her at the door and absolutely refuse to let her pass your doorway. make sure that your friends understand this also.

Lynn2000

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Re: What to do about a squatter?
« Reply #25 on: March 04, 2013, 01:33:00 PM »
I think I would have either stayed there with her myself, or gotten someone else in the group to stay with her--preferably whoever brought her. And then never invited her back, or let her back in if she just showed up.

Although I think it would be acceptable to send her home right then, I'm not sure I would really be able to do it if she just rolled over and refused to listen to me, because I'm not really the type to pick someone up and toss them out, you know? She was definitely the one being bratty and I could totally picture this happening at a high school or college party, especially if the person is tired or not feeling well. Which is no excuse, they shouldn't have come in that case, but using those excuses can be an attempt to make the person who wants them to leave feel bad and change their mind.
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Amara

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Re: What to do about a squatter?
« Reply #26 on: March 04, 2013, 01:37:03 PM »
I suppose one could always get out the vacuum and have to vacuum and re-vacuum that one spot on the sofa right next to her ears?  >:D

Mikayla

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Re: What to do about a squatter?
« Reply #27 on: March 04, 2013, 02:57:36 PM »

I think I would have probably stayed with her that time (to avoid a messy fight/police call for the sake of the other friends), but she would have been permanently off my guest list, and not allowed in my apartment even if she came along with a group. And for that one, I'd be ready for the fight/police call to back it up.

This is where I land.  I guess if you follow strict etiquette, a guest shouldn't be forced to go on an unanticipated jaunt to the store, so I'd either stay myself, or quietly ask one of my closer friends to stay behind.

But that would be just to avoid unpleasantness.  After that, I'd not want her in my home and she'd be told this if necessary.

SoCalVal

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Re: What to do about a squatter?
« Reply #28 on: March 04, 2013, 03:06:45 PM »
I would've made the person leave -- either by his/her own volition or calling the cops.  I had to do this when I was 16 years old, and the person wouldn't leave when I told him to leave.  I told him if he didn't leave, I'd call the police, and he responded, "So call the police."  So,  I left (leaving the friend who came home with me to keep an eye on the guy) and went to call the cops (this was 20+ years ago, and my home didn't have a phone).  When I returned, the guy was gone (he asked my friend where I'd gone, and my friend said, "To call the police" so the guy left).  This was a guy who once was permitted into my home (really, my parents' home) because he was friends with other people and not only proved to not be trustworthy but, that evening, had gotten into my home because he broke in (no sign of forced entry so I'm pretty sure he jimmied open a window or something like that).  I don't think I ever saw him again after that (he was told prior to that evening he was not welcome in my home ever again).



NyaChan

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Re: What to do about a squatter?
« Reply #29 on: March 04, 2013, 06:17:14 PM »

I guess the context might change things, but it really was long – here it goes.  The gathering was meant to be low key, wear pjs, stay the night where we play a drinking game that holds a lot of nostalgia for us.  I specifically told people that they should stay the night if they are going to take part in the games so that there are no worries about getting home safely.  It was potluck style – I provided enough alcohol to cover the games and dessert.  Others brought other forms of alcohol and snacks. This girl brought nothing.

An hour and a half before the party, I get at text from one of the girls who I am less close to but lives a 10 minute walk away informing me that she "may have pre gamed.  Heavily."  So I asked if someone was picking her up on their way to my house.  She responds that she should be okay by the start time and that really she was only "momentarily tipsy." She tends to exaggerate for comedic effect so I took her at her word.  Then she texts asking if she can come over early.   :o  I told her that she could if she sobered up first because I didn't want to worry about her driving otherwise.  Background:  This person has a history of drunk driving - it is a pity she has never been caught because she seems to find it funny to relate stories of how she doesn't even remember how she got home last night.  She is too cheap to take a taxi but refuses to adjust her drinking to fit her ability to drive herself home, i.e. she knows she's driving but she will drink as much people who are taking cabs because in her opinion "it isn't fair" that they get to drink more, even if she's committed to being the DD. 

She later shows up at my apartment and first I'm relieved that she waited before coming over - then I realize as we chat and I'm finishing my food prep that she has actually spent her evening having multiple drinks at a bar before coming over. She is not only tipsy, but talking too loud and getting a bit emotional.  I'm pretty angry at this point, because in my opinion, she should not have been driving.  She then proceeds to eat a significant portion of the snacks I had put out for the party leaving me to worry that people were going to think that I didn't provide any snacks. Ex: A large bowl full of candy was eaten by the hand full until less than half was left by the time people arrived.  Don't get me started on the Oreos.  Her comments indicated that she was trying to soak up the alcohol. 

Once people start arriving she drinks right alongside everyone even though she reveals she has at least a 4 drink head start and starts complaining that she is tired.  Luckily she stops drinking (I was wondering whether I was going to have to cut her off even if I had told them they could stay the night rather than drive home) and switches to soda and seemed to be sobering up.  When the last friend arrived late (she warned me ahead of time), she suggested we make a run to the grocery store before it closed and while we had a sober driver.  Everyone agreed, the girl even suggested items we should get.  Only problem is that she follows it up with saying that she doesn't actually want to come.  She starts whining about how she just wants to stay in my apartment by herself while we pick up things.  She actually lay down on my couch, grabbed a blanket and bundled herself up in it while insisting "I'm not going, I can stay here, just go."   I try to insist because I am not comfortable with her being in my apartment alone.  My other friends told her to just get up and come, I told her she could just stay in the car while the rest of us ran in if she wanted, but that I’m not leaving her in my apartment. It becomes clear that if I make an issue of it, it is going to be a Big Deal in the middle of what has otherwise been really fun for everyone so I drop it, but made it clear that I was not happy with the situation. 

I couldn’t ask her to leave altogether because 1) in our group of friends it is unprecedented, 2) everyone would have seen it as an overreaction and 3) most importantly, I genuinely wouldn’t have felt comfortable letting her drive after she had been drinking.  As we walked out, my friend Jenny (from other threads) pointed out that she could totally understand why I would be particularly uncomfortable leaving this person alone in my apartment in light of what had happened in the past with her.  I had actually told this girl in other circumstances that I would never want to have her in my apartment alone.  Another friend said that the girl was being ridiculous, that it was my apartment, and she should have gotten up and left when I asked her to.  In the car, yet another friend revealed that this girl said something hurtful to her (while I was out of earshot or I would have intervened) earlier in the evening.  We finished our shopping trip, returned to find her still on the couch, and continued the evening.  As far as I know, she did not cause anyone any more problems.