Rude to eat in public?

[Bluenomi]

You were fine OP. I do the same with DD, she get a container of grapes at the supermarket every week since it keeps her entertained and under control for most of the trip.

You can't help it if the other kids reacted the way he did and it's the mother's job to control him, not yours. Toddlers think all sorts of thing other kids have as something they MUST have. If it wasn't the chip, it would have been a toy or some other random thing your child was holding. I once had a toddler loose it when he saw DD holding a reciept just because she had it and he didn't.

[sammycat]

In hindsight, I suppose I could have simply not given LK food in the toy aisle or avoided the toy aisle entirely.

Why?  Why should you or your child have to avoid a certain area of a shop (or anywhere) in case someone has a meltdown and/or is rude to you?  It'd be neverending.

If not the toy section, what if you'd been in the phone section, picked up a new phone and some bratty teenager had a meltdown because their parent wouldn't buy them one?

The only rudeness going on here is by the other mother in her treatment towards you.  You did nothing wrong; in fact I commend you for taking steps to prevent a meltdown by your own child, because exposing everyone else to a screaming child whilst you shopped would have been rude.

[Winterlight]

The quick answer is No.  The store permitted you to do so and that should be the last word on the matter. Having said that, I have to say that I have mixed feelings about people eating food in public. 

In NYC there has been talk about making it a fine-able offense to eat on public transportation.  People enter the subway all the time with take-out coffee and sometimes with stuff that requires chewing, but I would draw the line at anything that requires a clamshell container and/or a utensil.  I'm not offended by most food aromas and seeing someone eat a sandwich or a cookie doesn't bother me, but the idea of anyone eating take-out Chinese or pasta on the subway only makes me worry about the risk of it becoming a mess.

They've already banned eating on DC's metro because of the mess issue. I'm fine with water, but open food when the trains lurch spells disaster. Not to mention the 4-footed problems.

On topic, she was silly. If her kid wants food, then go feed him. Don't yell at passersby.

[Arrynne]

The other mom missed out on a teaching moment. 

[Venus193]

Winterlight, here is an interesting OP-ed on this notion:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/29/opinion/eating-in-public-pleasure-or-peril.html?_r=0

[Piratelvr1121]

This reminds me of the Toddler Rules of "Mine"

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must NEVER appear to be yours in anyway.

6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically
becomes mine.

10. If it's broken, it's yours.

[BeagleMommy]

Okay, I think this woman needs a time out; not just her kid.  Toddlers will react (and overreact) to almost anything.  Food, toys, attention, etc.

Knitterly, you were not rude in any way.

[learningtofly]

So it's only rude in the toy isle?  My kid would have melted in any isle.  Lunch time and your kid had food?  Mine would have remember how hungry she was and wouldn't have cared that she was yelling in the towel isle.  As parents we need to remember if our kids eat on a regular schedule. 

I took DD out this weekend to run errands.  At the first store I noticed it was lunchtime.  Luckily the second store was the grocery store and I was able to get her something to eat.  But not before she saw something she really really wanted and started yelling.  Totally my fault for not realizing the time.  Same thing with the mom in the toy isle.  If you forget to feed your kid it's your fault.  If your kid will yell for french fries even after eating a 6 course meal then maybe coming to a store with a McDonalds in it isn't the best idea.  If you can't shop anywhere else the risk of a meltdown is on you.

[JeanFromBNA]

While I don't like seeing people walking around eating inside shops generally, what the mother did trumps any sort of possible rudeness on your part. She was clearly blaming you for her child's bad behaviour. That is always rude.

Funny, in some countries it is considered bad manners to walk around eating. Like in Japan. I've heard there they will even sit down and eat an ice cream come at Disneyland.

And in earlier times, it was considered unladylike for a lady to eat in the street.

Re:  Bolded.  We do that because it is melting by the time you got the wrapper off the Mickey Bar.

Eating and walking around can lead to a mess that usually doesn't get cleaned up.  I guess the thinking is that the bugs will eat it or the rain will wash it away or somebody else will have to deal with it because you're too embarrassed or hurried to take care of it.  But that's a personal pet peeve of mine.  That doesn't make all eating in public rude.  It depends on the circumstances.  The OP was not rude.  The other mom was having a meltdown to match her toddler's.

[JeanFromBNA]

Winterlight, here is an interesting OP-ed on this notion:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/29/opinion/eating-in-public-pleasure-or-peril.html?_r=0

Food and drink is not allowed on the DC Metro (one of the comments says San Francisco's public transport doesn't allow it either).  They manage to enforce it in DC, and everybody has survived without turning the matter into the gastric equivalent of Les Miserables.

Leaving food out invites vermin.  Just ask any restaurant inspector.

BTW, this is not directed at you, Venus193.  It's a comment on the opinion piece; thanks for the link.

[Venus193]

The problem with attempting to criminalize this in NYC is that it's unlikely to be enforceable.  Removal of the trash bins will not make people change their behavior and if they throw their trash away on the platforms anyway we'll be worse off than in the 70s when the subways were almost a sewer.

[MasterofSquirrels]

Back on topic:

OP you weren't rude.  You fed your kid, the other mom didn't, her kid pitched a fit, and she was embarrassed. Should you never do that again? Sure, buy french fries and head over to the toy dept., it isn't you who are being rude. If your child tosses the fries and you make a huge mess, then you would be rude. Totally a different thing.

 

[Knitterly]

The other mom was nuts. I don't think it's the same as hogging the ice water in a crowd of thirsty people because there's no reasonable expectation that everyone in the toy aisle is starving, and there's no reason to think that should couldn't get her own hungry child some food.

You are of course under no obligation to do so, but I might have asked the mom if it was ok to offer the little guy a french fry.

I secretly hate it when people do this. I say "secretly" because I am grateful that they are being generous and kind, so I show those emotions, not the irritation. However, if my kid acts like a brat, I don't want it to be rewarded. I know the other person in the store doesn't think of it that way, but that's how it will come off to my kid. I think it just puts the other parent in an awkward situation.

This is an interesting point and leads to a tangental question:
What do you do when another adult offers your child something that they would normally be allowed to have, but that you don't want them to have for some specific reason or another?  How do you enforce your wishes without embarrassing the other adult or creating an awkward situation?

I am finding myself in this situation more often than I would like - mainly because I do have fairly strict rules regarding LK's behaviour and because she's too smart for her own good sometimes (she's entirely too good at figuring out a way around mommy's 'no').  I don't want to seem like I'm chastising the other adult, but neither do I want poor behaviour rewarded in my kid.  It's an extremely awkward dance.

I want LK to say "please" when she wants something, and if she doesn't say "please", she doesn't get it.  In the last 2 weeks I've gotten really strict on this - with the result being some very stubborn temper tantrums when she wants it but doesn't want to say "please" (but also getting a very sweet "please" as often as I get a temper tantrum).  We were out on the weekend and LK wanted a cheesie.  I told her to say please, she didn't want to.  She didn't get a cheesie.  She was pretty mad about it.  She walked up to another random acquaintance and pointed at the cheesie and say "more?"  But no please.  I said "No, LK, you have to say please."  She walked over to a different adult and did the same thing.  By the third adult, she had a cheesie (she was really determined to NOT say please).  The thing is, I don't know if the adult who gave her the cheesie had heard me say "no" or not.  I just said "next time, please don't give it to her unless she says please.  It's really important that she learns to ask nicely."
I know they thought her very sweet "More?" was asking nicely.  But Please and Thank You are really big deals to me.
I had another acquaintance comment that she seemed awfully young for me to be worrying about manners with her.  I just shrugged and said "she can say it, and she does most of the time, so I expect her to." (The conversation happened because LK had just toddled up to me to ask for a muffin, and this time she initiated the "please" herself.)


(and on an utterly, almost completely unrelated note - I've discovered recently that apparently I apologize way too much, as I witnessed my kid apologize to her hat for tripping over it.  I haven't even started working on teaching her to apologize yet - it's a mimicking thing.  I say sorry to walls, doors, chairs, etc, all the time.  And so my kid has started picking that up.  Ugh!)

[citadelle]

The other mom was nuts. I don't think it's the same as hogging the ice water in a crowd of thirsty people because there's no reasonable expectation that everyone in the toy aisle is starving, and there's no reason to think that should couldn't get her own hungry child some food.

You are of course under no obligation to do so, but I might have asked the mom if it was ok to offer the little guy a french fry.

I secretly hate it when people do this. I say "secretly" because I am grateful that they are being generous and kind, so I show those emotions, not the irritation. However, if my kid acts like a brat, I don't want it to be rewarded. I know the other person in the store doesn't think of it that way, but that's how it will come off to my kid. I think it just puts the other parent in an awkward situation.

This is an interesting point and leads to a tangental question:
What do you do when another adult offers your child something that they would normally be allowed to have, but that you don't want them to have for some specific reason or another?  How do you enforce your wishes without embarrassing the other adult or creating an awkward situation?

I am finding myself in this situation more often than I would like - mainly because I do have fairly strict rules regarding LK's behaviour and because she's too smart for her own good sometimes (she's entirely too good at figuring out a way around mommy's 'no').  I don't want to seem like I'm chastising the other adult, but neither do I want poor behaviour rewarded in my kid.  It's an extremely awkward dance.

I want LK to say "please" when she wants something, and if she doesn't say "please", she doesn't get it.  In the last 2 weeks I've gotten really strict on this - with the result being some very stubborn temper tantrums when she wants it but doesn't want to say "please" (but also getting a very sweet "please" as often as I get a temper tantrum).  We were out on the weekend and LK wanted a cheesie.  I told her to say please, she didn't want to.  She didn't get a cheesie.  She was pretty mad about it.  She walked up to another random stranger and pointed at the cheesie and say "more?"  But no please.  I said "No, LK, you have to say please."  She walked over to a different adult and did the same thing.  By the third adult, she had a cheesie (she was really determined to NOT say please).  The thing is, I don't know if the adult who gave her the cheesie had heard me say "no" or not.  I just said "next time, please don't give it to her unless she says please.  It's really important that she learns to ask nicely."
I know they thought her very sweet "More?" was asking nicely.  But Please and Thank You are really big deals to me.
I had another acquaintance comment that she seemed awfully young for me to be worrying about manners with her.  I just shrugged and said "she can say it, and she does most of the time, so I expect her to." (The conversation happened because LK had just toddled up to me to ask for a muffin, and this time she initiated the "please" herself.)


(and on an utterly, almost completely unrelated note - I've discovered recently that apparently I apologize way too much, as I witnessed my kid apologize to her hat for tripping over it.  I haven't even started working on teaching her to apologize yet - it's a mimicking thing.  I say sorry to walls, doors, chairs, etc, all the time.  And so my kid has started picking that up.  Ugh!)

What an awesome mom you are!

[Katana_Geldar]

Winterlight, here is an interesting OP-ed on this notion:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/29/opinion/eating-in-public-pleasure-or-peril.html?_r=0

Food and drink is not allowed on the DC Metro (one of the comments says San Francisco's public transport doesn't allow it either).  They manage to enforce it in DC, and everybody has survived without turning the matter into the gastric equivalent of Les Miserables.

Leaving food out invites vermin.  Just ask any restaurant inspector.

BTW, this is not directed at you, Venus193.  It's a comment on the opinion piece; thanks for the link.

Sydney trains go outside sydney for long distances, though not interstate. There's the understanding you can eat on the train as long as you don't make a mess.

You do see rubbish about every now and then, but the trains are periodically cleaned.