Author Topic: Correcting Faux Pas / Behavior of Others or The Battle Against Eroding Manners  (Read 3424 times)

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JeanFromBNA

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I think applying and informing offenders of consequences is necessary:  "You weren't ready when we picked you up, so we missed the first act of the play,"  or what VltGrantham's husband did when he refused to admit guests that hadn't RSVP'd.  I think that verbally warning potential offenders of consequences is fair:  "If you're not ready by 6PM, we'll have to leave without you."

It usually has no effect on the repeat offender to tell them that the offense was rude; they know that already and don't care enough to correct it. 

Venus193

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I agree that it's fair.  These things require a very direct approach.

Daquiri40

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My brother and sister-in-law were late to every family gathering/meal for years.  I think they left their house, which was an hour away, at the time we were supposed to be sitting down and eating.  One time, my father had us sit down and start eating.  They walked in as we were finishing.  My SIL said, "why didn't you wait for us?"  My father said, "you were late, we started without you.  Be on time next time."  She huffed and puffed but what argument did she actually have?

They were on time the next time.

Lynn2000

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I think the vast majority of threads here involve trying to "correct someone's rudeness," whether by pointing it out to them directly or changing one's own behavior so there's no opportunity for the rudeness to occur. E.g., you can tell someone that their lateness inconveniences you, or you can stop inviting them to things where promptness matters. The former is more direct and straight-forward, the latter more subtle but potentially with less drama. Though with the latter you may end up explaining your reason anyway, if the person finally asks you why they don't get invited to stuff anymore.

I think "rude to point out rudeness" involves situations where the "rudeness" doesn't really affect you personally, where calling someone "rude" is actually just name-calling so you can feel superior. Or you're sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong. Like if you said to a stranger in front of you in the grocery check-out lane, "Excuse me, could you not talk on your cell phone right now? It's rude to the cashier because she might need to ask you something and you aren't paying attention to her." The wording in itself is polite and you're explaining the reason why something is bad (which I think is useful). But if someone posted here that they said this, I think a lot of people would go, "You were rude to point out her rudeness! You should have minded your own business, it's patronizing to try and school another adult like that." Especially doing it on behalf of the cashier, who presumably could speak up on her own if she felt it appropriate.
~Lynn2000

Venus193

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The problem with a draconian opinion that it is always rude to call someone out on his rudeness is that it eliminates any possibility of correction in a world where so many people don't seem to have a clue about etiquette.  And who wants to live in a world like that?