Author Topic: How to say, "I refuse to work with her" politely.  (Read 8438 times)

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snowdragon

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How to say, "I refuse to work with her" politely.
« on: March 12, 2013, 03:09:21 PM »
I have a class that is project intensive. We have been in classes 5 weeks and have done 4 projects already.  We then have to present these projects to the class  (5 minute presentations per person/group) - one girl with out fail "asks" for a copy of everyone's work each week,,even if it's only a presentation on a chapter of the book.  A lot of work goes into these things, we use a lot of our own creative projects, ( digital photos, hand drawn patterns, stories written for the project, ect ) and spend a lot of time working with the software ( Photoshop, AutoCad, ARCGis, ect) to put these things together. I resent being expected to hand over that level of work to a gimme- pig, so she can "use it with her class".
  Today we are reviewing each other's proposals for out final projects. I have already logged over 100 hours putting this together, I simple am not willing to give that work over to Ms Gimme, and want to refuse to work with her.  I could just look at her and say " I won't work with you because everything you see, you consider yours." but that seems rude ( if true), does anyone else have a better way to word it?

  Thanks   

deadbody

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Re: How to say, "I refuse to work with her" politely.
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2013, 03:13:21 PM »
I wouldn't phrase it that way, I'd just say no.

Ignore the follow-up begging and pleading and trying to make you feel bad.

MrTango

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Re: How to say, "I refuse to work with her" politely.
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2013, 03:17:22 PM »
My advice would be to find someone else to partner with.  The earlier you do this, the better, especially if you can get the arrangement made before class starts.  That way, if/when she approaches you, you can honestly say that you already found someone to work with.

If that fails, go with dadbody's response.  You can say no, and you are under no obligation to give a reason.

TootsNYC

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Re: How to say, "I refuse to work with her" politely.
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2013, 03:31:58 PM »
I'm not clear on this.
Here's what I think is going on--will you correct me?


Normally, everyone does their own project.

Then, this woman (who just sat through listening to everyone's individual projects) asks each of you to give her printouts, copies, etc., so that she can use them elsewhere, outside of this particular classroom? ("with my class"--is she a teacher or something?)

You don't want to do that, and you think she's rude to ask for this from everybody.
(I can't tell if you've ever actually given her these copies, but you don't like the idea at any rate.)


Now, *you and she* are assigned to critique one another's projects (hence the "working with you" phrase); you'll be forced by this arrangement to hand her a copy of what you've created. You won't be able to avoid it.

And you want to find a way to avoid it?

If you haven't yet been assigned someone to partner with, find someone else.

If you have been assigned to partner with her, then ask her for the copy of your stuff back as soon as she's done critiquing you. Just put out your hand and say, "thanks for the input, that's very valuable. Can I have my project back now?"

Cat-Fu

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Re: How to say, "I refuse to work with her" politely.
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2013, 03:34:21 PM »
I'm confused; by "use it with her class" is she talking about being a teacher in the future? Is this the same woman in the special snowflakes thread/the mom who wanted everyone to help her with schoolwork?
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JenJay

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Re: How to say, "I refuse to work with her" politely.
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2013, 03:54:11 PM »
I took it to mean the other lady takes the same class but at a different time. Wouldn't the instructor recognize the work as having already been submitted by another student? I don't understand how she can get a decent grade on somebody else's work?

OP, if working with her is optional I'd say "I'm not comfortable sharing my work." or "I'm almost finished with the project so I'm not interested in partnering up." If someone is making you work with her I'd divide up the tasks, work only on mine, present together and quickly snag my items back when we were finished.

audrey1962

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Re: How to say, "I refuse to work with her" politely.
« Reply #6 on: March 12, 2013, 03:59:45 PM »
I'm confused, too. When I was in graduate school, we always provided copies of our presentation materials (slides, research papers, etc) or at the very least a link so the material can be downloaded. As long as classmates properly cited the research, it didn't really matter.

rose red

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Re: How to say, "I refuse to work with her" politely.
« Reply #7 on: March 12, 2013, 04:01:35 PM »
I'm confused too.  Did the teacher pair the two of you together?  Or is she just going around on her own asking for people's notes? 

snowdragon

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Re: How to say, "I refuse to work with her" politely.
« Reply #8 on: March 12, 2013, 04:04:44 PM »
I'm not clear on this.
Here's what I think is going on--will you correct me?


Normally, everyone does their own project.
Either our own or groups of two

Then, this woman (who just sat through listening to everyone's individual projects) asks each of you to give her printouts, copies, etc., so that she can use them elsewhere, outside of this particular classroom? ("with my class"--is she a teacher or something?)  She is a teacher, so she wants copies of what we hand in

You don't want to do that, and you think she's rude to ask for this from everybody.
(I can't tell if you've ever actually given her these copies, but you don't like the idea at any rate.)

She expects that either each student , or the professor, copy the project on to a cd and hand it to her.  I have not given into her, but the teacher will not tell us if she gives outrwork to this girl


Now, *you and she* are assigned to critique one another's projects (hence the "working with you" phrase); you'll be forced by this arrangement to hand her a copy of what you've created. You won't be able to avoid it.

He last partner has decided to drop the course, originally partners were by assignment by since several folks have now dropped we are being assigned by the professor.   I have taken several classes with this professor, she does it one of three ways,  by who you are seated next to,  Skipping the person next to you and taking the next one, or if there are three in a group,  she counts 'One two three, you're a group" because the class is not so small there is no way to guarantee that I won't be working with her, except to out right refuse.

And you want to find a way to avoid it? Yes.

If you haven't yet been assigned someone to partner with, find someone else.  We get no choices in who we are assigned to work with, unfortunately. I don't even want her seeing my work, as she has a habit of going to the teacher for copies, and the teacher thinks this is "helping" her.  But does not see how its demoralizing to others. .   

If you have been assigned to partner with her, then ask her for the copy of your stuff back as soon as she's done critiquing you. Just put out your hand and say, "thanks for the input, that's very valuable. Can I have my project back now?".  We have not been assigned yet, I am trying to find a way to refuse the assignment.

 

snowdragon

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Re: How to say, "I refuse to work with her" politely.
« Reply #9 on: March 12, 2013, 04:11:31 PM »
I'm confused, too. When I was in graduate school, we always provided copies of our presentation materials (slides, research papers, etc) or at the very least a link so the material can be downloaded. As long as classmates properly cited the research, it didn't really matter.

  And I have never had to before this class. It's not something I am comfortable with. I've had three other folks mention it to me as being "odd" so it may just be the culture of your college was different.  But, We have to submit them electronically at the end of the semester,during the time scheduled for our exam, so she's asking for them before we even turn them in properly. And she is asking for complete projects.   

I'm confused; by "use it with her class" is she talking about being a teacher in the future? Is this the same woman in the special snowflakes thread/the mom who wanted everyone to help her with schoolwork?

  Not the same woman, different class. She's already a teacher, but wants everyone's work as a resource, so she would get 14 people's work and the lesson plan's to go with it.

snowdragon

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Re: How to say, "I refuse to work with her" politely.
« Reply #10 on: March 12, 2013, 04:14:27 PM »
I'm confused too.  Did the teacher pair the two of you together?  Or is she just going around on her own asking for people's notes?


She will either announce in class " I want a copy of that."  and/or approach the teacher after class. Last week she argued with the teacher that "I am paying for this class to get materials for my classes." none of us who heard it were impressed. One person told her "I am paying for the class too, and I am not doing that to provide someone else with my work." and then he turned around and left.

Lorelei_Evil

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Re: How to say, "I refuse to work with her" politely.
« Reply #11 on: March 12, 2013, 04:23:02 PM »
I like your classmate's response.  It's direct and concise.  I'd put it just that way to the professor.

TootsNYC

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Re: How to say, "I refuse to work with her" politely.
« Reply #12 on: March 12, 2013, 04:35:03 PM »
I'm confused too.  Did the teacher pair the two of you together?  Or is she just going around on her own asking for people's notes?


She will either announce in class " I want a copy of that."  and/or approach the teacher after class. Last week she argued with the teacher that "I am paying for this class to get materials for my classes." none of us who heard it were impressed. One person told her "I am paying for the class too, and I am not doing that to provide someone else with my work." and then he turned around and left.

I would say the same thing.

And in private, I might go and make this point to your professor:

Quote
she has a habit of going to the teacher for copies, and the teacher thinks this is "helping" her.  But does not see how its demoralizing to others. .   

Specifically say, "it is demoralizing to me."

Amara

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Re: How to say, "I refuse to work with her" politely.
« Reply #13 on: March 12, 2013, 04:41:07 PM »
If I were in your situation I would go to the professor's dean about this. This is unacceptable behavior by both her and the professor.

jedikaiti

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Re: How to say, "I refuse to work with her" politely.
« Reply #14 on: March 12, 2013, 04:48:43 PM »
If she again expresses a request for copies of your work to use in her teaching, I think it's totally fair to offer to bring her a CD of the project(s) at the end of the semester (after turn in) in exchange for a modest fee. Like $500/hour for every hour you spent on each project. I mean, if she's just in the class to get lesson plans, she might as well compensate you for them!
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