Etiquette School is in session! > "I'm afraid that won't be possible."

do you think she's being a bridezilla?

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Jenny13:
My Dh and I have a great friend.  DH grew up with him and they have always been close. I've known dh's friend for 15 years.  He started dating "Annie" about 5 years ago and although she appeared nice it didn't take long for her true colors to appear.  For the past 5 years she has made subtle comments that are rude in nature...comments such as stating that I'm a ditz and also putting down my artwork.  I'm not sure if she is trying to be funny or just rude.  It turns out that I do not find her to be a very nice person so imagine my surprise when she asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.  I have always been cordial to her for my dh's and our friends sake so I said yes, and thanked her for thinking of me.  I immediatly told her that anything I could do to help with the planning process would be my pleasure, she said thanks and time went on.  Everything was alright for a while. She picked a dress and then emailed me the style so I could go try it on.  She lives 4 hours away so meeting her to go try on dresses was near impossible between work and handling my household.  She emailed me the dress and style and gave me a week to go try the dress on. The dress shop she chose was 2 hours away.  I told her it would have to be the following week.  The following week I went with DH during a snowstorm to try the dress on.  As requested, I took a picture of me in it and sent it to her.  She then said "make sure it fits and is comfortable" I stated "Well it isn't the correct size as they did not have my size and the dress that I order will be taken in in a few areas as I planned on losing some left over baby weight prior to the wedding".  She sent this back to me (mind you it was November) "I really don't have time to deal with dress issues, if you plan on losing weight then you need to do it sooner than later so we don't run into last minute issues".  I was really upset by this...who was she to tell me I cannot lose weight and if I do then I need to do it NOW!?!? I simply texted her back saying all was good and I would have my dress taylored, no big deal. 
Fast foward a few weeks, she decides after I drove the 2 hours to try the dress on that she will not be going with that one afterall and I will need to special order my dress.  She sends me the link with the dress and say's it takes 2 weeks to arrive after ordered.  She has sent me weekly texts demanding when I will get my dress.  The wedding is June 1st.  So far I have done everything she asked, if I'm a little late ordering my dress due to some money issues it isn't a huge deal...! I told her that my dress would be ordered this month (I planned on the 25th when I get paid). She sent me a text last night "You and your DH are the only ones who have not gotten your tux and dress yet, please do so by Friday!! I do not like last minutes things!!" I was angry, I mean very angry! Am I wrong to feel this way? I mean I know it's her wedding, I planned one myself and it was very stressful but isn't it the little things she should worry about rather then try to micromanage everyone 2 and a half months from the wedding. This has been going on non stop since November.  At this point I know it's too late to back out of the wedding, but I'm really upset with her.  She also originally gave my dh the deadline to get fitted for his tux by April 30th, why is she telling him he has to have it done by this Friday...it's a control issue.

Kaypeep:
I think she's being unreasonable and too bossy.    Can you call DH's friend and speak to him about this?  Maybe he can tell her to back off and stop treating you like a child, and sending such demanding messages.  Can he reassure her that you and DH have things under control and she needs to back off a bit?  Another option, I'd just start sending brief replies like "got it/will do/understood/okeydoke" that are non committal but acknowledge you got her message.  Then do what you need to do-on your own schedule, not hers- and keep her posted when it's done.  Don't be at her beck and call, let her realize  you have it under control.  Let her get herself in a lather, but don't put yourself or DH in one.

Jenny13:
Thank you! I tried sending her simple replies..she seems to WANT answers right away.  I never agreed to be bullied like this.  I think sometimes brides do not see how much money people that stand up for them are shelling out...it's not just about finances it's more about her micromanaging issues and acting as though grown adults cannot follow through. Ugh...I'm glad I'm not the only one that sees this as an issue.

TurtleDove:

--- Quote from: Jenny13 on March 12, 2013, 01:38:13 PM ---She then said "make sure it fits and is comfortable" I stated "Well it isn't the correct size as they did not have my size and the dress that I order will be taken in in a few areas as I planned on losing some left over baby weight prior to the wedding".  She sent this back to me (mind you it was November) "I really don't have time to deal with dress issues, if you plan on losing weight then you need to do it sooner than later so we don't run into last minute issues".  I was really upset by this...who was she to tell me I cannot lose weight and if I do then I need to do it NOW!?!? I simply texted her back saying all was good and I would have my dress taylored, no big deal. 

--- End quote ---

I agree this person is in the wrong, but I think you should not mention that you intend to lose weight if you do not want people to comment on it.  I think if you had stuck to your final comment that you would have the dress tailored you could have avoided the hard feelings.  Again, I think the bride is wrong, but I understand where she is coming from being concerned that a dress ordered based on a plan that might not come to fruition could result in a last minute "my dress doesn't fit" fiasco. I would do my best to not take what she says or does personally.  You didn't like her before, you are not likely to grow to like her now, she will presumably always be a part of your life if the friend is a part of your life and married to her, so just accept that she's rude and do what you can to not allow her personality flaws to negatively affect you.

Jenny13:
Dh's friend texted dh earlier to ask if they can talk later....DH said of course. I told dh he needs to stand up for me.  I'll be in her wedding but she needs to calm down and stop being so bossy.

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