Author Topic: Rude to eat in public?  (Read 8683 times)

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Roe

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Re: Rude to eat in public?
« Reply #15 on: March 03, 2013, 03:29:41 PM »
I can't help but assume the other toddler is also "at that age where hungry=torturous starvation" and the mom was more upset at the situation and herself, and exhausted by a toddler then seriously blaming you.

This was my thought.  It was lunch time and the other mom was probably just upset she didn't think to buy him some fries as well.  Ah well, not your problem. 

PeterM

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Re: Rude to eat in public?
« Reply #16 on: March 03, 2013, 03:30:57 PM »
I don't think it was rude, but I don't think I would do it. It just doesn't seem "nice" to me. Kinda like drinking an ice cold water around a bunch of really thirsty people.

I can see where you're coming from, but two questions.

1) She wasn't feeding her kid fries in front of starving children in Africa. This was a store where the other mother was perfectly able to get her kid his own fries if she chose to.

2) And even if we assume the other mother couldn't get her kid fries because of money or diet issues, or whatever, where does that end? Doesn't that mean I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything at all in the view of anyone I don't personally know with 100% certainty isn't offended for any of a thousand possible reasons?

Zilla

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Re: Rude to eat in public?
« Reply #17 on: March 03, 2013, 03:38:33 PM »
It sounds like she was having a bad day or resigned that her kid was having a tantrum.  Neither remotely your fault in any way possible.  You were fine  and kudos for not engaging the crazy. 

Knitterly

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Re: Rude to eat in public?
« Reply #18 on: March 03, 2013, 03:50:07 PM »
The other mother was rude. I POD those who wondered if she'd have had the same reaction to her child wanting the OP's child's toy.

Personally, I wouldn't offer/ask if it was okay to offer unless I could do it discreetly without the child hearing. Because many parents don't let their children eat junk food or put restrictions on how much junk food they're allowed, "Even though the person offered you it, you still can't have it." I know part of being a parent is saying no, I just wouldn't want to create that situation for another parent, of having to say, "Even though she offered it to you, you still can't have it."

I don't care for people eating in shops, public transport, etc. (non-smelly snacks are fine, but hot, smelly meals are another thing) but if the store said it's okay then it is. But as a customer I might choose not to shop there - depending on how many people were eating and what they were eating. I don't think I've witnessed people eating in shops before, but I hate when people eat smelly takeaways on the tube. But kids have to eat. So no, it's not rude to eat if the store says it's okay, and certainly not rude to eat a child-desirable item.

I did not give the smell much thought, honestly.  The fast food place inside the store is McDonalds.  Since it's inside the store, you can generally smell it whether someone is eating it or not.

In hindsight, I suppose I could have simply not given LK food in the toy aisle or avoided the toy aisle entirely.

It sounds like she was having a bad day or resigned that her kid was having a tantrum.  Neither remotely your fault in any way possible.  You were fine  and kudos for not engaging the crazy. 
It wasn't so much not engaging the crazy as it was ducking away from the entire crazy-zone - out of mostly a sense of cowardice.  ;)

Zilla

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Re: Rude to eat in public?
« Reply #19 on: March 03, 2013, 04:04:23 PM »

It sounds like she was having a bad day or resigned that her kid was having a tantrum.  Neither remotely your fault in any way possible.  You were fine  and kudos for not engaging the crazy. 
Quote

From Knitterly
It wasn't so much not engaging the crazy as it was ducking away from the entire crazy-zone - out of mostly a sense of cowardice.  ;) 


If it's cowardice, then my nickname should be Cowardly the lion. :) 
« Last Edit: March 03, 2013, 04:06:54 PM by Zilla »

sunnygirl

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Re: Rude to eat in public?
« Reply #20 on: March 03, 2013, 04:14:29 PM »
The other mother was rude. I POD those who wondered if she'd have had the same reaction to her child wanting the OP's child's toy.

Personally, I wouldn't offer/ask if it was okay to offer unless I could do it discreetly without the child hearing. Because many parents don't let their children eat junk food or put restrictions on how much junk food they're allowed, "Even though the person offered you it, you still can't have it." I know part of being a parent is saying no, I just wouldn't want to create that situation for another parent, of having to say, "Even though she offered it to you, you still can't have it."

I don't care for people eating in shops, public transport, etc. (non-smelly snacks are fine, but hot, smelly meals are another thing) but if the store said it's okay then it is. But as a customer I might choose not to shop there - depending on how many people were eating and what they were eating. I don't think I've witnessed people eating in shops before, but I hate when people eat smelly takeaways on the tube. But kids have to eat. So no, it's not rude to eat if the store says it's okay, and certainly not rude to eat a child-desirable item.

I did not give the smell much thought, honestly.  The fast food place inside the store is McDonalds.  Since it's inside the store, you can generally smell it whether someone is eating it or not.

In hindsight, I suppose I could have simply not given LK food in the toy aisle or avoided the toy aisle entirely.
In that case, I'd downgrade it from "not rude" to "really, really not rude."
I probably wouldn't shop there if the store smelled like McDonalds, but the fact there's a McDonalds inside the store makes the woman's reaction even more uncalled for. Don't take your child to a store that has a McDonalds in it if you get mad at the sight of others eating McDonalds.

acicularis

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Re: Rude to eat in public?
« Reply #21 on: March 03, 2013, 04:19:52 PM »
I've been on the other side of it, and had a toddler melt down because another child had food or a toy they wanted. But I didn't think the other parent was rude. Now if it were a place that didn't allow food, or if the other child were taunting my child, then we would have had a problem.

LadyR

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Re: Rude to eat in public?
« Reply #22 on: March 03, 2013, 04:38:36 PM »
The little guy might have thrown a fit if he saw LK getting a toy he wanted, too. Unfortunate but not your fault.

Exactly, I remember once going into the grocery aisle of big box store after we went to the toy department and I was picking up a toy for DS and he was happily sitting in the cart pushing the buttons as I shopped for groceries. We passed another family with a child the same age and the child freaked out when he saw that DS had a toy and he didn't. The parents didn't yell at me though, they just gently dealt with it and I quickly moved on to another aisle.


One Fish, Two Fish

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Re: Rude to eat in public?
« Reply #23 on: March 03, 2013, 04:48:33 PM »
Not rude.  You can only control what goes on in your own cart; she can only control what goes on in hers.  It's hard to believe that she'd even make a comment like that out loud.  I'm not doubting your story; I'm just shocked at her audacity. 
I'll get there.  Eventually.

Roe

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Re: Rude to eat in public?
« Reply #24 on: March 03, 2013, 05:06:53 PM »
OP, I think part of why she unleased on you might be the "sorry" you gave her. 

I know that sometimes "sorry" comes out of my mouth without much thought even if it's something that isn't my fault or has nothing to do with me.  I'm trying hard to control that instinct (and it's working).  I think it gives people the false sense that they can blame someone else for whatever it is that made them upset. 

rose red

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Re: Rude to eat in public?
« Reply #25 on: March 03, 2013, 05:11:46 PM »
Of course you weren't rude.  I often see kids (and adults) walk around the mall with drinks, ice cream, popcorn in full view of other kids.  Everybody is welcome to buy their own.  Parents can't ask everybody else to act like they wish to make it easy on their kids.

GSNW

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Re: Rude to eat in public?
« Reply #26 on: March 03, 2013, 05:15:49 PM »
I don't think it was rude, but I don't think I would do it. It just doesn't seem "nice" to me. Kinda like drinking an ice cold water around a bunch of really thirsty people.

I can see where you're coming from, but two questions.

1) She wasn't feeding her kid fries in front of starving children in Africa. This was a store where the other mother was perfectly able to get her kid his own fries if she chose to.

2) And even if we assume the other mother couldn't get her kid fries because of money or diet issues, or whatever, where does that end? Doesn't that mean I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything at all in the view of anyone I don't personally know with 100% certainty isn't offended for any of a thousand possible reasons?

Exactly this.  Come ON.  This is a moment where Other Mom could have used the opportunity to teach her child that he can't have everything he sees.  Seeing = wanting != getting.  Sorry lil camper, but time to buck up and move on.  I can see this mom in the future berating her friends for allowing lil camper's playmates to own a toy she can't afford in the elementary years, or a fancy cell phone in the teen years.  How DARE someone expose her child to something he cannot obtain?!?

Having said that, it's I understand that these "teachable moments" often pass us by when we are tired, stressed, or hungry ourselves, and a melting-down toddler doesn't really help the situation.  But the mom was inexcusably rude in confronting OP as if it were her fault.  Again.... come ON.

delabela

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Re: Rude to eat in public?
« Reply #27 on: March 03, 2013, 05:24:14 PM »
I don't think you were rude at all.  And she had no right to yell at you (I agree with the people who suspect she was having a bad day for some reason). 

That being said, I don't like people eating in areas that are not meant for eating, especially in a store.  I'm sure that you are conscientious and responsible enough to ensure that your child won't mess up merchandise or leave food around, but not everyone is.  If my kids need to eat on a trip to the store, we eat in the car or in the cafe/restaurant seating area. 
« Last Edit: March 03, 2013, 05:26:05 PM by delabela »

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Rude to eat in public?
« Reply #28 on: March 03, 2013, 05:24:55 PM »
While I don't like seeing people walking around eating inside shops generally, what the mother did trumps any sort of possible rudeness on your part. She was clearly blaming you for her child's bad behaviour. That is always rude.

Funny, in some countries it is considered bad manners to walk around eating. Like in Japan. I've heard there they will even sit down and eat an ice cream come at Disneyland.

And in earlier times, it was considered unladylike for a lady to eat in the street.

MrsJWine

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Re: Rude to eat in public?
« Reply #29 on: March 03, 2013, 05:46:19 PM »
The other mom was nuts. I don't think it's the same as hogging the ice water in a crowd of thirsty people because there's no reasonable expectation that everyone in the toy aisle is starving, and there's no reason to think that should couldn't get her own hungry child some food.

You are of course under no obligation to do so, but I might have asked the mom if it was ok to offer the little guy a french fry.

I secretly hate it when people do this. I say "secretly" because I am grateful that they are being generous and kind, so I show those emotions, not the irritation. However, if my kid acts like a brat, I don't want it to be rewarded. I know the other person in the store doesn't think of it that way, but that's how it will come off to my kid. I think it just puts the other parent in an awkward situation.


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