Author Topic: "You look tired"  (Read 6096 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

bansidhe

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2064
    • The Menagerie
Re: "You look tired"
« Reply #15 on: March 13, 2013, 07:19:31 PM »
I really hate this because I have dark shadows around and under my eyes due to my bone structure that cannot be disguised with makeup so I forever have a "tired" look. I have people tell me I look tired ALL of the time and it's usually when I'm actually feeling quite well and energetic!

Here's a picture: http://i48.tinypic.com/34pgunt.jpg

I almost want to get plastic surgery some day.

You don't look tired. You look mysterious and exotic.  :)

I haven't regarded "You look tired" as a rude comment when it's been said to me; however - and this is a major "however" - multiple people don't say it to me all the time because of some physical trait I have. If that were the case, yes, I'd be annoyed. I get "You look pale. Are you feeling OK?" instead, to which I usually respond "I look pale today and every day, no matter how I'm feeling."

I don't see anything wrong with the way the OP handled the comment and the co-worker was incredibly rude making his followup comment. Actually, the more I think about it the ruder it seems. I would have been hard pressed not to respond with something like "Well, you look like a boor."  >:(

Esan ozenki!

Arizona

Onyx_TKD

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1340
Re: "You look tired"
« Reply #16 on: March 13, 2013, 08:14:14 PM »
I think it's the kind of comment that it's best to avoid. I'm sure it's usually said out of good intentions, as an expression of concern, but can just backfire in multiple ways and there are plenty of other ways to ask how someone is doing. If the speaker is mistaken and the person isn't tired, it can makes them self-conscious about their appearance and get annoying if it happens often. But even if the person is tired, it can backfire. Someone once commented to me on how exhausted I looked. In that case, they were actually correct that I was tired--I was swamped with finals and projects due and I had too little sleep for days. But by the time they commented, that was all finished. I'd gotten to take a nap, had just attended a very pleasant performance of a play (we were chatting afterward), and was feeling great compared to the previous few days. So the comment was just disconcerting and made me wonder if I really looked that bad.  :(

KB

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 190
Re: "You look tired"
« Reply #17 on: March 13, 2013, 08:15:50 PM »
I really hate this because I have dark shadows around and under my eyes due to my bone structure that cannot be disguised with makeup so I forever have a "tired" look. I have people tell me I look tired ALL of the time and it's usually when I'm actually feeling quite well and energetic!

Here's a picture: http://i48.tinypic.com/34pgunt.jpg

I almost want to get plastic surgery some day.

Not sure if this will be a consolation (depending on your POV) but your eyes remind me a great deal of Australian swimmer Stephanie Rice, who I think is one of the prettiest brunettes I've ever seen.

Outdoor Girl

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 13762
Re: "You look tired"
« Reply #18 on: March 13, 2013, 08:38:03 PM »
I had a coworker tell me I looked tired one day.  He was being sweet; it wasn't a dig or anything.

That night just happened to be our Christmas party.  He came with his wife and I managed to work it into the conversation that I'd gone home after work and put on some make-up because coworker told me I looked like s*** earlier.  He had this look on his face and then I laughed.  His wife laughed at him, too, and informed him that you never told a woman that she looked tired.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

Emmy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3799
Re: "You look tired"
« Reply #19 on: March 13, 2013, 09:41:38 PM »
I get that occasionally too.  It is especially deflating if I am feeling fine or better than average.  I find make-up helps me, it disguises the circles and emphasizes the more positive features. 

Somebody actually said I looked tired in a picture.  Of course this same person asked if I was 'as big as a house yet' when I was pregnant with DD so tact isn't his strong suit.

LifeOnPluto

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6551
    • Blog
Re: "You look tired"
« Reply #20 on: March 13, 2013, 10:20:57 PM »
I think it's a silly and pointless thing to say.

If the person really IS tired, they'll know full well that they probably look tired.

If the person is NOT tired, they'll feel terrible and self-conscious!

ladyknight1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7341
  • Operating the logic hammer since 1987.
Re: "You look tired"
« Reply #21 on: March 13, 2013, 10:32:33 PM »
I have nearly translucent pale skin, so the veins under my eyes on my forearms and legs show through all the time. I think it is human nature to make inane comments, but I do find it thoughtless, if not rude.

KenveeB

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8514
Re: "You look tired"
« Reply #22 on: March 13, 2013, 11:20:27 PM »
I ranted about this on FB the other day. I said, "Unless you're about to offer me caffeine or a nap, DON'T tell me I look tired!" It's one of those annoying comments that doesn't achieve anything and just makes the other person feel self-conscious. At least standing alone. It can be okay if it's something like, "You look tired, let me handle this for you"!

Quest_

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 27
Re: "You look tired"
« Reply #23 on: March 14, 2013, 02:18:35 AM »
Oh, I hate it! I will often get this comment if I've gone to work makeup-free (pale skin + naturally dark under-eye area). It doesn't just annoy me, it can also make me feel quite sad because it feels like I'm only pretty with makeup on.

perpetua

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2024
Re: "You look tired"
« Reply #24 on: March 14, 2013, 02:33:35 AM »
I had never heard of this being rude until I came to this forum. Where I live, it would almost always be interpreted as a show of concern, not an insult about how you look.


ebelie

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 346
Re: "You look tired"
« Reply #25 on: March 14, 2013, 03:55:56 AM »
I had never heard of this being rude until I came to this forum. Where I live, it would almost always be interpreted as a show of concern, not an insult about how you look.

I take it as a well meaning show of concern when people tell me I look tired, but that's only because I don't normally have dark circles under my eyes.  I appreciate friends and family noticing when I'm run down and in need of help, or at least some sympathy.

On the other hand, acquaintances are constantly commenting on my shaky hands and asking if I'm okay or if I'm nervous (I'm fine and I'm not, but thanks for making me feel self conscious).  That gets annoying, so I have sympathy for people who naturally have shadows around their eyes. 

In summary, I think it's a comment that should be saved for people that you know quite well, see regularly and you're sure that it's out of the ordinary for them to look like that.

crella

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1011
Re: "You look tired"
« Reply #26 on: March 14, 2013, 05:52:23 AM »
I too, have natural darkish circles under my eyes. I just cover them up when I go out. I burn easily and so wear sunscreen daily anyway, and I mix in a bit of foundation. People always said 'You look tired' , I got it all the time so figured I'd just avoid it.

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11008
Re: "You look tired"
« Reply #27 on: March 14, 2013, 07:28:17 AM »
Now I have said to someone "You sound tired" and have had it said to me when I was legitimately tired.  Like a PP, I don't have much of a poker face at all and pretty much wear my emotions on my sleeve.  Heck, my best friend can accurately guess my expressions over the phone by the tone of my voice.  So I'm very expressive, I guess.

About 3 years ago I worked at the Maryland Renaissance Festival and after my first day working there I called my best friend. Now when I'm really tired I have a hard time finishing sentences.  So I was chatting with my friend as I was trying to find my van and was saying things like "Well I just need to find my-my-oh there it is. Van, yeah, found the....van." So yeah, I was tired.

When I went down to Paris Island to see DH when he graduated from boot camp, after the ceremony we were walking along arm in arm and he looked at me and said "You look exhausted." And in all truth, I was. I was so excited to see him that I hadn't slept well in the previous few days. So I wasn't offended. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Emmy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3799
Re: "You look tired"
« Reply #28 on: March 14, 2013, 07:42:08 AM »
Oh, I hate it! I will often get this comment if I've gone to work makeup-free (pale skin + naturally dark under-eye area). It doesn't just annoy me, it can also make me feel quite sad because it feels like I'm only pretty with makeup on.

I have a job that I usually go make-up free, but will wear make-up for meeting and conferences.  I've had somebody actually say "you are attractive with make-up, you look like a different person".  Seriously.  Great to know that I am ugly without it.

KenveeB

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8514
Re: "You look tired"
« Reply #29 on: March 14, 2013, 08:19:48 AM »
I had never heard of this being rude until I came to this forum. Where I live, it would almost always be interpreted as a show of concern, not an insult about how you look.

I definitely know it's a statement of concern, but the person is only concerned because you look bad. I don't take it as an insult, but it's annoying when you're not tired and an extra kick when you are and are trying to work through it!