Author Topic: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work  (Read 8905 times)

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MrTango

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #30 on: March 11, 2013, 02:13:39 PM »
I think it's time to stop being "nice" to Flirty Co-Worker.

Next time you see her chatting up your neighbor, say "Hey, Flirty, I'm still waiting on [project].  When are you going to have that done?"

Moray

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #31 on: March 11, 2013, 02:41:43 PM »
I think it's time to stop being "nice" to Flirty Co-Worker.

Next time you see her chatting up your neighbor, say "Hey, Flirty, I'm still waiting on [project].  When are you going to have that done?"

This would be completely appropriate.
Utah

NyaChan

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #32 on: March 11, 2013, 03:16:41 PM »
I think it's time to stop being "nice" to Flirty Co-Worker.

Next time you see her chatting up your neighbor, say "Hey, Flirty, I'm still waiting on [project].  When are you going to have that done?"

This would be completely appropriate.

Yup.  Honestly, I would even go so far as to reply, should she just say she'll "get to it" that I've had to stay late to finish up extra work X days over the past week, and I can't keep doing that.

YummyMummy66

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #33 on: March 12, 2013, 10:38:08 AM »
I think it's time to stop being "nice" to Flirty Co-Worker.

Next time you see her chatting up your neighbor, say "Hey, Flirty, I'm still waiting on [project].  When are you going to have that done?"

What exactly is in appropriate?  I don't think the poster actually meant to say, "Flirty", but since that is the name the op originally used, that is what the poster went with.  I would assume that the poster actually meant, "Hey, Susan, I'm still waiting on project.  When are you going to have that done?".

Now, I might have said it a bit differently.  "Oh, hey, Susan.  I am waiting for you to finish your part of said project, so that I can complete mine.  When do you think it will be done?".   

Yvaine

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #34 on: March 12, 2013, 11:24:27 AM »
I think it's time to stop being "nice" to Flirty Co-Worker.

Next time you see her chatting up your neighbor, say "Hey, Flirty, I'm still waiting on [project].  When are you going to have that done?"

What exactly is in appropriate?  I don't think the poster actually meant to say, "Flirty", but since that is the name the op originally used, that is what the poster went with.  I would assume that the poster actually meant, "Hey, Susan, I'm still waiting on project.  When are you going to have that done?".

Now, I might have said it a bit differently.  "Oh, hey, Susan.  I am waiting for you to finish your part of said project, so that I can complete mine.  When do you think it will be done?".

Moray said it was appropriate, not inappropriate.

ladyknight1

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #35 on: March 12, 2013, 11:32:43 AM »
Are you at all in a position of authority over this woman?  If not, I don't think it is your place to approach her about it beyond saying, "Hey, do you have that report that I need to complete my portion?" or "Hey, if you are done with your quota, could you help me with this?" to remind her.  I would take this up with the actual supervisor.

My thoughts are in line with NyaChan's post.

I would ask your director to spend a bit more time looking at the office situation. While I touch base with each of the 20 people in my office suite, I only talk to a few more than once a day.

My concern for you, OP, is that T will report that you are singling her out, or discriminating against her for some reason.

TurtleDove

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #36 on: March 12, 2013, 11:53:53 AM »
My concern for you, OP, is that T will report that you are singling her out, or discriminating against her for some reason.

Agreed.  The issue should not be presented as "coworker is flirting and it bothers me."  If anything, it should be, "coworker is not pulling her weight - can you please address this so I do not have to continue to work late?"  Otherwise it seems strange that the OP would be so fixated on what she is doing, as though the OP is keeping tabs on her to the detriment of the OP's own work.  Management generally doesn't like that, and even though the OP is "right" it does not reflect well on her.

JenJay

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #37 on: March 12, 2013, 12:44:37 PM »
My concern for you, OP, is that T will report that you are singling her out, or discriminating against her for some reason.

Agreed.  The issue should not be presented as "coworker is flirting and it bothers me."  If anything, it should be, "coworker is not pulling her weight - can you please address this so I do not have to continue to work late?"  Otherwise it seems strange that the OP would be so fixated on what she is doing, as though the OP is keeping tabs on her to the detriment of the OP's own work.  Management generally doesn't like that, and even though the OP is "right" it does not reflect well on her.

I think so, too. OP should approach it from a place of "I've been logging overtime because Chatty is chatting" and not "I had to stay late because Flirty was flirting." Even though they're the same thing, depending on the tone and wording, one sounds like a legit company concern and the other sounds like sour grapes (for the record I think your complaint is completely legit, OP!!). If the boss has decided to take this new employee under her wing then boss may be feeling extra protective of chatty.

artk2002

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #38 on: March 12, 2013, 02:37:57 PM »
Oceanus, I wasn't given a choice. If director says "help T before you leave", I can't really ignore that. We are not allowed to leave at the end of the night until all the order entry for that day is done and director says we can go.  This is also why I do my own order entry when I have time, so I can leave at a decent hour, and also so its correct but that is another story....

The correct response in this situation is "Sure, I can help T. Which of my tasks should I drop in order to get hers done?"
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

TurtleDove

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #39 on: March 12, 2013, 02:39:28 PM »
So T also stays late often? Is the OP the only one complaining?

Danika

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #40 on: March 12, 2013, 03:56:43 PM »
My concern for you, OP, is that T will report that you are singling her out, or discriminating against her for some reason.

Agreed.  The issue should not be presented as "coworker is flirting and it bothers me."  If anything, it should be, "coworker is not pulling her weight - can you please address this so I do not have to continue to work late?"  Otherwise it seems strange that the OP would be so fixated on what she is doing, as though the OP is keeping tabs on her to the detriment of the OP's own work.  Management generally doesn't like that, and even though the OP is "right" it does not reflect well on her.

This. Exactly.

If I were OP, I'd draft and email to a manager like:

"Dear Manager,

   I'd like to talk to you about something. Can we please make an appointment? How does tomorrow at X time look?"


and if I didn't hear from manager, or manager told me "two weeks from now, I have a meeting slot" then I'd type up my issues in an email to manager.

Personally, I feel like OP has a right to say something to Flirty, but doesn't have an obligation to. It's not OP's place to have to keep curtailing Flirty's behavior. OP is not a manager. Plus, that might not address the problem. OP might get Flirty to leave SingleGuy alone, but then Flirty will find another SingleGuy to flirt with elsewhere. Or else, Flirty might go back to her desk and surf the web and still not get work done.

My email to the manager would just be very factual:

"Dear Manager,

   My issue is that 5 days a week, I've been asked to stay late to complete tasks that belong to someone else. I like this company and my work and work very hard to make sure that I complete all of my work every day. I understand that sometimes, everyone has to help others if others fall behind. However, we all keep working late to finish up the work of the same one coworker, [Flirty's real name]. I see her spending most of her time at SingleGuy's desk talking, so of course her work isn't getting done. It's not my business what she does in the day until it impacts me.

    It's very frustrating to be working hard at my desk on my work and on Flirty's work while watching her chat with others and not working on her work. And it upsets me to have to stay late to work on her work after hours, taking time away from my family [even if you're single, it's time away from whatever you do] because she's not doing her work during the day.

    I have other obligations outside of work [even if that means picking lint out of your belly button while watching paint dry]. Again, I understand needing to work overtime to help out an ill coworker or some other extenuating circumstances. However, I see with my own eyes that Flirty is able to do her work, but chooses to socialize instead. I would appreciate being able to do my own work and then go home rather than have to complete her tasks.

    Sincerely,
    OP"


despedina

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #41 on: March 13, 2013, 07:43:07 AM »
Thanks again.  To answer a question, T or "flirty", works a later shift than me (I work 8:30-5, she works 9:30 - 6) so yes she is here later than me. I'm not sure if she stays and works overtime, because I'm rarely at work past 6.  And no, I'm not the only one complaining about her.  I heard another coworker say in the bathroom that T is looking for another "baby daddy" at work to which I did not comment but at least I know I'm not the only one frustrated with her constant chatting.
We had an overall meeting about productivity yesterday. Our management came out and said that we shouldn't think they are snowed about who gets the work done and who does not.  I think took my supervisor to the side a bit later to discuss how our team in general can be more productive, and he showed me the charts he's making to see who is productive and who is not and when.  I then saw T in the director's office later in the day and she didn't spend half as much time chatting.  So it seems they are on to her (I don't know how not, she sits right outside the director's office).

TurtleDove

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #42 on: March 13, 2013, 10:32:28 AM »
It sounds like the OP and management is handling this.  Several posters suggest focusing on what Flirty is doing (flirting, chatting, we don't like seeing her perched on single guys desk, we think she's looking for a baby daddy) instead of working.  If I were Flirty's manager, I would not care what she is doing so long as her work is getting done, and it would make me raise an eyebrow to be told specifics of what Flirty is doing by other employees.  To me, it comes across as borderling creepy and unproductive for coworkers to be tracking what Flirty is doing.

What I WOULD want to hear is that Flirty (or others) is not getting her work done.  It doesn't matter why not - she could be appearing to be working sitting at her desk when really she is online chatting with someone (for that matter, any of the other coworkers could be doing that too).  I think the OP should focus on what management will care about - Flirty is not doing her share of the work.  Leave out all of the "we think she's flirting" junk.  To me, that comes across as petty.  Flirty not getting her work done is what I would care about.

Danika

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #43 on: March 13, 2013, 10:44:36 AM »
Great update! That means that management is on to her and they appreciate those of you who are hard workers.

Looks like they're giving her a chance to turn around and remedy her reputation. And they're probably documenting it in case she doesn't and they can cover their behinds if they have to let her go.

TootsNYC

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Re: How to nicely tell a coworker to stop flirting and get back to work
« Reply #44 on: March 13, 2013, 11:22:59 AM »
  Several posters suggest focusing on what Flirty is doing (flirting, chatting, we don't like seeing her perched on single guys desk, we think she's looking for a baby daddy) instead of working.  If I were Flirty's manager, I would not care what she is doing so long as her work is getting done, and it would make me raise an eyebrow to be told specifics of what Flirty is doing by other employees.  To me, it comes across as borderling creepy and unproductive for coworkers to be tracking what Flirty is doing.

What I WOULD want to hear is that Flirty (or others) is not getting her work done.  It doesn't matter why not - she could be appearing to be working sitting at her desk when really she is online chatting with someone (for that matter, any of the other coworkers could be doing that too).  I think the OP should focus on what management will care about - Flirty is not doing her share of the work.  Leave out all of the "we think she's flirting" junk.  To me, that comes across as petty.  Flirty not getting her work done is what I would care about.

I think everyone HAS said, "leave out the flirting stuff."