Author Topic: Conversational responsibility...  (Read 5282 times)

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Mikayla

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Re: Conversational responsibility...
« Reply #30 on: March 10, 2013, 12:58:56 PM »
Why does everything have to have a positive spin on it all the time? A negative statement isn't rude in and of itself. The OP was honest about her reasons for shopping there and that wasn't rude either.

I think you're creating a false distinction.  For one thing, nobody has called the OP rude.  That's because she wasn't.

The issue is whether it could have been handled better.  If it was a one on one interaction, I completely agree with you.  But in a roomful of parents, even though OP is not at all responsible for the rudeness and escalation of the others, that doesn't mean there might not have been a better response, which several PPs have given. 

I actually think the second person was the rude one, starting with the reverse snobbery in her original question. 

Two Ravens

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Re: Conversational responsibility...
« Reply #31 on: March 10, 2013, 01:13:37 PM »
I agree that the "too expensive" lady started the awkward situation.

But that got me thinking. Would the OP's response still be appropriate if the first lady had said, "Oh, I never go there. It's too far from my house."? There's no value judgement there.

Twik

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Re: Conversational responsibility...
« Reply #32 on: March 11, 2013, 01:13:05 PM »
No, because there's no implication that there's anything wrong with the store, at least for people who live nearer.
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TootsNYC

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Re: Conversational responsibility...
« Reply #33 on: March 11, 2013, 02:01:15 PM »
I didn't see it as a vent at all, it was just a statement of fact.


Just because it's a fact (and it's not, really, it's your opinion) doesn't mean you have to say it.


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I don't agree with your position, but then I can't abide the notion that everything must be positive and happy-clappy all the time and nobody's ever allowed to say anything even slightly negative,  so perhaps it's me.
This is a false dichotomy. You are *not* actually presented with the choice of being "positive and happy-clappy" or saying negative things.

You have many, many more-polite options in between. Including silence.

And honestly, if you're going to drop gratuitous criticisms into casual conversations with people you aren't particularly close to, I bet you they would rather you stayed silent.

Is it necessary for you to volunteer that you dislike WalMart because of loud and unattended children? You said "if someone asks me why I don't shop there," but DOES anybody ask you?

AND...can't you find other less polarizing ways to explain a negative?

Negative comments can turn the whole conversation negative (as they definitely did in the OP's example). That is part of the reason they are not appropriate in most conversations--and definitely not in a casual one.

perpetua

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Re: Conversational responsibility...
« Reply #34 on: March 11, 2013, 02:21:02 PM »
I didn't see it as a vent at all, it was just a statement of fact.


Just because it's a fact (and it's not, really, it's your opinion) doesn't mean you have to say it.


It was indeed a statement of fact. I was referring to the OP's position that she chose to shop at wherever because she doesn't enjoy shopping at places where there are children. That is actually a fact. And the OP has every right to state it if she wants to.


turnip

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Re: Conversational responsibility...
« Reply #35 on: March 11, 2013, 03:52:17 PM »
I didn't see it as a vent at all, it was just a statement of fact.


Just because it's a fact (and it's not, really, it's your opinion) doesn't mean you have to say it.


It was indeed a statement of fact. I was referring to the OP's position that she chose to shop at wherever because she doesn't enjoy shopping at places where there are children. That is actually a fact. And the OP has every right to state it if she wants to.

But this isn't 'constitutional right's hell'.   I believe it is rude to express your preference to avoid a particular sub-group of people, whatever that sub-group might be and however reasonable your objections to them might be.     It is a topic best avoided.