Sampling or Stealing? (Update p.5 #68)

[TootsNYC]

I remember going back and forth about whether it was appropriate to taste a grape at the grocery store (since they're sold by weight) to judge whether to buy it.  So once I asked an employee if they grapes were sweet, in order to avoid having to taste-test.  He said, "Just try one."  Ha.  So I figured that, at least at that grocery store, trying a single grape is considered sampling and not stealing.  Of course, other grocery stores might disagree.  But nowadays I have to worry less about sampling, because I have small children who will generally eat the grapes even if I don't like them. That *is* why people have children, right?  Works for nectarines, too.

I thought it was so you can play on the equipment at the park without people thinking you're strange. 

I thought it was so you can play with playdough and Legos.

[Minmom3]

What I used to do when faced with HAVING to go to the store at the end of a long day, while having tired and hungry small children with me, was give them a banana.  I'd get an extra banana the same size, and when we got to the check out, I ask to throw away the empty peel, and hand them the uneaten banana and ask them to ring it up, and then NOT bag it with my stuff, that I just wanted to pay for the one(s) my child(ren) had eaten.  I made sure the single banana didn't get demolished in its ride in my cart, so it was in sell-able condition when I handed it back.  I figure cashiers get enough go-backs already, me adding 1 lone banana isn't going to cause them any more work than they already have.  My children got food when they needed it, the store gets to charge me for the eaten food, and nobody shopping at the same time has to listen to a small child having a melt down because she doesn't understand WHY, with all the food around, she can't have anything.  Small children in the under 5 range really can't be reasoned with when they're tired and want to go home and hungry and really want some food Right Now.

[twiggy]

What I used to do when faced with HAVING to go to the store at the end of a long day, while having tired and hungry small children with me, was give them a banana.  I'd get an extra banana the same size, and when we got to the check out, I ask to throw away the empty peel, and hand them the uneaten banana and ask them to ring it up, and then NOT bag it with my stuff, that I just wanted to pay for the one(s) my child(ren) had eaten.  I made sure the single banana didn't get demolished in its ride in my cart, so it was in sell-able condition when I handed it back.  I figure cashiers get enough go-backs already, me adding 1 lone banana isn't going to cause them any more work than they already have.  My children got food when they needed it, the store gets to charge me for the eaten food, and nobody shopping at the same time has to listen to a small child having a melt down because she doesn't understand WHY, with all the food around, she can't have anything.  Small children in the under 5 range really can't be reasoned with when they're tired and want to go home and hungry and really want some food Right Now.

I usually pay for it first. I saw too many times where MIL opened a soda or cookie for the grandkids just to have her card declined at the register (her bank still hasn't figured out that she comes to HomeState 3-5 times a year). I know that some say it's rude to ever eat in a store, and there's a big mess, etc. But I figure that I'm good as long as I'm cleaning up after any spills/crumbs, and wipe down the cart where sticky fingers have marked it.

[jaxsue]

I used to work as a vendor in several Walmarts in NJ. The stuff we saw!  People would consume food and drinks and leave the wrappers/cans on shelves. Did they pay for them? Maybe, but I doubt most of them did. I'd find empty packaging shoved behind other things. One day I saw a mom opening a package of candy for her child (unpaid, she'd just taken it off the shelf), when it split open and all the candy flew all over. It was candy like Skittles, so it was a safety hazard and had to be cleaned up right away. Of course the store didn't make mom pay for it, and it had to be turned in as a loss (which other customers pay for, of course). I'm not throwing the mom into ehell, she could have been having an absolutely awful day, but when you saw this day after day it gets old. It's difficult not to be cynical, KWIM?

When my boys were small I took a little container of cheerios on shopping trips. They loved those.

I do appreciate people paying for the food/drink they consume. Honesty is appreciated.

[Tierrainney]

My local grocery store used to have a bin labeled "free apple for children" and it was encouraged that a child could take an apple to eat while shopping.

They haven't done that for a few years. I don't know if it was simply a limited time by planning, or if it was taken advantage of, they got tired of cleaning up stray bits of apple, or what.

My kids still mention it and look for the bin.

[TurtleDove]

Girly said: I do think the teenagers were rude if they were obviously only there for the free samples, but that's going to be a problem for the shop to deal with, not the other customers.

How would anyone know this? How were the teenagers’ actions any different from that of the OP’s?

TootsNYC said: o, they know that perhaps you won't buy something this time. They're taking a longterm view--if they create a positive link between you and them, then you might buy yogurt in the future just because you have a warm, fuzzy feeling toward them (you know, you think you *might* like yogurt, but may not or maybe you shouldn't, and then you, "oh, heck, I'll get some, I like the yogurt place and their yogurt is good.")

Or you'll wander in sometime sort of to kill time or just because you're walking past and there's a positive association with them (if you hadn't sampled at some point, you might just keep going, or kill your extra minutes somewhere else), and then you buy.

It's pretty cheap advertising.

(and remember, Etiquette doesn't care what your INTENT was; that's Character. The only thing Etiquette really cares about is what it looks like.)

I think this should apply to the teenagers as well then.  Personally, I think both the teenagers and the OP were wrong, but regardless, I don’t understand the double standard.

[Girlie]

Girly said: I do think the teenagers were rude if they were obviously only there for the free samples, but that's going to be a problem for the shop to deal with, not the other customers.

How would anyone know this? How were the teenagers’ actions any different from that of the OP’s?

TootsNYC said: o, they know that perhaps you won't buy something this time. They're taking a longterm view--if they create a positive link between you and them, then you might buy yogurt in the future just because you have a warm, fuzzy feeling toward them (you know, you think you *might* like yogurt, but may not or maybe you shouldn't, and then you, "oh, heck, I'll get some, I like the yogurt place and their yogurt is good.")

Or you'll wander in sometime sort of to kill time or just because you're walking past and there's a positive association with them (if you hadn't sampled at some point, you might just keep going, or kill your extra minutes somewhere else), and then you buy.

It's pretty cheap advertising.

(and remember, Etiquette doesn't care what your INTENT was; that's Character. The only thing Etiquette really cares about is what it looks like.)

I think this should apply to the teenagers as well then.  Personally, I think both the teenagers and the OP were wrong, but regardless, I don’t understand the double standard.

That's why I used the word "if" and offered that it is for the store, not other customers, to deal with.
I would certainly hope that a store would be able to exercise discretion and common sense in dealing with a group of people (or an individual) of any age that appears to be taking more than what they are willing to give them.

Also, I will have to respectfully disagree about what etiquette "cares about". I really don't think that etiquette is only about how you look. Etiquette, IMHO, is about how you make other people and yourself feel - as in, everyone has the right to be respected as an individual, including one's own person. The rules of etiquette are not good rules when the primary concern is in how one is perceived - if that were the case, then rules such as "never wearing white after Labor Day" and "never wear black to a wedding" would still be full force.

[LadyDyani]

I remember going back and forth about whether it was appropriate to taste a grape at the grocery store (since they're sold by weight) to judge whether to buy it.  So once I asked an employee if they grapes were sweet, in order to avoid having to taste-test.  He said, "Just try one."  Ha.  So I figured that, at least at that grocery store, trying a single grape is considered sampling and not stealing.  Of course, other grocery stores might disagree.  But nowadays I have to worry less about sampling, because I have small children who will generally eat the grapes even if I don't like them. That *is* why people have children, right?  Works for nectarines, too.

I thought it was so you can play on the equipment at the park without people thinking you're strange. 

I thought it was so you can play with playdough and Legos.

I had mine so I could dress as a pirate and play in the front yard without the neighbors thinking I was odd.

[Jules1980]

I haven't read all the way through yet, but I just had to stop and ask how big are these samples?  At my local froyo place the sample cups are are the little white cups they use for ketchup at fast food joints.  They can't hold more than a bite and a half at the most.  If that's the case, I'd say 5 samples isn't going to affect the day to day cost.  Now, if you went in everyday and did this, it would get annoying but once in a blue moon, especially if you really did intend to buy something, is fine.  I would just be sure to buy something next time you go in, even if it is just vanilla.

[Softly Spoken]

Girly said: I do think the teenagers were rude if they were obviously only there for the free samples, but that's going to be a problem for the shop to deal with, not the other customers.

How would anyone know this? How were the teenagers’ actions any different from that of the OP’s?

TootsNYC said: o, they know that perhaps you won't buy something this time. They're taking a longterm view--if they create a positive link between you and them, then you might buy yogurt in the future just because you have a warm, fuzzy feeling toward them (you know, you think you *might* like yogurt, but may not or maybe you shouldn't, and then you, "oh, heck, I'll get some, I like the yogurt place and their yogurt is good.")

Or you'll wander in sometime sort of to kill time or just because you're walking past and there's a positive association with them (if you hadn't sampled at some point, you might just keep going, or kill your extra minutes somewhere else), and then you buy.

It's pretty cheap advertising.

(and remember, Etiquette doesn't care what your INTENT was; that's Character. The only thing Etiquette really cares about is what it looks like.)

I think this should apply to the teenagers as well then.  Personally, I think both the teenagers and the OP were wrong, but regardless, I don’t understand the double standard.

That's why I used the word "if" and offered that it is for the store, not other customers, to deal with.
I would certainly hope that a store would be able to exercise discretion and common sense in dealing with a group of people (or an individual) of any age that appears to be taking more than what they are willing to give them.

Also, I will have to respectfully disagree about what etiquette "cares about". I really don't think that etiquette is only about how you look. Etiquette, IMHO, is about how you make other people and yourself feel - as in, everyone has the right to be respected as an individual, including one's own person. The rules of etiquette are not good rules when the primary concern is in how one is perceived - if that were the case, then rules such as "never wearing white after Labor Day" and "never wear black to a wedding" would still be full force.

Just FWIW/FYI on the bolded: The yogurt place in question is right next to a public middle school that does not have a reputation for the most well-behaved children. When the school lets out at 3pm, the drugstore next door battens down it's hatches and deploys extra exployees to monitor the candy and snack isles and discourage "five finger 'discounts'" I have also heard that the little paper sample cups at the yogurt place (think thimble sized, like 1/2 size of a medicine cup), are put away at the same time, to prevent the same kids from walking out with a "sample" spiraling out of said cup a good 6-10" high.

I stop pulling the handle on the machines almost before I start, and I end up with a 2" high sample whether I want it or not.