Author Topic: Referring a complaint about a misbehaving child to a "responsible adult"  (Read 4489 times)

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cheyne

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No, you were not "meddling".

Other mother should have taken her own advice and kept her mouth shut.

Clint's mom should be watching him and not letting "The Village" do it.  If "The Village" has to watch her kid, then they have the right and responsibility to correct his behavior.  Especially when Clint is throwing equipment around.

BeagleMommy

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Yeah, Clint's mom needs to be put on the spot for this.  OP, you were fine.  Other Mom should take her own advice.

lowspark

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I agree that the complaint probably carried more weight coming from a stranger than from you, a member of the group. Is this because we tend to get embarrassed more easily by strangers noticing our bad behavior than by friends or relatives? In any case, I think you did the exact right thing. I most likely would have done the same.
 
I wonder if the coach did talk to the mom. I think that ultimately, it's the coach's responsibility to make sure the kids are behaving since he is the one who is head of the team as far as the competition and facility are concerned. However, when the parents are there, it's perfectly reasonable for him to expect the parents to back him up by, at the very least, making sure their own child is behaving properly.
 
In his place, I would definitely give the kids a quick lecture on "how to be have at a meet" before they go to any more competitions.

*inviteseller

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I think you did the right thing.  I have had to use my Mom Voice on other people's kids at school events.  If I see a kid running wild and no parent in the vicinity, I will tell them to stop.  And I have brought egregious behavior to a teacher's attention when there is no parent around.  And I have no problem with another parent doing that if one of my kids acts like a fool and I am not there to put a stop to it.  If another parent would tell me to MYOB, I would just raise an eyebrow and walk away. 

jayhawk

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he!! to the yeah you did the right thing.

Hmmmmm

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I think you did the right thing.  I'm not sure what the "keeping it internal mom" was thinking. You didn't go to the outsider mom and ask her to go complain. I think she's just a little nuts.

And I think I'm much more of a "it takes a village" mentality then I like to admit to even myself. As an adult attending as a group, I feel a certain amount of responsibility for the well being and behavior of all kids within my group.  The first time I saw Clint misbehaving, I'd have been marching his behind around the venue until we found his mother and informed her of his shennanigans.

Lynn2000

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How ridiculous.  You saw Clint doing something potentially damaging and called him on it.  Another adult did the same and discussed it with you by happenstance.  You asked him to please relay the message to the coach - who is certainly in a position of authority to tell Clint and his mom to pull it together.  And Other Mom gets in a snit about who told what when to whom under what circumstances?  Give me a break.

Yeah, I agree with this. I don't see what Other Mom's issue is, unless she overheard something incorrectly, or Stranger Mom reported it incorrectly. All you did was tell someone who had a complaint, to take that complaint to the coach. That seems like a perfectly reasonable way of handling it.

Though now I'm wondering why Stranger Mom even had to point you out--it's not like the coach was hiding his identity and demanded of her, "How did you know I was the coach?! Who told you?!" Why not just say, "Hey, you're the coach for that kid over there, right? Well he was doing XYZ bad thing earlier..."
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TootsNYC

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How ridiculous.  You saw Clint doing something potentially damaging and called him on it.  Another adult did the same and discussed it with you by happenstance.  You asked him to please relay the message to the coach - who is certainly in a position of authority to tell Clint and his mom to pull it together.  And Other Mom gets in a snit about who told what when to whom under what circumstances?  Give me a break.

Yeah, I agree with this. I don't see what Other Mom's issue is, unless she overheard something incorrectly, or Stranger Mom reported it incorrectly. All you did was tell someone who had a complaint, to take that complaint to the coach. That seems like a perfectly reasonable way of handling it.

Though now I'm wondering why Stranger Mom even had to point you out--it's not like the coach was hiding his identity and demanded of her, "How did you know I was the coach?! Who told you?!" Why not just say, "Hey, you're the coach for that kid over there, right? Well he was doing XYZ bad thing earlier..."

She probably didn't know who his coach was. The kid wasn't staying in one place, remember?

And the only reason she approached our OP is that the OP linked herself to the boy by admonishing him. The other lady assumed the OP was his mom; she was wrong in that, but she was *not* wrong in thinking that the OP had some sort of link to the boy.

Lynn2000

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Yeah, I agree with this. I don't see what Other Mom's issue is, unless she overheard something incorrectly, or Stranger Mom reported it incorrectly. All you did was tell someone who had a complaint, to take that complaint to the coach. That seems like a perfectly reasonable way of handling it.

Though now I'm wondering why Stranger Mom even had to point you out--it's not like the coach was hiding his identity and demanded of her, "How did you know I was the coach?! Who told you?!" Why not just say, "Hey, you're the coach for that kid over there, right? Well he was doing XYZ bad thing earlier..."

She probably didn't know who his coach was. The kid wasn't staying in one place, remember?

And the only reason she approached our OP is that the OP linked herself to the boy by admonishing him. The other lady assumed the OP was his mom; she was wrong in that, but she was *not* wrong in thinking that the OP had some sort of link to the boy.

Oh, right, I understand why Stranger Mom approached the OP. But when the OP referred her to the coach, I'm trying to imagine a conversation that really necessitated pointing out the OP. If I had noticed a misbehaving child and was going around trying to find their responsible adult, I would probably say, "Excuse me, are you the coach of that boy over there? Well, he was doing XYZ bad thing. I thought you ought to know."

Well, here's one, assuming the kid had run off by that point. "Excuse me, I noticed a child doing XYZ bad thing. He's run off now, but that person over there [points to OP] indicated he was one of your charges. She can tell you his name." That makes me feel better. :) Not trying to be nitpicky, I just wasn't understanding why Stranger Mom felt the need to involve the OP in her conversation with the coach. But it makes sense she might have to if she didn't know the child's name AND he wasn't there to point to any longer.

I was just thinking that maybe Stranger Mom said something that made the OP seem more like a busybody (unfairly), hence Other Mom's otherwise nonsensical comment. I like to try and force these things to make sense, but obviously, some people (like Other Mom) defy sense...
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TootsNYC

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Ah, I get you! Sorry! And I agree.

I suppose the Stranger Mom might have said, "That mom over there said you're the coach of this Troublesome Kid. Is that right?"

Sort of a "she introduced us" introduction.