Author Topic: This is just low.  (Read 9571 times)

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Venus193

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Re: This is just low.
« Reply #15 on: March 08, 2013, 01:19:06 PM »
I remember once being on the subway with a cane and seeing a woman with crutches standing by the pole.  I was the only person to offer the seat.

Roe

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Re: This is just low.
« Reply #16 on: March 08, 2013, 02:01:37 PM »
I've heard stories about people who legitimately needed a seat and couldn't get one on the DC metro, but honestly, for that week that I had the big black boot on my right foot and a cane, I never even had to ask.  Guys just jumped out of their seats to let me have it! 
And I'm old, and fat, and not conventionally pretty in the least.    What did I do right? 
(But I'd never fake a pregnancy or injury to get a seat just because I was lazy, either)

I've had the same experience on DC metro.  I've never seen an older woman, pregnant woman, injured person...need to stand.  Heck, my kiddo (who enjoys metro 'surfing') has been offered a seat because he's young)!   

My DH always gives up his seat to those in greater need.  I get motion sickness so I only offer it up when I see an extreme case.  But my boys do offer their seats up when they see someone older or in need.  It's just the way we were brought up.

Cami

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Re: This is just low.
« Reply #17 on: March 08, 2013, 02:39:37 PM »
I never once had anyone offer me a seat or a hand when I was pregnant, so I wouldn't bother to try that trick. Especially since I got way more sexual harassment from strangers when I was pregnant than the entire rest of my life combined. My experience was that being visibly pregnant was a huge negative.

jaxsue

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Re: This is just low.
« Reply #18 on: March 08, 2013, 05:19:49 PM »
The hospital has a premier parking spot marked, "For Clergy Only."  I would think a patient would take precedence over someone visiting, even if the person visiting is "clergy."  Why would that matter?

Probably because they need to get there in a hurry if somebody has called for them, and the hospital would rather they not waste their time circling the lot looking for a space when a dying person has asked for a final blessing.  That's my guess, at least.

This.
My dad was a minister and he parked in those spots (he had an official placard). He went to the hospital to visit church members several times a week.

Rohanna

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Re: This is just low.
« Reply #19 on: March 08, 2013, 05:24:31 PM »
I don't agree with it but at the same time I'm frustrated by the trend that premium spots should be reserved for those who are visibly pregnant or have young children with them. A lot of people have very valid reasons for wanting to sit down, park closer, get through a line quicker, etc. but you don't see anybody going out of their way to accommodate that (except, of course, for spots legally reserved for those with handicapped placards).

I'm not unsympathetic, I had 3 pregnancies. Middle DS was so big I had OB nurses asking how far overdue I was when I was only 36 weeks! My kids are close in age so at one point I had a newborn, 15 month old and barely 3 year old. I get it! Even still, I never had anyone offer me a seat or go out of their way to hold a door for me and that was okay. The only time I got upset was when people would take one look at me, assume I was going to slowly waddle around, and hurry to cut in front of me to get to a door or a line, etc. Sheesh!  ::)

I guess if you're just lazy and entitled the fake belly makes you a jerk, but if you have a legit reason for needing to sit then it'd be a lot quicker and easier than asking for a seat and trying to explain "I know I look completely capable of standing for the next 20 minutes, however..." Meh, pass the belly!

I don't think it's exactly a "trend". Being helpful to the infirm (of any nature, be it pregnancy, age or disability that is causing it) is the basis of many cultures ideas of etiquette and kindness- it was not so long ago in western culture that it was expected that a man give up his seat to *any* women, regardless of whether she was pregnant, and that anyone young gave up a seat to their "elders". In many ways I don't like the "new" habit of ignoring those around you that might need help- I think we've gone too far towards being a "me first" culture in many ways.

 Just because you don't like it or didn't need it is hardly a reason to pretend it's something new.
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DottyG

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Re: This is just low.
« Reply #20 on: March 08, 2013, 06:09:23 PM »
I agree with Rohanna.


CharlieBraun

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Re: This is just low.
« Reply #21 on: March 08, 2013, 06:16:05 PM »
I never once had anyone offer me a seat or a hand when I was pregnant, so I wouldn't bother to try that trick. Especially since I got way more sexual harassment from strangers when I was pregnant than the entire rest of my life combined. My experience was that being visibly pregnant was a huge negative.

T/j....

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JenJay

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Re: This is just low.
« Reply #22 on: March 08, 2013, 06:54:45 PM »
I don't agree with it but at the same time I'm frustrated by the trend that premium spots should be reserved for those who are visibly pregnant or have young children with them. A lot of people have very valid reasons for wanting to sit down, park closer, get through a line quicker, etc. but you don't see anybody going out of their way to accommodate that (except, of course, for spots legally reserved for those with handicapped placards).

I'm not unsympathetic, I had 3 pregnancies. Middle DS was so big I had OB nurses asking how far overdue I was when I was only 36 weeks! My kids are close in age so at one point I had a newborn, 15 month old and barely 3 year old. I get it! Even still, I never had anyone offer me a seat or go out of their way to hold a door for me and that was okay. The only time I got upset was when people would take one look at me, assume I was going to slowly waddle around, and hurry to cut in front of me to get to a door or a line, etc. Sheesh!  ::)

I guess if you're just lazy and entitled the fake belly makes you a jerk, but if you have a legit reason for needing to sit then it'd be a lot quicker and easier than asking for a seat and trying to explain "I know I look completely capable of standing for the next 20 minutes, however..." Meh, pass the belly!

I don't think it's exactly a "trend". Being helpful to the infirm (of any nature, be it pregnancy, age or disability that is causing it) is the basis of many cultures ideas of etiquette and kindness- it was not so long ago in western culture that it was expected that a man give up his seat to *any* women, regardless of whether she was pregnant, and that anyone young gave up a seat to their "elders". In many ways I don't like the "new" habit of ignoring those around you that might need help- I think we've gone too far towards being a "me first" culture in many ways.

 Just because you don't like it or didn't need it is hardly a reason to pretend it's something new.

Again, I'm speaking only about the trend, which in my experience is something relatively new, in dedicating parking spots to pregnant women and parents with small children. I wasn't making a general, sweeping statement about chivalry in general.

Shea

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Re: This is just low.
« Reply #23 on: March 08, 2013, 06:59:41 PM »
The hospital has a premier parking spot marked, "For Clergy Only."  I would think a patient would take precedence over someone visiting, even if the person visiting is "clergy."  Why would that matter?
I would assume that that is intended for clergy that is coming to give someone their last rites. You wouldn't want the priest to arrive after the patient died because they couldn't get a parking spot.

That's what I'd think too, if a dying person is devout, I imagine it would be extremely distressing they'd asked for a priest to administer the Last Rites and the guy wasn't showing up because the parking lot was full. As long as there's plenty of space for patients I don't think it's so bad.


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Carotte

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Re: This is just low.
« Reply #24 on: March 08, 2013, 07:37:12 PM »
Unless I can see that the person has visible trouble moving (age, random disability..) I will not offer my seat on the bus just because someone has white hair, that's almost asking for the person to be offended. I will however offer it to a pregnant woman (if it's clearly visible she's pregnant).

But I'm in the mind that there's a simple and quite clearly magical way to handle it, ask.
It's not e-hell approved, although I only do it in my mind, but it makes me snicker to hear old people complaining about not being offered a seat on the bus when they are being snarky and are not actually asking. I zone out in the bus/metro or I'm reading, chances are, if you don't make yourself known I will not know you are there. And if you ask nicely, you could look like a healthy young teen I will probably give you my seat.

Hollanda

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Re: This is just low.
« Reply #25 on: March 09, 2013, 05:36:29 AM »
I had a hard time getting a seat when I was almost full term!!! Sometimes I would just sit down at the stop and wait for the next bus! I've offered my seat a few times to pregnant ladies, people with kids or elderly people but not everyone does.
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auntmeegs

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Re: This is just low.
« Reply #26 on: March 09, 2013, 06:00:30 AM »

(If I ran a parking lot, I'd have a space "reserved for people w/ temporary injuries" or something. But then again, those "reserved for mothers w/ kids" spaces aren't legally enforced--if you've sprained your ankle at tennis and the space is empty, feel free to take it. Might be smart to exaggerate your limp a bit, though.)

I twisted my ankle not too long ago and though it's mainly healed, if I walk too much it can start to bother me again.  I hate that premium spots are reserved for pregnant women.  There are so many reasons why people (men included!) might need a closer spot.

So because there can't be reserved spots for every situayion,  there shouldn't be any for anyone?  I can't get behind that logic. 

Syrse

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Re: This is just low.
« Reply #27 on: March 09, 2013, 08:34:54 AM »
I feel like the mommy parking spots are a real hot topic on this board. I wonder why?

As a new time mom, I am extremely grateful for them. And of course men can use them too, my husband uses them when he goes shopping with our baby. That's the whole point of the spaces, because you have kids with you. The less distance they have to cross in a parking lot, which is a highly dangerous place for tiny tots, the better. And with a newborn, putting your cart back in the cradle is so much easier with the premium spots. Leaving your kid in the car, even for ten seconds, is really nerve racking.
And I actually did not park in them at all while pregnant, I was still able to walk really well.

Back on topic, that's just an all new low. Pretending to be pregnant?

What I cannot stand though is thoughtlessness. We once got on the subway right after two girls... who sat down in the seats specially reserved for strollers. The rest of the tram was empty! They gave us a blank stare. We ended up parking the stroller next to them, and stood next to it the whole ride. Honestly? With an empty tram?
Or parents who, on a packed subway, keep their toddler in an empty seat. Seriously, if the subway fills up, take the kid on your lap and give someone else a seat.








Rohanna

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Re: This is just low.
« Reply #28 on: March 09, 2013, 09:01:38 AM »
I don't know either- it's a feature some stores offer for a demographic of their customers- it's no different to me than "employee of the month" parking or "take out only" parking spots at some restaurants. If you have a disability there is a legally enforced avenue for you to get enforced, regulated parking spaces- this is simply a perk for a different demographic. It doesn't discriminate against men, because men are parents too- and my husband has used the spots when it's icy or cold out and he has the kids by himself. It doesn't even discriminate against non-parents, because my sister has frequently used them while watching my kids for me, and she has none of her own.

It's not rocket science to figure out why stores do this. Largely it's big box stores who offer the spots, and big box stores make a lot of money off of families (particularly large ones and ones with young children). By offering "perk" parking spots, they make it more likely that the parent out with a pack of kids by his/herself will choose them- knowing there's a reasonable chance they won't be having to truck non-mobile kids in from the back-end of the lot makes popping in for diapers, milk, and bread more temping at BoxMart- and that once they get you in you'll end up with a cart full of other stuff they didn't mean to buy  ;) They don't really worry about the "one time your knee was a bit sore so you went home instead of running in to get a bit of yarn", because if it's a long-term problem you can get a handicap pass, if it's short term you'll be back to shopping normally sooner than my kid(s) learns to walk independantly. It's not a morality judgement or a statement on your value as a person- it's economics. They don't love me and my kids more than you and your occasionally tricky knee- I am just statistically speaking more likely to spend more money at that type of store.
My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world. ~ Jack Layton.

MerryCat

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Re: This is just low.
« Reply #29 on: March 09, 2013, 09:48:42 AM »
(Quote tree trimmed a bit)

I twisted my ankle not too long ago and though it's mainly healed, if I walk too much it can start to bother me again.  I hate that premium spots are reserved for pregnant women.  There are so many reasons why people (men included!) might need a closer spot.

So because there can't be reserved spots for every situayion,  there shouldn't be any for anyone?  I can't get behind that logic.

I think that Roe's point is that if those spots weren't reserved for pregnant women then everyone would have a fair shot at getting them. No, you wouldn't be guaranteed a spot, but at least you'd have a chance. The way it is now, some people always have the chance and others have none, even if they need it equally badly.