Author Topic: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work  (Read 8648 times)

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despedina

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #15 on: March 07, 2013, 11:31:42 AM »
Thanks for all the tips. When we gave her secret santa money, some did offer to give her a ride, however now it seems a church has given her a car (she told some people this last week).
When she is socializing, there is work on her desk. So its not like she does not have anything to do.  Work is supposed to be divided equally among the assistants. Usually I do my own, just because I'm able to and prefer to. That may be why it burns me so much to help her, as I have 60+ clients to handle and I do my own writeups and she can barely do writeups only.
this week she seems to be doing better because coworkerdude #1 is out (he sits right next to her) although she still is coming over to coworkerdude #2's desk.  If her performance suffers again I'll have to bring it up with my director.

oceanus

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #16 on: March 07, 2013, 03:19:19 PM »
Quote
So its not like she does not have anything to do.  Work is supposed to be divided equally among the assistants. Usually I do my own, just because I'm able to and prefer to. That may be why it burns me so much to help her, as I have 60+ clients to handle and I do my own writeups and she can barely do writeups only.

You should immediately stop doing her work.  You're only aggravating yourself and compounding the problem by helping her.  You have your own job to do.

If she doesn't do your writeups in a timely manner, that is someting to talk to her about, ask "why", and then if she still doesn't do them, talk to the boss.  But stop doing her work.
« Last Edit: March 07, 2013, 03:22:27 PM by oceanus »

Kikki

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #17 on: March 08, 2013, 06:46:20 AM »
Can you call coworkerdude #2 when she is there so he can get away by saying he needs to take that call?



bopper

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #18 on: March 08, 2013, 09:23:26 AM »
Thanks for all the tips. When we gave her secret santa money, some did offer to give her a ride, however now it seems a church has given her a car (she told some people this last week).
When she is socializing, there is work on her desk. So its not like she does not have anything to do.  Work is supposed to be divided equally among the assistants. Usually I do my own, just because I'm able to and prefer to. That may be why it burns me so much to help her, as I have 60+ clients to handle and I do my own writeups and she can barely do writeups only.
this week she seems to be doing better because coworkerdude #1 is out (he sits right next to her) although she still is coming over to coworkerdude #2's desk.  If her performance suffers again I'll have to bring it up with my director.

Oh we know she has work to do...you are just using that phrase to mean "I know you have work, so go do it."

despedina

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #19 on: March 08, 2013, 10:15:22 AM »
I could call coworkerdude #2, however our desks are in such a way that I stare at him all day and he's about 3ft away. And I'm pretty sure she'd see that my name came up on his phone (this is how close she gets to him).  But I will think of something.

despedina

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #20 on: March 10, 2013, 09:19:32 PM »
Small update:  So T was doing better this week, then Friday came and one of my co-workers (J) were out with a sick child. They were going to have T cover, but decided that they wanted me to do it instead since T is newer.  Since I was covering my own work and  J's work, I could not enter the orders into the computer like I usually have time for. So when I had 1 or 2 I'd take them over to T's desk (she was not making an effort to come look for them).  About midway through the day she had at least 5 or 6 orders on her desk and she was again hanging out on CoWorkerdude #2's desk again.  I seriously had to bite my tounge as she sat there about 10min. I'm about neck deep in emails and phone calls and she's sitting not 3 feet away flirting shamelessly.  When she finally left, I begged coworkerdude #2 to please encourage her to get back to work in some way.  At the end of the day, an email went out that T had 14 orders to be entered and could we all help her.  So again I was at work an extra 30 min helping her out. 
And before anyone asks I looked for my director but she was in long meetings all day of course, so I was unable to bring up the issue.  Another coworker saw what was going on with T and with me being so busy and mentioned that T can do no wrong in our director's eyes.  Hopefully I get an opportunity to say something this coming week when the director is available.

oceanus

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #21 on: March 10, 2013, 09:31:54 PM »
???
OP, I'm still not understanding why you continue to help T by doing her work.  That's contributing to the problem.  You're helping her to free up more time for chatting/flirting.

(see my post #16)
« Last Edit: March 10, 2013, 09:36:03 PM by oceanus »

despedina

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #22 on: March 10, 2013, 09:56:31 PM »
Oceanus, I wasn't given a choice. If director says "help T before you leave", I can't really ignore that. We are not allowed to leave at the end of the night until all the order entry for that day is done and director says we can go.  This is also why I do my own order entry when I have time, so I can leave at a decent hour, and also so its correct but that is another story....

JenJay

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #23 on: March 10, 2013, 10:27:11 PM »
Can you email your boss and say "I need to speak with you, privately, at your earliest convenience." I really hope she honestly doesn't realize that T is now trained and capable of getting all her work done but wasting time chatting.

Then I'd explain that:
1. You've observed T spending approximately 10 minutes at a time, 8-10 times per day (or whatever the actual amounts are), sitting at various corworker's desks just chatting while orders pile up on her desk.
2. This makes everyone uncomfortable but they don't know how to ask her to get back to work without sounding rude.
3. You decided to speak up after being asked to put in overtime to help T complete her work.
4. You'd like like to know what, if anything, you can say to T next time to help ensure all of the work is complete at the end of the day so that everyone can go home on time.

Danika

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #24 on: March 11, 2013, 01:48:54 AM »
I agree with the PP. And I would start a Word Doc and list dates, times and details. Just like your post on this page with specifics like:
"10am, I was given 2 projects and T was given 2. By 11, I had done x, y, z and T hadn't come to ask me for her part, so I walked them over to her desk and put those 3 items (x, y, z) on her desk. At noon, I was given 3 more. I did them. Still didn't see T. Walked those 3 over to T's desk. Observed the 6 I'd given her that day sitting on her desk while she was on otherdude's desk chatting with him." etc...

"By closing time, I had finished 10 projects. By then, I had given 10 assignments to T. At closing time, I received an email saying T needed help with 10 projects. I imagine that since I was the one who gave them to her, those are the 10 I had put there. Which means that all day she just spent her time at dude's desk talking to him."

You might leave the conjecture out. But I'd keep a running list of these things. Every single day. Hopefully, the paper trail will help your boss. If you trust other coworkers, suggest they do the same.

SingMeAway

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #25 on: March 11, 2013, 10:18:49 AM »
About midway through the day she had at least 5 or 6 orders on her desk and she was again hanging out on CoWorkerdude #2's desk again.  I seriously had to bite my tounge as she sat there about 10min.

I know you're stumped on what/how to say something to her, but I think that would have been a perfect opportunity to say something like "Hey T, could you get to those orders I left on your desk. I really need to leave on time tonight." The idea that you and your coworkers have to stay late because she's not doing her work kills me.

I'm also thinking that you could approach your director with a "problem". "Director, I'm not sure what to do. T spends a lot of the day chatting and her work isn't getting done. Staying late to finish it for her is becoming a burden, but I don't know what I can say to her".

It is so not fair what is happening to you and your coworkers.

TootsNYC

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #26 on: March 11, 2013, 11:49:22 AM »
i would start that conversation by saying, "I am not really comfortable saying this, because I really don't want to nitpick or criticize the people I work with. But last night I stayed 30 extra minutes after working like crazy all day, and I am frustrated. My coworker's inefficiencies are directly impacting me."

Also--don't say "flirting." Say she was chatting.

I also would feel free saying, "T, last night I stayed 30 minutes extra to do orders that were on your desk much earlier in the day--are you caught up? Because if you're not, it impacts me very directly."


BarensMom

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #27 on: March 11, 2013, 12:12:40 PM »
T's chatting has to impact other coworkers' productivity as well.  If you could get one or more of your other coworkers (especially one of the guys) to say something to your boss as well, it might have more of an impact.

Amara

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #28 on: March 11, 2013, 01:09:57 PM »
And if you and others are staying late to finish the work does that cost the company overtime?

Danika

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #29 on: March 11, 2013, 01:54:52 PM »
And the dude who she keeps flirting with, I'm sure he's falling behind schedule on his work as well.

I hope the managers are aware of the problem and are just documenting it and creating a paper trail, rather than completely oblivious. But I would keep mentioning it to them and asking other overtime workers to mention it to them as well.