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How to fend off intrusive, insensitive comments re: starting a family

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Awestruck Shmuck:
Okay, I will try and keep this short...but i'm not sure it'll work out that way!!

Background: I was born with a number of birth defects that usually manifest themselves in a much much worse way. I was very fortunate to have the doctors that I did, and beyond fortunate to have the parents/family I have, who never let me feel different, and Drs have credited them for ensuring my mental capacity was not diminished/undermined - the issues I was born with normally have major physical deformities and sometimes, varying degrees of mental retardation. (the syndrome is Golden Har Syndrome. I remember my big brother came crying to me one night when he was about 17 because he had googled it, and seen pictures of how other people born with the syndrome looked. I was very, VERY lucky).

My minor (outwardly visible) physical deformities are part of who I am, and my fiance, friends, family, colleagues never bring it up unless I do first. I don't dwell on them, but they are undeniable, and its my innards that worry me the most - in terms of starting a family - I have hydrocephalus (I have a shunt) and dextracardia-situs invertus (my organs are aaaall topsy-turvy/back-to-front/on the wrong side)

My fiance and I desperately want to start a family in the next few years. We realise with the isues I have (otherwise healthy as an ox!!), I MAY have difficulty conceiving/carrying a healthy baby to term. We might have to look at IVF, or surrogacy or adoption or fostering, we know this. But we want to see if we can conceive naturally first - and my geneticist has said its *possible* so we're going to see how it goes, after the wedding next year.

The Issue: Where do people get off asking how my issues will affect our children?! These are not family, or close friends. This is my fiances mums neighbour, and equally random folks. They get this vaguely concerned look on their face and ask if we'll be having children naturally, or ask if we will 'risk having kids' (i got that one twice - once from my last bosses wife, and once from my fiances grandmother). I've never been one to worry about what others think, but since I was made redundant a few weeks ago, I'm a little less confident, and a little quicker to snap. In the past, I would deal with it by complete silence, or asking them if they really want to centre a conversation around my s3x life (!!!)...but with engagement parties, dinners, catching up with, and meeting all sorts of people at the moment, I just know it'll come up again, and I'm worried about offending someone close to the inlaws.

Gah!! maybe this is more of a vent now, but does anyone have any short'n'sweet ways to say MIND YOUR FREAKING BUSINESS?


Awestruck Shmuck:
Carp that was huge. As you can see, short'n'sweet is not my forte!

  I am sorry that people are being so insensitive. My dh has a genetic syndrome (holt oram) .It causes deformity of the upper limbs and heart conditions.  Out of 6 kids only my youngest ds has it. He has pretty severe deformaties if both hands and arms as well as heart condition.  I am surprised we were never asked those questions.

I would tell them that you are not interested in discussing it and bean dip them, I know I would have had a very hard time being civil if someone had said something like that after having met my dh.

Awestruck Shmuck:
Thanks momtwosix! Ah the good ol' bean-dip, I will give that a go.

You are welcome. I did a lot of beandipping about how many kids we had. The worst was when we had a boy. He was my fifth and people assumed we were done now that we had a boy.

As long as you, your fiancee and your doctor are o.k. with you getting pregnant it is no one elses business.


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