S/O Would this upset you? - Facebook and a long-term convalescence

[sassydeej]

When I found out that I had a brain tumor and needed surgery I told my immediate family by phone and told everyone else on facebook.  When I had surgery and there was a minor complication my husband found it to be very time consuming to inform everyone how things went, even though he had access to my facebook page and email contacts.  He set up a caringbridge page and informed everyone that they could keep tabs that way.  He was in contact with my immediate family and others that wanted to find out what was going on could read and post on the caringbridge site.  When I was able to start posting updates I did so on the caringbridge site and then went back to facebook later.   

[cattlekid]

Thanks to everyone for their comments and input.  I think I will dust off my CaringBridge page and direct everyone there from now on.  This way, I can dictate updates to DH as needed and then keep it updated myself when I am ready.  I believe I was overthinking things but then again, I did get a comment from a couple of friends who I know use both CaringBridge and Facebook but aren't on Facebook every day.

[mmswm]

I see it this way, Cattlekid: Those who care more about you instead of themselves will do whatever is necessary to stay in the loop in the manner you deem easiest for you.  It is not your job to cater to your friends during times like this.  It's their job to cater to you.  If they can't be bothered to look on Facebook or CaringBridge, or whatever other medium you choose to pass on information, then they choose to be left out of the loop.

[Deetee]

I see it this way, Cattlekid: Those who care more about you instead of themselves will do whatever is necessary to stay in the loop in the manner you deem easiest for you.  It is not your job to cater to your friends during times like this.  It's their job to cater to you.  If they can't be bothered to look on Facebook or CaringBridge, or whatever other medium you choose to pass on information, then they choose to be left out of the loop.

Yeah this. If someone is ill and prefers to send information by homing pigeon then, if I care enough, I'll go buy myself some homing pigeons. Personally, I think it is nice if the person lets you know beforehand how they will disseminate information (I have seen blogs, facebook groups, email lists, etc...) so you don't come home and find a bunch of homing pigeons on your doorstop, but once you tell people where the info is, you have done your part.

This isn't a invite where the other persons preferences need to be taken into consideration. If there is someone who has no internet access and only reads stone tablets, then a friend can take care of getting info to them.

[laceandbits]

It sounds an excellent plan to me, and I think everyone will both understand and appreciate it so long as you explain the how and why beforehand.

When DH had a quadruple bypass a couple of years ago I was out from noon to drive to the hospital and visit and not home until about 9 in the evening.  It was so frustrating to get phone call after phone call every morning, but I couldn't not answer in case they assumed something was wrong. 

If you have any friends and family who are not on the internet, perhaps you could organise that only one of those will phone and will then pass on updates to the others.  One of our groups of friends did this and it was such a help.

[RebeccainGA]

When DP went from chemo to emergency surgery and coma two years ago, that's exactly what we did - Facebook. It worked beautifully, I could make messages with more detail for those that wanted it, leave my status updates for the broad strokes, and even posted video when she started walking again and such. It's a very easy medium to use, family can print or simply relay the details to the non-tech folks (my aunt printed a couple of days worth at a time and took them to my grandparents).

Good luck with the kidney - here's hoping it's soon and works great!

[mich3554]

Actually, I did this myself.  Last year, I was hospitalized with the mother of all infections that infected both of my hip prostheses.  While my b/f or myself (if I could) called my dad and sister to give them updates, my friends and boss got updates on Facebook.

If we had to call everyone, it would have been impossible to handle.

Later, after I was released from the hospital and rehab 8 weeks later, I dealt with people on a more personal basis.

[Fragglerocker]

I think CaringBridge is the perfect way to deal with this.  People can choose how often/what way they want to be notified (generally just of new posts) and it lets it be a select-in type thing vs. everyone on Facebook.