General Etiquette > Holidays

Easter expectation

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On New Year's Day in 2000 my brother had a house warming party.  He was so excited to be a first time home owner.  It is a beautiful home with a large backyard.  Part of the backyard has these slopes to it.  When he and SIL were giving us a tour he said "Wouldn't this be a great place to have Easter?  All the great hiding places for an egg hunt."  I agreed and so did my siblings.  So every year since then he has hosted Easter.

Our kids are now teenagers but my sister has young ones.  I had not heard anything about time or what to bring for this year, so I sent him an email.  He and SIL have a joint email.  I titled it "Easter" and asked what I could bring this year?  I sent it on Sunday and last night he replied "We are doing something else this year"  and signed their names.  I wrote back and said ok and have a nice time.

Now he sent me a text saying his wife is upset.  I put them on the spot.  They should not feel pressured to host and that I know full well our kids are older and don't hunt for eggs anymore so why would I assume!!

But after 12 years of doing the same thing, was I wrong to assume?  Do I need to apologize?

They should have been a bit more timely in telling the rest of the family that they wanted to do something different.  So, because they were tardy in that, you did put them on the spot.  However, you also didn't protest the change of plans at all, and said OK.  So, imo, it's all on them, and they can chill out and get over themselves.  Easter isn't so very far away, they can't have expected you to intuit that plans had changed, so they should have either expected some contact from you, or taken it upon themselves to let you know of the change. 

Yeah, they probably could have at least let y'all know. But maybe you should have asked "are y'all hosting Easter again this year?" instead of just assuming.

My sister hosts Thanksgiving every year and I always host Passover. One year they decided to go out of town to visit her husband's family for TG instead. Serendipitously, we'd also made plans to go out of town to visit friends. In any case, she just let me know they weren't hosting that year. Since then, she either notifies me that they are hosting or, if the time comes around where I haven't heard yet, I ask her.

It's always a question though, not an assumption. You two are siblings, it doesn't have to be formal. It's just a matter of communication in a polite manner.

I would write back pretty much what you wrote in your OP. 

I didn't mean to put you on the spot, we have been doing it for 12 years and wasn't aware this year would be any different.  It's truly not even an issue and enjoy your Easter. Love, Heartmug

I think you made a mistake in assuming.  When you did not receive an invitation for what is normally done at their house, I think you would have been okay to ask if they still wanted to host or if they were bowing out this year.  But just emailing and asking what you should bring was essentially inviting yourself over to their home and did put them in an awkward position.  I think you were wrong to assume and I would apologize, albeit briefly because I don't think it is that big of a deal. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot.  I didn't realize that you had different plans this year than we had done in the past."


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