My DH and I socialize with a couple (Sam and Amber) fairly often, sometimes once a week sometimes a couple times a month but definitely more frequently than anyone else we hang out with. The four of us have a very good time together and several other friends in common whom we all socialize with as a group. The problem is Amber just asked me to be a bridesmaid in their upcoming wedding and I really really donít want to. For many reasons but mainly because I donít really like her all that much. DH and Sam are great friends and like I said the four of us get along great but Amber on her own drives me up the wall with her needy and attention-seeking, childish behavior. I can handle it in a group setting, and to be fair she is tons of fun at parties, but once I realized what a drama fiend she is I quietly made it a point to refrain from socializing with her individually. Until last night. She just had a major falling out with two of her best friends/bridesmaids and really needed to vent and asked me to meet her for a drink and some advice.
There's tons of back story and really it doesnít matter what the fight was about and in my opinion there were overreactions and drama from every side, but both girls dropped out of the wedding . I am also good friends with Fran, one of the "fallen bridesmaids", and this is so not the first time these two have fought like middle schoolers. They tend to both vent to me about it, knowing I refuse to take sides or say anything beyond "you're both being stubborn. She's been like this for 15 years, it's not going to change. Either end the friendship or be the bigger person and apologize." That is my oft-repeated Toots Special if you will and all I ever say to both of them because its always true. I actually like Fran quite a bit, hang out with her individually and usually think she's in the right (though I keep it to myself!) but she and Amber are both stubborn as anything and bring out the worst in each other.
Sooo the end result of all this ridiculousness is last night I broke my self imposed rule and met up with Amber to give her a shoulder to cry on. She tells me she loves me, I am one of her closest friends and would I please fill in for one of the now open spots. I'm sure I had that deer in the headlights look but at least was able to think quickly and say I needed to get back to her as I am the MOH in another wedding the month prior. I am a major people pleaser and terrible at giving rejection so I'm worried I'm going to feel bad for her and just say yes. I donít want to make things awkward for DH as Sam is one of his only friends in this area (we moved here a few years ago and met everyone around the same time) and also a truly great guy. It would feel weird for me to be in the wedding but not DH when he actually the closest link to the couple.
So that ended up being way longer than I anticipated, cookies if you made it this far. I donít hate Amber but think of her more as an acquaintance I happen to see a lot rather than a friend, how can I tactfully decline being her back-up bridesmaid?