Author Topic: What to do about a squatter? Updated Full Story on #29  (Read 9342 times)

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LazyDaisy

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Re: What to do about a squatter?
« Reply #30 on: March 04, 2013, 06:27:50 PM »

I guess the context might change things, but it really was long – here it goes.  The gathering was meant to be low key, wear pjs, stay the night where we play a drinking game that holds a lot of nostalgia for us.  I specifically told people that they should stay the night if they are going to take part in the games so that there are no worries about getting home safely.  It was potluck style – I provided enough alcohol to cover the games and dessert.  Others brought other forms of alcohol and snacks. This girl brought nothing.

An hour and a half before the party, I get at text from one of the girls who I am less close to but lives a 10 minute walk away informing me that she "may have pre gamed.  Heavily."  So I asked if someone was picking her up on their way to my house.  She responds that she should be okay by the start time and that really she was only "momentarily tipsy." She tends to exaggerate for comedic effect so I took her at her word.  Then she texts asking if she can come over early.   :o  I told her that she could if she sobered up first because I didn't want to worry about her driving otherwise.  Background:  This person has a history of drunk driving - it is a pity she has never been caught because she seems to find it funny to relate stories of how she doesn't even remember how she got home last night.  She is too cheap to take a taxi but refuses to adjust her drinking to fit her ability to drive herself home, i.e. she knows she's driving but she will drink as much people who are taking cabs because in her opinion "it isn't fair" that they get to drink more, even if she's committed to being the DD. 

She later shows up at my apartment and first I'm relieved that she waited before coming over - then I realize as we chat and I'm finishing my food prep that she has actually spent her evening having multiple drinks at a bar before coming over. She is not only tipsy, but talking too loud and getting a bit emotional.  I'm pretty angry at this point, because in my opinion, she should not have been driving.  She then proceeds to eat a significant portion of the snacks I had put out for the party leaving me to worry that people were going to think that I didn't provide any snacks. Ex: A large bowl full of candy was eaten by the hand full until less than half was left by the time people arrived.  Don't get me started on the Oreos.  Her comments indicated that she was trying to soak up the alcohol. 

Once people start arriving she drinks right alongside everyone even though she reveals she has at least a 4 drink head start and starts complaining that she is tired.  Luckily she stops drinking (I was wondering whether I was going to have to cut her off even if I had told them they could stay the night rather than drive home) and switches to soda and seemed to be sobering up.  When the last friend arrived late (she warned me ahead of time), she suggested we make a run to the grocery store before it closed and while we had a sober driver.  Everyone agreed, the girl even suggested items we should get.  Only problem is that she follows it up with saying that she doesn't actually want to come.  She starts whining about how she just wants to stay in my apartment by herself while we pick up things.  She actually lay down on my couch, grabbed a blanket and bundled herself up in it while insisting "I'm not going, I can stay here, just go."   I try to insist because I am not comfortable with her being in my apartment alone.  My other friends told her to just get up and come, I told her she could just stay in the car while the rest of us ran in if she wanted, but that I’m not leaving her in my apartment. It becomes clear that if I make an issue of it, it is going to be a Big Deal in the middle of what has otherwise been really fun for everyone so I drop it, but made it clear that I was not happy with the situation. 

I couldn’t ask her to leave altogether because 1) in our group of friends it is unprecedented, 2) everyone would have seen it as an overreaction and 3) most importantly, I genuinely wouldn’t have felt comfortable letting her drive after she had been drinking.  As we walked out, my friend Jenny (from other threads) pointed out that she could totally understand why I would be particularly uncomfortable leaving this person alone in my apartment in light of what had happened in the past with her.  I had actually told this girl in other circumstances that I would never want to have her in my apartment alone.  Another friend said that the girl was being ridiculous, that it was my apartment, and she should have gotten up and left when I asked her to.  In the car, yet another friend revealed that this girl said something hurtful to her (while I was out of earshot or I would have intervened) earlier in the evening.  We finished our shopping trip, returned to find her still on the couch, and continued the evening.  As far as I know, she did not cause anyone any more problems.
I'm sorry NyaChan but this right here is where I would have told her to stay home; that she is not to come over already drunk. full stop. Especially in light of the fact that you already know she can't be trusted to not drive drunk. Why would you take her at her word at all?

It also sounds like you had the support of the group even though you say that forcing her out would be unprecedented. Then, don't let her drive, drop her off at home on your way to the store and let her pick up her car in the morning.
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jedikaiti

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Re: What to do about a squatter? Updated Full Story on #29
« Reply #31 on: March 04, 2013, 07:08:19 PM »
Just never invite her again. Then you don't have to worry about her showing up already drunk, insulting your friends, or being left alone in your home.
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WillyNilly

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Re: What to do about a squatter? Updated Full Story on #29
« Reply #32 on: March 04, 2013, 08:08:41 PM »
Whats done is done, and I do gt the position you were in.  But unprecedented or not going forward don't invite this girl anywhere, ever again.  If others invite her to group things, ok it happens, but your events?  Just be candid with your friends "actually I'm not inviting Mandy, I really need a serious break from her.  She drunk drives, she forced herself on my apartment that time and didn't she say something nasty to Alice at my party?  Yeah, I'm over her..." I think from your story, they will be totally fine with the idea.

weeblewobble

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Re: What to do about a squatter? Updated Full Story on #29
« Reply #33 on: March 05, 2013, 08:56:41 PM »
Is this the friend involved in the Ring Saga?  If so, I would simply hand cash over to the friends going to the store and plop my butt in the chair next to Couch Potato Gollum.  Because there is no way I would leave her alone in my house.  And if it was absolutely necessary for me to go to the store, I would tell this girl, "You have a choice, get up and go to the store with us or get up and leave the party now.  Either way, you are not going to stay in my home without me being here.  Now get up and make your choice."

doodlemor

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Re: What to do about a squatter? Updated Full Story on #29
« Reply #34 on: March 05, 2013, 10:25:32 PM »
Another reason not to invite this person.......

In some states you could be liable if she left your home drunk and hurt someone with her car.

miranova

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Re: What to do about a squatter? Updated Full Story on #29
« Reply #35 on: March 06, 2013, 04:22:24 AM »
I can't imagine inviting someone to my home for an all nighter that I didn't trust enough to leave alone for a few minutes.  Weren't you going to sleep at some point?  Whatever it is that you think she may do while you are at the store, couldn't she also do while you are sleeping?  In other words, just don't invite her if she is that untrustworthy.  I might have some weird friends but none that I'd feel uncomfortable leaving in my home for a short period of time.  She obviously just needs to be left off the guest list.

NyaChan

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Re: What to do about a squatter? Updated Full Story on #29
« Reply #36 on: March 07, 2013, 12:31:33 AM »
I'm sorry NyaChan but this right here is where I would have told her to stay home; that she is not to come over already drunk. full stop. Especially in light of the fact that you already know she can't be trusted to not drive drunk. Why would you take her at her word at all?

It also sounds like you had the support of the group even though you say that forcing her out would be unprecedented. Then, don't let her drive, drop her off at home on your way to the store and let her pick up her car in the morning.

I'm not sure the best way to convey it, but essentially, I was angry later because she did lie to me about her condition over the course of those texts.  I took her at her word, because it would have been no trouble whatsoever for someone to pick her up on their way (heck, I could have picked her up) and we both knew it, so as far as I knew, she had no reason to lie.  She never before hid something like that - I know she has driven drunk precisely because she doesn't lie about it.  Now I know better. 

weeble - yes, this is the Ring Saga girl.  I had stopped inviting her to things, but Jenny and Todd for reasons I don't understand have essentially treated her as if nothing had happened and that they are all still friends.  As a result, I eventually ended up spending as much time with her as we did before because I was the only one not initiating plans with her. The plans for this event evolved in a group discussion which included the Ring Saga girl, so she was also invited when I sent out the email about it as I felt it would be rude to offer to host a group event and then exclude someone who was in the group talking about it.  I won't be inviting her again to things that I am organizing.

I can't imagine inviting someone to my home for an all nighter that I didn't trust enough to leave alone for a few minutes.  Weren't you going to sleep at some point?  Whatever it is that you think she may do while you are at the store, couldn't she also do while you are sleeping?  In other words, just don't invite her if she is that untrustworthy.  I might have some weird friends but none that I'd feel uncomfortable leaving in my home for a short period of time.  She obviously just needs to be left off the guest list.
 

I see leaving someone alone for a few minutes while I'm in the same apartment and there are at least 3 other people around as different from leaving someone completely alone in my apartment for what could take 30 minutes.  I don't mind leaving her alone in my living room, kitchen, or bathroom, but having my entire apartment available to her - my bedroom for example - while I'm not there makes me uncomfortable.  It would make me uncomfortable to leave my mom alone in my apartment really, though I recognize that this isn't normal and I may be beyond what can be considered reasonable.  It is just that in my family, privacy is a foreign concept.  My mom doesn't think anything of going through any cabinet or drawer that takes her fancy - in her mind, there shouldn't be anything in my apartment that I wouldn't mind anyone, even a stranger, looking at, so if she does look, there should be nothing wrong with it.  As a result, I get very protective of what little privacy I can enforce.  My computer for example is something that I rarely allow anyone else to access since it is the only place I can keep to myself. 

   
« Last Edit: March 07, 2013, 12:33:47 AM by NyaChan »

cheyne

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Re: What to do about a squatter? Updated Full Story on #29
« Reply #37 on: March 07, 2013, 03:57:27 PM »
#1:  The next time Gollum Girl gets behind the wheel of any vehicle drunk-you call the police 911 with the make, model and license number of the car.  Drunk driving has NOTHING to do with etiquette, friendship, or niceness.  I pray she gets caught by the cops and wakes up before she injures/kills someone else with her hubris.

#2:  You had the backing of your friends as you were all leaving your apt.  Their comments showed this.  I don't believe it would have ruined anyone's night if you made Gollum Girl get up and leave with you all.

#3:  Do not invite this chick anywhere ever.  You can't help it if she's invited to a group activity, but you do not have to invite her to your home or events. 

Twik

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Re: What to do about a squatter? Updated Full Story on #29
« Reply #38 on: March 11, 2013, 10:53:54 AM »
Quote
I couldn’t ask her to leave altogether because 1) in our group of friends it is unprecedented, 2) everyone would have seen it as an overreaction and 3) most importantly, I genuinely wouldn’t have felt comfortable letting her drive after she had been drinking.  As we walked out, my friend Jenny (from other threads) pointed out that she could totally understand why I would be particularly uncomfortable leaving this person alone in my apartment in light of what had happened in the past with her.  I had actually told this girl in other circumstances that I would never want to have her in my apartment alone.  Another friend said that the girl was being ridiculous, that it was my apartment, and she should have gotten up and left when I asked her to.

I think you're vastly overestimating the shock and horror that your friends would have felt if you had thrown Golllum Girl out. It sounds as if they were basically telling you that you should have done so.
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miranova

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Re: What to do about a squatter? Updated Full Story on #29
« Reply #39 on: March 13, 2013, 04:42:11 AM »
Quote
I couldn’t ask her to leave altogether because 1) in our group of friends it is unprecedented, 2) everyone would have seen it as an overreaction and 3) most importantly, I genuinely wouldn’t have felt comfortable letting her drive after she had been drinking.  As we walked out, my friend Jenny (from other threads) pointed out that she could totally understand why I would be particularly uncomfortable leaving this person alone in my apartment in light of what had happened in the past with her.  I had actually told this girl in other circumstances that I would never want to have her in my apartment alone.  Another friend said that the girl was being ridiculous, that it was my apartment, and she should have gotten up and left when I asked her to.

I think you're vastly overestimating the shock and horror that your friends would have felt if you had thrown Golllum Girl out. It sounds as if they were basically telling you that you should have done so.

Agreed.  And honestly, you maybe need to stop caring if something is "unprecedented".  Someone has to do it first.  This was the time to do it.

sammycat

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Re: What to do about a squatter? Updated Full Story on #29
« Reply #40 on: March 13, 2013, 06:30:13 AM »
#1:  The next time Gollum Girl gets behind the wheel of any vehicle drunk-you call the police 911 with the make, model and license number of the car.  Drunk driving has NOTHING to do with etiquette, friendship, or niceness.  I pray she gets caught by the cops and wakes up before she injures/kills someone else with her hubris.

#2:  You had the backing of your friends as you were all leaving your apt.  Their comments showed this.  I don't believe it would have ruined anyone's night if you made Gollum Girl get up and leave with you all.

#3:  Do not invite this chick anywhere ever.  You can't help it if she's invited to a group activity, but you do not have to invite her to your home or events.


Agreed x gazillion.

nyarlathotep

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Re: What to do about a squatter? Updated Full Story on #29
« Reply #41 on: March 13, 2013, 06:47:21 AM »
#1:  The next time Gollum Girl gets behind the wheel of any vehicle drunk-you call the police 911 with the make, model and license number of the car.  Drunk driving has NOTHING to do with etiquette, friendship, or niceness.  I pray she gets caught by the cops and wakes up before she injures/kills someone else with her hubris.

#2:  You had the backing of your friends as you were all leaving your apt.  Their comments showed this.  I don't believe it would have ruined anyone's night if you made Gollum Girl get up and leave with you all.

#3:  Do not invite this chick anywhere ever.  You can't help it if she's invited to a group activity, but you do not have to invite her to your home or events.


Agreed x gazillion.

Thirded.

May I ask what the Ring Saga is? Could someone provide a link?

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Re: What to do about a squatter? Updated Full Story on #29
« Reply #42 on: March 13, 2013, 07:11:49 AM »
Richard Wagner's four-opera cycle "Der Ring des Nibelungen" (The Ring of the Nibelung) is meant to be performed in series (but over 4 nights) and takes 16 hours start to finish.
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Re: What to do about a squatter? Updated Full Story on #29
« Reply #43 on: March 13, 2013, 01:04:41 PM »
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Melle

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Re: What to do about a squatter? Updated Full Story on #29
« Reply #44 on: March 13, 2013, 01:16:12 PM »
OP, from the first paragraphs you write about that woman - that she is prone to drunk driving, that she's in denial about how much she drinks - it's reasonable to conclude that this person is an alcoholic.

Don't invite an alcoholic to a drinking game.