Is Blood really thicker than water?

[Minmom3]

With regard to Oceanus's original post, maybe this was the cousin's way of saying "I've changed my mind about that." She used to defend her relatives when she wouldn't defend someone else who did/said the same things, but as the OP says, that was a long time ago.

My own feeling is that relatives start with a bit of an advantage as far as affection and loyalty, but it's only a foundation: if people don't build on that, they aren't going to be close later, and they aren't going to be able to depend on each other that way. I know not everyone feels the way I do: that's probably true on every subject, though.

I think that was VERY well said!

[Miss Tickle]

Water density 1.0 mg/mL at standard STP.

Blood density 1.06 mg/mL at standard STP.

The saying is confirmed as accurate.

That isn't even counting in the clotting factor!

Up to the freezing point, then water becomes thicker.

[afbluebelle]

Science!

[StarFaerie]

Maybe people should think about not talking badly about her mother in front of her since it is obvious it upsets her.

Fact is just because you think a person is horrible and you shouldn't have to stand by them doesn't mean that other family members have to comply to your choice.  Lots of people point out my nephew's negative traits and I have made it known that they can think all they want about him but they better not comment in front of me because I will always stand beside him.  Now these are typically just personality traits other people don't like.  He has never hurt anyone or broken any major laws (though he seems to collect speeding tickets for fun.)  But when people point out that he can be lazy I remind them that I love him and they need to talk about something else while I'm there.

Agreed. I'm not blind to my mother's faults, but I'm certainly not going to let her be criticized by anyone and I'm surprised anyone would think that would be okay.

Feel free to criticise my mother. I can get you started and then take up the litany when you run out of steam.

Not everyone has a mother/father/brother or other relation that they feel should be defended. Some relations are just nasty toxic people and the more people who realise that, the less people who can be hurt by them. Blood is only so thick after all, it's not pitch.

[oceanus]

My maternal grandmother (deceased) was one of those who went to Egypt, drowned in that river, and choose to stay sunken at the bottom when it came to one of my uncles/her son.  Toxic, abusive, sociopath does not even begin to describe him.  As a kid I recall him physically abusing two of his four wives several times right in front of grandma’s face.  Yet, when a couple of men restrained him, grandma cried and pleaded “don’t hurt him!”      (This was back in the day before domestic violence laws).

I almost wish one of those women had taken a cue from Farrah Fawcett (“The Burning Bed”).  But that uncle died relatively young – and alone.

[Miss Tickle]

Maybe people should think about not talking badly about her mother in front of her since it is obvious it upsets her.

Fact is just because you think a person is horrible and you shouldn't have to stand by them doesn't mean that other family members have to comply to your choice.  Lots of people point out my nephew's negative traits and I have made it known that they can think all they want about him but they better not comment in front of me because I will always stand beside him.  Now these are typically just personality traits other people don't like.  He has never hurt anyone or broken any major laws (though he seems to collect speeding tickets for fun.)  But when people point out that he can be lazy I remind them that I love him and they need to talk about something else while I'm there.

Agreed. I'm not blind to my mother's faults, but I'm certainly not going to let her be criticized by anyone and I'm surprised anyone would think that would be okay.

Feel free to criticise my mother. I can get you started and then take up the litany when you run out of steam.

Not everyone has a mother/father/brother or other relation that they feel should be defended. Some relations are just nasty toxic people and the more people who realise that, the less people who can be hurt by them. Blood is only so thick after all, it's not pitch.

I know it sounds terrible, but it's so true, yeah? Everyone thinks of Mother as the mother they had, so it's hard for them to relate.  It's even harder if they themselves are parents, because of the assumption you are judging because of your experience.

My DH said, "Blood may be thicker than water, but gold is thick than both."  I don't know if he stole that but I don't care.

[Coruscation]

Maybe people should think about not talking badly about her mother in front of her since it is obvious it upsets her.

Fact is just because you think a person is horrible and you shouldn't have to stand by them doesn't mean that other family members have to comply to your choice.  Lots of people point out my nephew's negative traits and I have made it known that they can think all they want about him but they better not comment in front of me because I will always stand beside him.  Now these are typically just personality traits other people don't like.  He has never hurt anyone or broken any major laws (though he seems to collect speeding tickets for fun.)  But when people point out that he can be lazy I remind them that I love him and they need to talk about something else while I'm there.

Agreed. I'm not blind to my mother's faults, but I'm certainly not going to let her be criticized by anyone and I'm surprised anyone would think that would be okay.

This is point of view I have never understood. Someone doesn't have to be perfect before I like them. I know I have faults and I admit to them. If your nephew is lazy, he's lazy, saying he's not doesn't make it any less true.

I like both my mothers two sisters but one of them is late everywhere. She has been known to turn up two hours late for a trip to see her brother then want to shop before she leaves. A typical conversation about her would be "Well, we want to leave by lunch, so we'll tell her it's ten o'clock. We'll get to the mall (meeting place) at ten and buy X, Y and Z while we wait for her." This avoids her assuming  that we've added time to the meeting time and turning up later.

On one occasion her daughter got annoyed by us talking about how she was late everywhere so we put her on the 'People who can't deal with reality list." My aunt is funny, nice, intelligent and loyal but she is late everywhere. Saying otherwise is just a flat out lie.

[Hillia]

DH's extended family makes me a little nuts with the hyposcrisy of this.  The dysfunction is incredible; none of them can stand each other, and any gathering will include copious amounts of nasty gossip about any who aren't there.  Get persons A, B, and C together, and they'll talk about D.  Get A and D together, and they'll talk about B and C,and so forth.  They treat each other like crap and hold grudges forever.  Yet they will all piously hold forth about the sacred bonds of FAAAAMMMMMIIIIILLLLLY - ugh. 

I was roundly chastised for speaking sharply to DH's idiot cousin, age 26, who announced that 'all military guys are ***holes'.  Well, some are; any population is going to have some members who are jerks.  But it's ridiculous to make that kind of all inclusive statement, and I'll be doggoned if I'll let your slacker butt slander my brother, who is fighting PTSD after 26 years active duty including tours in Somalia, Afghanistan, Kuwait, and Iraq, not to mention his friends and companions who didn't make it back.  But no; we're faaaaammmiilllly and family forgives each other.

[GSNW]

My own feeling is that relatives start with a bit of an advantage as far as affection and loyalty, but it's only a foundation: if people don't build on that, they aren't going to be close later, and they aren't going to be able to depend on each other that way. I know not everyone feels the way I do: that's probably true on every subject, though.

This was a great way to put my feelings.  Thank you.

I also agree - word for word.  My mother still tries to steer me towards socializing with an aunt who only shows up to family funerals and has done and said a lot of very mean and nasty things to me and others.  Whenever I say I don't want anything to do with her, I get the, "But she's faamily!"  I feel sorry for anyone who feels obligated to subject themselves to toxic behavior and abuse because they share DNA.

[violinp]

Maybe people should think about not talking badly about her mother in front of her since it is obvious it upsets her.

Fact is just because you think a person is horrible and you shouldn't have to stand by them doesn't mean that other family members have to comply to your choice.  Lots of people point out my nephew's negative traits and I have made it known that they can think all they want about him but they better not comment in front of me because I will always stand beside him.  Now these are typically just personality traits other people don't like.  He has never hurt anyone or broken any major laws (though he seems to collect speeding tickets for fun.)  But when people point out that he can be lazy I remind them that I love him and they need to talk about something else while I'm there.

Agreed. I'm not blind to my mother's faults, but I'm certainly not going to let her be criticized by anyone and I'm surprised anyone would think that would be okay.

Feel free to criticise my mother. I can get you started and then take up the litany when you run out of steam.

Not everyone has a mother/father/brother or other relation that they feel should be defended. Some relations are just nasty toxic people and the more people who realise that, the less people who can be hurt by them. Blood is only so thick after all, it's not pitch.

Exactly. My grandmother beat my dad at least once a week, committed acts of violence on him that make me too sick to think about, played mind - games on him about Christmas presents, and kicked him out of the house because he refused to get a prom date, since he was still recovering from his girlfriend killing herself in front of him. In addition, she was a mean, bitter person who refused to speak to a sister because Sister and her husband dared to buy a house of their own, because she wanted to be the only one who made something of herself. Yeah, I'm not fond of her, and Dad would have played "Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead" as she was lowered into the coffin if it wouldn't have been disrespectful to other people.

There's a major difference between annoying character traits (such as laziness) and deep personality flaws that make you a horrible and toxic person to be around. I will always criticize the latter.

[Piratelvr1121]

Maybe people should think about not talking badly about her mother in front of her since it is obvious it upsets her.

Fact is just because you think a person is horrible and you shouldn't have to stand by them doesn't mean that other family members have to comply to your choice.  Lots of people point out my nephew's negative traits and I have made it known that they can think all they want about him but they better not comment in front of me because I will always stand beside him.  Now these are typically just personality traits other people don't like.  He has never hurt anyone or broken any major laws (though he seems to collect speeding tickets for fun.)  But when people point out that he can be lazy I remind them that I love him and they need to talk about something else while I'm there.

Agreed. I'm not blind to my mother's faults, but I'm certainly not going to let her be criticized by anyone and I'm surprised anyone would think that would be okay.

Feel free to criticise my mother. I can get you started and then take up the litany when you run out of steam.

Not everyone has a mother/father/brother or other relation that they feel should be defended. Some relations are just nasty toxic people and the more people who realise that, the less people who can be hurt by them. Blood is only so thick after all, it's not pitch.

That made me laugh! I'm the same way and I agree.  My dad's side of the family and one of my mother's sisters talk like the sun shines out of my mother's every orifice.  Okay that's hyperbole but you get the idea. Not a single negative word is said and they just don't see her as I have.   It meant the world to me when my mother's youngest sister sent me a message on fbook saying she understood where I was coming from and also had issues with my parents in the last year.   So it's nice when you know you're not the only one that sees the dysfunction.   I think my brother does too, though we don't talk about our parents much when we're together, preferring to discuss more pleasant topics.

Last time he said anything negative about either of them was when he told me he decided to pursue an engineering degree after much debate because he didn't want to be like our dad but then decided it would be unfortunate to not do something he was really interested in just because our father did it.

[Miss Misery]

Is Blood really thicker than water?

No.

My older sister wouldn't grow up and get a clue and had de-evolved into a soul-sucking drama queen leech with no shame. I honestly believe she's a sociopath. Anyway, I haven't talked to her since January. She got kicked out of my parents' house in February. Nobody has heard from her since and that's fine with us. Bed. Made. Lie.

[Jones]

I have 9 adopted siblings. We have no blood between each other whatsoever, but for the most part we all get along.

All but the brother who served time for sex abuse, was released, and because a moocher/thief of the highest degree...he's now serving time for burglary, theft, drugs and witness tampering. It still amazes me that he both abused and threatened my sister and most of the family is still speaking to him...that's their right, and has nothing to do with blood, so I have no explanation.

[*inviteseller]

I love my family deeply, but there are members who have pulled stunts that are unacceptable (not just to me, but society as well).  I give everyone a second chance but when you continue to make mistakes or just be a general rear end, I don't care what DNA we share, I will not condone your lifestyle and will distance myself.  Right now, my brother, who is a mess himself is angry at me that I am not jumping for joy that his ex convict lazy son is having a baby with a women who left her husband for him.  Nonono...I already wasn't speaking to him due to some extreme drama he had caused over the summer, but a baby is not softening my heart just because it is family.  I have watched friends suffer over guilt because they want to be away from toxic members, but can't because they were always taught it's all about faaammmmilyyyyyyy. 

[RubyCat]

I totally agree with family starting out with an advantage. I strongly believe in family sticking together and helping each other out but have learned that family loyalty is a two way street and has its limits.

I put up with all kind of disrespect and felt that I "deserved" it due to some bad choices I made as teen/young adult.  Fast forward 20 years when it dawned on me that If I had committed murder, I could have been out of jail by then.  And i had done nothing even close to that and certainly nothing criminal. (I got pregnant out of wedlock & married the bum). That's when I started to push back & certain members of the family didn't like it. It really hurt.

The other time I have really struggled with this was when youngest child got really out of control, even threatened me with a hammer. I tried everything I could think of, counseling, etc, but nothing worked. Attempted arson was the last straw & i pressed charges. It was one of the hardest thing I've ever done but it did lead to her getting even more help. My mother & my sister were furious with me because she's *family*. It didn't matter that I and my other children were afraid.

After a couple of years of treatment, youngest child was supposed to come home. I made it clear that when she did she would be expected to go to school & get a part time job. She made up a story about being "afraid" of me & reported me to social services. Nothing came of it except her social worker asking me about it but I felt like my heart was cut out of me. She's an adult now and living in a group home due to mental illness. She's doing really well with medication but while I've had her come stay with me for a day or two (which makes me nervous) I will never allow her to live under my roof again. Even though it breaks my heart.