Easter expectation

[TootsNYC]

If you've been hosting the same event at the same time for over 10 years, it is not surprising that other people would start to consider it a tradition. And if you are cancelling a tradition, you should let everyone know.

When, exactly, were they going to tell people they weren't hosting the family Easter celebration this year? Either they had to get the word out, or other people would start to contact them, asking for the time, what to bring, etc. And what if people waited until a few days before Easter to contact them? Then there'd be a couple of families scrambling around trying to figure out what to do for Easter.

Yes, the OP could have worded her message a little bit differently. But I'm not sure that would have changed the reaction of the brother and SIL. I really do feel that they either had an obligation to let the rest of the family know of the change in plans, or they have to accept that the rest of the family would assume Easter would be at their house again. I don't think they are rude for not wanting to host the whole gang, but I do think they were slightly rude in how they handled things.

I agree.

If you establish a tradition, then you also assume a responsibility to alert the people affected when that tradition changes.

and we didn't hear about when to show up for Easter until 2 weeks before.

[Bluenomi]

Why do I suspect brother was tasked with telling his family they weren't hosting by his wife but forgot? So SIL is assmuming OP knew they weren't hosting and still asked them about it so SIL might think OP is being PA about it and that's what ticked her off. I've seen that happen before.

[heartmug]

I would write back pretty much what you wrote in your OP. 


I didn't mean to put you on the spot, we have been doing it for 12 years and wasn't aware this year would be any different.  It's truly not even an issue and enjoy your Easter. Love, Heartmug

That is good.  Thank you.  I will reply to his text.

I wrote that and added a thank you for all the past fun years.

Today I received a card, in SIL's hand writing, with happy easter, so glad we are family and have all those memories of fun Easter Sundays together.  Then she signed it with her, brother's and their kids' names.

We have never sent each other Easter cards.  I am not going to run out and get them one.  I will just let it drop.  I am guessing that means they never want to host again, but I won't ask.  I sure have learned my lesson:  never assume!

[CakeEater]

I would write back pretty much what you wrote in your OP. 


I didn't mean to put you on the spot, we have been doing it for 12 years and wasn't aware this year would be any different.  It's truly not even an issue and enjoy your Easter. Love, Heartmug

That is good.  Thank you.  I will reply to his text.

I wrote that and added a thank you for all the past fun years.

Today I received a card, in SIL's hand writing, with happy easter, so glad we are family and have all those memories of fun Easter Sundays together.  Then she signed it with her, brother's and their kids' names.

We have never sent each other Easter cards.  I am not going to run out and get them one.  I will just let it drop.  I am guessing that means they never want to host again, but I won't ask.  I sure have learned my lesson:  never assume!

Seems like this is the apology/acceptance of your apology. I'd let it drop as well.

[weeblewobble]

If I have learned anything, it's that you can't assume anything with holidays and family.  DH has an aunt who has brought the same thing to every single Thanksgiving and Christmas meal for the last ten years - yummy yeast rolls that she buys from a coworker, whose church makes the rolls en masse as a fundraiser. I hosted Christmas for the first time ever a few years ago* and I don't think aunt was very happy about it.

When I called her to officially issue the invite and talk about what everybody was bringing, I said, "I'm going to assume that you're bringing the yeast rolls as usual?"

Aunt huffed and said, "NO, why would I bring yeast rolls?"

I said, "OK, then, bring whatever side that makes you comfortable." and hung up.

*I haven't hosted a holiday since, not because it went badly, but because the following year we gave DH's sister the cut direct.  We didn't want her in our home, but we didn't want to make it impossible for her to attend holidays.  That seemed cruel.  (We would schedule our arrival around her leaving.)

[doodlemor]

Why do I suspect brother was tasked with telling his family they weren't hosting by his wife but forgot? So SIL is assmuming OP knew they weren't hosting and still asked them about it so SIL might think OP is being PA about it and that's what ticked her off. I've seen that happen before.

Sounds logical to me, too.