For DH: travel dilemma More Info p.17

[Perfect Circle]

I think he really needs to ask Doug to make sure he is comfortable with the trip.

I say let him take Doug!  He won't have too much fun that way.

I don't quite understand this. Why shouldn't the OP's husband have a good time on the trip?

[Lynn2000]

Add me to the list of those who are curious why Doug was invited if DH suspects his anxiety issues might make the trip unpleasant. If DH was aware of them before issuing the invitation, I don't think he can rescind it now. I like the idea of asking Doug to "confirm" if he's really coming, maybe by email--if Doug felt pressured to accept (maybe it was an on-the-spot thing), this could be his out if he's looking for one.

If Doug still wants to go, it might be good for DH to talk to him about the trip and what DH plans to do with his own time, so Doug can make his own arrangements. Then DH can be clear about his expectations--for example, that they will spend some time together and some time apart. I don't think DH needs to be glued to Doug 24/7, but Doug is his guest, and he should at least provide Doug with some options--like someone else said, "Doug, I'll be going surfing Tuesday morning, but if you'd rather not join me, there's a historical tour you might like to go on that leaves the hotel at 9am." I assume they would be talking extensively anyway, like about what the award is paying for and what DH will be paying for and what Doug will be responsible for himself, money-wise. This advice would apply no matter what, even if Doug was a great traveler; but it will also give him the chance to figure out problem spots in advance and solutions for them.

[BatCity]

I think it might be best if I go ahead and tell what the issue is.

Doug has Multiple Sclerosis. He's never been fond of flying, but until recently he's dealt with it. The last time he took a long trip, he lost his sight for about a day.

DH is very aware of his condition but didn't know how severe it was. He would very much like to have him come along if he wants to.

Regarding giving the trip to my parents...this is still a work related trip that involves team activities and dinners, so it's not transferable.

[Moray]

That sounds like a pretty serious side-effect, but since DH has extended the offer, it's really up to Doug whether he feels up for it.

Sorry you can't swing it!

[Bethalize]

Doug is an adult. If your DH is worried that he won't be able to cope with caring for Doug if necessary then he should discuss that immediately, with Doug. If DH thinks that he can't handle possible scenarios, or isn't willing to handle them, then he needs to withdraw his invitation and tell Doug why. To do that without discussing it with Doug would be the end of the friendship if I was the one with MS. It would be fairly touch and go even if you did discuss it first. Much better to acknowledge that things might go wrong and have plans in place to deal with them.

[Moray]

OP, do you know if your DH realized the extent of Doug's potential limitations before he extended the offer? Did they come up in conversation later?

[cross_patch]

I think he really needs to ask Doug to make sure he is comfortable with the trip.

I say let him take Doug!  He won't have too much fun that way.

I don't quite understand this. Why shouldn't the OP's husband have a good time on the trip?

I also don't understand why you wouldn't want him to have a good time.

[Hillia]

I think he really needs to ask Doug to make sure he is comfortable with the trip.

I say let him take Doug!  He won't have too much fun that way.

I don't quite understand this. Why shouldn't the OP's husband have a good time on the trip?

I also don't understand why you wouldn't want him to have a good time.

It's a joke.  OP's husband shouldn't have too good a time without her since she's missing out on the trip.  If he has too much fun without her, maybe he'll always want to go without her.  Joke joke joke - not terribly subtle.

[Veronica]

I think he really needs to ask Doug to make sure he is comfortable with the trip.

I say let him take Doug!  He won't have too much fun that way.

I don't quite understand this. Why shouldn't the OP's husband have a good time on the trip?

I also don't understand why you wouldn't want him to have a good time.

Bopper, please correct me if I'm wrong, but I think she is of the belief (religious?) that anytime a married couple has an enjoyable time separately that means they are cheating on their significant other.  So she is apparently joking that Batcity's DH and Doug will have some sort of an affair?  Apparently?

[Moray]

I read it as bopper implying that Doug would be the only thing getting in the way of the OP's husband engaging in adultery.

Which isn't that funny, even if it was meant as a joke.

[Veronica]

I read it as bopper implying that Doug would be the only thing getting in the way of the OP's husband engaging in adultery.

Which isn't that funny, even if it was meant as a joke.

Yep, you're right.  I read it wrong.  She's implying that unless your DH takes Doug and has a bad time he will have an adulterous affair. 

[cross_patch]

I think he really needs to ask Doug to make sure he is comfortable with the trip.

I say let him take Doug!  He won't have too much fun that way.

I don't quite understand this. Why shouldn't the OP's husband have a good time on the trip?

I also don't understand why you wouldn't want him to have a good time.

It's a joke.  OP's husband shouldn't have too good a time without her since she's missing out on the trip.  If he has too much fun without her, maybe he'll always want to go without her.  Joke joke joke - not terribly subtle.

That last sentence was fairly unnecessary.

[LadyDyani]

I think he really needs to ask Doug to make sure he is comfortable with the trip.

I say let him take Doug!  He won't have too much fun that way.

I don't quite understand this. Why shouldn't the OP's husband have a good time on the trip?

I also don't understand why you wouldn't want him to have a good time.

It's a joke.  OP's husband shouldn't have too good a time without her since she's missing out on the trip.  If he has too much fun without her, maybe he'll always want to go without her.  Joke joke joke - not terribly subtle.

This is what I read it as.  "OP's husband shouldn't have too good a time without her since she's missing out on the trip."

[bah12]

I don't think your DH should do anything at this point.  He already invited Doug and since Doug is aware of his condition and the risks associated with it, then he can make his own decision on whether or not he wants to take that risk.  Is your DH worried that Doug may need some care that will mean he (DH) won't be able to fully enjoy the trip?   
Anyway, since he still says he wants Doug to go if Doug wants to go, I'm not sure what the dillemma is.  I presume nothing about the travel arrangements have changed since Doug was originally invited, so if DH is still willing to go with him (even knowing the seriousness of his condition), I'm not sure why he needs to clarify that with Doug.  Ther's nothing to be done.

[BatCity]

I think he really needs to ask Doug to make sure he is comfortable with the trip.

I say let him take Doug!  He won't have too much fun that way.

I don't quite understand this. Why shouldn't the OP's husband have a good time on the trip?

I also don't understand why you wouldn't want him to have a good time.

It's a joke.  OP's husband shouldn't have too good a time without her since she's missing out on the trip.  If he has too much fun without her, maybe he'll always want to go without her.  Joke joke joke - not terribly subtle.

This is what I read it as.  "OP's husband shouldn't have too good a time without her since she's missing out on the trip."

OP here. Yes, that wasn't me! I want him to have a great time.