Vacation Dictators.

[Lorelei_Evil]

I have a friend who is a vacation dictator.  I went on vacation with her once and refused to do it again.  She insisted on setting the schedule every day, which for her meant getting up at the crack of dawn and cramming each day full of activities.  When I suggested that we take a day or two to relax a bit, she went crazy and said no, we had to see everything.  She got upset at me when I told her that I would not be joining her on her crazy breakneck speech, and blamed me for not seeing some obscure church.  She also didn't take much joy out of food, so she would have been totally fine with just grabbing quick snacks along the way, but I needed real meals.  I put my foot down on getting at least one real, sit-down meal a day, which meant I was treated to impatient sighs and whines that I was taking too long.

My Dad is just like this and it drives me INSANE.  He has to stick to his "itinerary" and no deviations.  I'm disabled now, and I get sick.  I can't predict when I get ill, I just get really ill.  When I have a symptom flare, I may not be able to get up and go.  All my get up and go has gotten up and gone and that's it.  I may be in so much pain I can't really eat.  I always try, because I LOVE restaurants, but not being able to keep food down is part of my life now.

As far as food goes, he's cheap.  ALWAYS complaining about how much everything costs.  So if I can't eat, I get the "wasting food" lecture, too.

So I don't vacation with him.  At all.  Ever.  Because no one enjoys it.  Which makes him turn on the martyr but I stand my ground. 

[Diane AKA Traska]

My issue always seems to be family members insisting that we HAVE to use our vacation time each year to do family trips with them...even though this is by far the least relaxing or enjoyable thing DH and I can think of doing.

This is my issue. I live across the country from my family and have a limited budget. Right now my mother is appalled that I'm choosing to spend my vacation time and the money I've saved for 2 years to go out of the country just for fun. Clearly I'm selfish to prefer to wander the Louvre rather than sit in her den and watch Touched by an Angel on DVD.

"Mother, there's a REASON I moved out..."

[afbluebelle]

I get grief from all sides when I use vacation days for myself. I am allotted 30 days of leave per year, but that doesn't mean I want to use all 30 days traveling. I've had to work enough weekends that sometimes I have to take vacation just to work around the house!

The kicker is when the same relatives talk about their vacations to Cool Place or nice cruises... they don't seem to think I deserve anything but long car trips and hair pulling frustration.

[CakeBeret]

I have a relative who is a vacation dictator. In her view, if your life choices (career choices, vacation choices, family choices) are different than hers, you are automatically wrong.

She would *never* go to Vegas, so she is derisive about the loose morals of anyone who would choose to go there.

She only cruises with Disney. Anyone who can't afford a Disney cruise should simply not take a cruise at all, because all other cruises are hotbeds of filthy sex acts, 24/7 drunkenness, and immoral gambling.

She likes active vacations, where you are on the go 12 hours a day in order to do as much as possible, so she cannot compute that some people want to go on vacation to relax, sit by the pool, have a margarita and bask in the sunshine. "If all you're going to do is lay around, you might as well stay home."

She is very judgmental toward anyone who would "waste" their money to go to a tropical destination--if all you're going to do is lay on a beach, go to a local lake instead. (Never mind that there is absolutely no comparison between a muddy midwest lake and the beaches of, say, Hawaii.)

People should vacation in places rich with history, but only the right kind of history. Munich, Barcelona, Prague, etc. are great. Paris is terrible and filthy and perverted, and anyone who would choose to vacation there is both wasteful and questionable. London is "pointless", so anyone who goes there is wasting their money.

Ancient sites are worth seeing. Modern sites are garish and filthy and worthless.

Vacations require a rigid itinerary. Anyone who travels without a written itinerary (including wake times, bedtimes, meal plans, and precise times for each activity) is foolish and wasting their money.

ETA: And if you don't pinch every penny until it cries, you are wasteful and foolish. No one needs restaurants or decent hotels. Eat plain bread and fruit two meals a day, and cook the third meal in the crappy kitchenette of your interstate motel. After all, food is food, and you should only use your hotel to sleep (and thus you have no right to care about anything else in the hotel).

[Diane AKA Traska]

I have a relative who is a vacation dictator. In her view, if your life choices (career choices, vacation choices, family choices) are different than hers, you are automatically wrong.

She would *never* go to Vegas, so she is derisive about the loose morals of anyone who would choose to go there.

She only cruises with Disney. Anyone who can't afford a Disney cruise should simply not take a cruise at all, because all other cruises are hotbeds of filthy sex acts, 24/7 drunkenness, and immoral gambling.

She likes active vacations, where you are on the go 12 hours a day in order to do as much as possible, so she cannot compute that some people want to go on vacation to relax, sit by the pool, have a margarita and bask in the sunshine. "If all you're going to do is lay around, you might as well stay home."

She is very judgmental toward anyone who would "waste" their money to go to a tropical destination--if all you're going to do is lay on a beach, go to a local lake instead. (Never mind that there is absolutely no comparison between a muddy midwest lake and the beaches of, say, Hawaii.)

People should vacation in places rich with history, but only the right kind of history. Munich, Barcelona, Prague, etc. are great. Paris is terrible and filthy and perverted, and anyone who would choose to vacation there is both wasteful and questionable. London is "pointless", so anyone who goes there is wasting their money.

Ancient sites are worth seeing. Modern sites are garish and filthy and worthless.

Vacations require a rigid itinerary. Anyone who travels without a written itinerary (including wake times, bedtimes, meal plans, and precise times for each activity) is foolish and wasting their money.

I... I think that crosses from "vacation dictator" to "actual dictator".  Are waste elimination times on the itinerary, or is one expected to carry a grocery bag and appropriate connecting hoses for liquids?

[Lorelei_Evil]

   I go to Vegas so much I'm practically a local and get this - I don't gamble.  Which mystifies my parents.  I love restaurants and boy is Vegas a great place to eat, and people watch, and shop.  We like to explore the city, so we aren't on the Strip as much as you might think.  I haunt the food reviews in the RJ to find new places to try, and find fun things to do.  We're likely to hop into the car and go to Trader Joe's and lunch at In N Out versus going to a buffet.  We go see minor league sports. 

I've never been to Disney, but I'm thinking about going next year.

[Piratelvr1121]

I'm one who loves going new places. It really doesn't matter where it is, if I've never seen it before, I'm excited!   This amused and puzzled several people years ago when I was thrilled about going to visit a friend in Iowa.   I'd never been there before, she and I had planned to visit Cedar Rapids which meant Brucemore Mansion and just a driving around tour.  Another day we drove over to Galena, IL and Dubuque, and another day we went to a vineyard. 

It was great and personally I think her town and the parts of Iowa I saw are great and beautiful and I had a great time! I even wanted to move there but DH couldn't easily find work there and we ended up moving out towards western Maryland.   Though I still am eager to get back to Iowa someday.

I can't tell you how many people thought that was a lame vacation and "Why would you want to go to Iowa??" from people who didn't know me well, I got "Oh, are you from Iowa? Are you going to visit family?" from people who knew me better I got "You're going...why? Oh, visiting a friend, okay, that makes sense."  One neighbor asked "Well what are you going to do?" I told her the plans, including the vineyard and she said "You do know we have vineyards here in Maryland, right? You don't have to go to Iowa to visit a vineyard." 

I'm a fairly laid back vacationer too. I mean there are some things I like to do when I go places, especially if there are well known landmarks.  Like when we went to Assateague 2 years ago we spent most of our days at the beach but one day we went to Ocean City, had Thrashers, walked the boardwalk and ate at Shenanigan's.  Another day we went to visit the Assateague Lighthouse. 

When I go to Ireland, that may be more of a scheduled sort of trip because there's going to be more I'll want to see but I also am not always in a hurry cause I think that's a good way to miss out on things.   When my friend went to Ireland last year on a tour they had times when they had scheduled tours but they also had "free days" where they could do whatever they wanted.  While friend and her sister were in Galway they sat and read for a while on a beach and saw seals sunning themselves.

One thing I love about camping on Assateague is it's a good deal cheaper than staying in hotels.  I mean the cost of camping 4 nights on the beach is equivalent to one night at a hotel, possibly less, depending on the hotel.  And while we do get Thasher's and enjoy a meal in a restaurant, the rest of our meals are had by campfire.  Course that's our preference but we wouldn't push it on someone else. We like being able to hear the waves and smell the salt air and honestly we just couldn't afford the hotels that are right on the beach for the same amount and length of stay as camping.

[weeblewobble]

I am fortunate in that both sets of parents, mine and DH's had family members that insisted that ALL vacation time must be spent visiting extended family (DH's) or they just plain couldn't afford vacations. (mine)  I remember handful of nice vacations when I was little, usually when we were traveling with my grandparents.  But DH literally had ONE vacation not spent driving 12 hours to visit his maternal grandmother. His grandmother insisted that since DH's paternal grandparents lived nearby, that all time off must be spent visiting her to make it "even."  And if she heard so much of a whisper of my inlaws wanting to take the kids to the beach or Disney, she would pitch an unholy fit, claiming my MIL was trying to steal her grandchildren away from her. Because of course it was spoiled, evil MIL who wanted to go on vacation.  My FIL wouldn't dream of such an extravagance. 

(GMIL was a peach!)

So now, my parents and DH's parents are thrilled with whatever vacation plans we make.  They're happy the kids get the experience and that we can afford to go on nice trips.  When we travel with either set of parents, it's usually relaxed and fun.  Both grandmas are a big help corralling the kids.

When my brother, Ted, joins us on family vacations, however... sigh.

Ted may say that he'll get up and go at the time everybody agrees on, but if you're bustling around the house, getting the kids dressed and the supplies together, he's still sacked out, usually on the couch in the middle of the hustle and bustle, griping because you're preventing him from sleeping. It takes 30-45 minutes of wheedling from mom and a half-stick of dynamite to get him up.  And then we're treated to sitting on the couch, waiting for him as he's slamming around the house, grumbling to himself while he gets dressed.

Driving with Ted means listening to him either make smart aleck, asenine jokes at someone's expense (usually my mom or dad) or just plain be disrespectful to my parents about driving speed, directions, arrival time, etc. The last time, I told him to shut his pie-hole or I would shut it for him and he TATTLED ON ME.

Ted is pretty lackadaisical about taking care of himself and chafes at any suggestion you give him, because that implies that you think he's irresponsible.  So telling him to put on sunscreen pretty much guarantees that he won't.  Last time, we were at the beach and he dang near got sun poisoning, ended up sleeping on the tile bathroom floor, covered in yogurt to take away the sting. Any plans we had went out the window, because Ted couldn't bear to move.  I told him I was sorry he didn't take time to put on sunscreen, but that didn't mean my kids were going to miss precious few days of beach time and I took them out to the sand.


Have I mentioned he's 27?

[AfleetAlex]

It definitely takes some doing to find people you (general you) travel well with. I travel with two other women (two of us are single, none have kids) and we like to go go go so we can see new things. (Also I'm very fair-skinned so sitting on a beach too long is a bad idea. ) I've had a few trips with people who complained or wanted to sleep in so long that we couldn't do anything or swore they had no money so we had to sit around. I enjoy NOT traveling with those folks anymore.

[Lorelei_Evil]

Agreed.  I love to travel with one of my brothers.  He's even keeled, easy to get along with, and we like a lot of the same stuff.  He can even put up with Dad, he's pretty amazing.

[CakeBeret]

Weeble, Ted sounds exhausting. I commend you for not resorting to violence.

[Kiara]

She only cruises with Disney. Anyone who can't afford a Disney cruise should simply not take a cruise at all, because all other cruises are hotbeds of filthy sex acts, 24/7 drunkenness, and immoral gambling.

Man, I have been on the WRONG cruises.   

[hobish]

One of the friends I vacation with is a go go go type, and a natural dictator of all things. I am so not a go go go type, and I don’t like being treated like an ensign. The first time we planned a trip – to Florida, of all places, not some cultural Mecca – she wanted to schedule every minute of every day, starting at 9am. That was not going to work for me at all. Of course when I protested the over-scheduling I got the old, “You don’t go on vacation to do nothing, do you?” Well, you know what? Sometimes I do. And when I am paying extra for a gorgeous condo right on the beach you bet your sweet patootie I want to spend some time doing nothing. This same friend warned me that she is obsessive about being on time to the point that if we had to leave at 8 to go somewhere, at 5 of she would be sitting in the car blowing the horn and screaming that we are late. Yeah … not my idea of fun. I like to relax on vacation, not be locked into a schedule, and certainly not get screamed at about being on time. Surprisingly enough we were able to work it out where we meet in the middle most times, and spend time apart other times. I feel like the problem sometimes because both Gish and friend’s husband would blindly follow her into a snake pit if she told them to; but somehow it does work. It just requires a bit of foot putting down on both our parts.

[siamesecat2965]

I think too, ity depends on what type of trip and where you go. My first cruise I went with 3 friends. While we did much of our "stuff" together, I really really wanted to go on one very pricy excursion. And said hey, I'm doing this, if you want to join me great, if not, see ya later. One of them did join me, but we all did our own thing at times.  I think cruises lend themselves to that type of travel since you can do as much, or as little, as you want.  And the last day, they were wandering around the ship, i bowed out to go back and "pack" but mainly to get some me time.

I'd go on one with my cousin. Whle she makes me nuts sometimes, we are both independent enough that we can do our own thing, and then meet up later on.

[RebeccainGA]

Luckily, DP and I and our DD are compatible on travel - we did a mix of trips when DD was at home, and spring break three years in a row was spent camping or staying in basic motels while we went from one historic place to another. (she had her senior year with her other parent, due to switching years when DD was in 8th grade for our turns to have spring break, and spent it working for other parent instead of spending it doing something fun.... but I digress)

However, we did do one massive trip with other people - you needed a playbook to know who was who - DP, her ex M and the new partner Y, Y's ex partner T and her new partner H, and H's ex husband. And the seven kids attached to all these grownups. ALL IN TWO CONDOS. I was the only one without an ex on the trip, and since T was the 'wealthy' one, and H and her ex had bought the timeshares that allowed us to stay in the condos, T and H were IN CHARGE. We had marching orders, to the minute, for Disney - and even though I practically can walk Disney blindfolded, having grown up nearby and gone regularly my whole life, they had their maps and we were GOING TO DO IT THEIR WAY. DP, M, Y and I developed 'bad blisters' that required us to stay behind while T, H, and the ex husband went with the kids to the water park. We bonded. We mutinied the next day (our last in Orlando) and the four of us went off by ourselves and enjoyed our time at Epcot while T, H, the ex husband, and all the kids tried to fit in every single thing to do in the park. I'm not sure to this day what you call a large group of lesbians (a gaggle? a bunch? a herd?) but it would have been a murder of lesbians (at least two - T & H) if the four of us hadn't split off. LOL

No more group vacations!