Author Topic: Children's Parties - Goody Bags for guests siblings  (Read 2490 times)

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*new*mommyagain36

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Children's Parties - Goody Bags for guests siblings
« on: March 15, 2013, 03:44:25 PM »
I would be very curious to know what Ehellions think about this practice.
In my immediate family my siblings and I all have kids.  One of my siblings, I will call X, is divorced and his children's mother has a baby by another father.  Whenever my other sibling or I have bday parties where X's children are invited we always send a goody bag with X's children to give their other sibling.  We have done this for several years, since the other sibling was born.
However I was at a party for one of my nieces recently and a parent at the party saw as my SIL gave the goody bag to one of X's kids to take to her sibling.  And said parent had a fit.  She first said it was "tacky" to send a "1/2 sibling" who was not a "real" member of our family the bag.  She then said that she was surprised that the mother hadn't been "insulted" by the goody bag when her other child was not invited to the party.  Basically saying that we were rude for sending the goody bag home but not inviting the child in the first place.  She then requested a goody bag for her own nephew who was not known to the birthday child and therefore had not been invited to the party.  My SIL and I was just floored.  We always felt it was ok to send the goody bag since the sibling at home would see her sisters coming home with the goodies.  We thought it was a fair and nice gesture and honestly never thought anyone would find any fault with this practice.  But, now I have to wonder.  Is it rude to send a goody bag to a nonrelated (to me) sibling of your nieces and nephews?  My SIL was, I think, polite.  She told the parent that "oh, we've always done it this way" and explained that she did not have any extra bags for the parent's nephew.  Which parent seemed to except but had a very irritated look on her face.  Thankfully the party was over then and everyone was leaving.  What does everyone think?  I honestly never thought anyone would see this as a negative act and now I'm a little unsure how the goody bags are perceived.  My SIL and I wonder if we should not be sending them?
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jaxsue

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Re: Children's Parties - Goody Bags for guests siblings
« Reply #1 on: March 15, 2013, 04:01:10 PM »
That woman (the one demanding the goodie bag for nephew) was tacky. I'd cross anyone from that family off my invite list.

Jones

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Re: Children's Parties - Goody Bags for guests siblings
« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2013, 04:08:02 PM »
Although I'd probably invite the half relative to the birthday, I certainly don't think your compromise is rude. Also, IMO, anyone who demands an unoffered freebie is rude.

delabela

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Re: Children's Parties - Goody Bags for guests siblings
« Reply #3 on: March 15, 2013, 04:17:20 PM »
Wow, talk about no good deed goes unpunished.  I think your family's approach is totally fine - it's very nice of you to send the bag home for the sib.  I don't know how old the kids are, but I can understand not inviting the half-sib if she's little enough that her mom would feel the need to stay at the party - that could be awkward. 

kherbert05

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Re: Children's Parties - Goody Bags for guests siblings
« Reply #4 on: March 15, 2013, 04:20:07 PM »
Sounds like your family is working on having a good relationship with your nieces' and nephews' mother and maternal siblings. That is you all's business and the other parent needs to learn to MYOB.

I was afraid you were going to say some SS parent demanded a goodie bag for his/her kids because 1 child attended your child's birthday party.
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JamFly

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Re: Children's Parties - Goody Bags for guests siblings
« Reply #5 on: March 15, 2013, 04:30:56 PM »
I do agree Bad Relative that its odd that half sibling isn't invited. Half Sibling is related to the children having the birthday parties, and gets to watch their siblings leave and come back with tales of a fun birthday party. I mean, it's nice that a goodie bag is sent home for the sibling, but you don't know if the Older Siblings raid it for the good stuff or even give it to the half sibling.

If half sibling is too young to attend or there's problems with their Mother that makes HS attending the parties something that's not going to happen, that's a whole different story of course.

rose red

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Re: Children's Parties - Goody Bags for guests siblings
« Reply #6 on: March 15, 2013, 04:43:36 PM »
I think it's a nice thing to do and you can give a goody bag to anyone you darn well please.  SIL is rude to demand a goody bag.

TurtleDove

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Re: Children's Parties - Goody Bags for guests siblings
« Reply #7 on: March 15, 2013, 04:51:01 PM »
My first thought is that goodie bags have never made any sense to me, nor have they ever included anything worth arguing over!  My next thought is that woman is extremely out of line, even if providing a goodie bag to the step-sister were wrong (and I don't think it is, though it would never occur to me to give a goodie bag but not invite the step-sister).

bonyk

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Re: Children's Parties - Goody Bags for guests siblings
« Reply #8 on: March 15, 2013, 04:53:13 PM »
My first reaction was that you should invite the half-sibling, but then I re-considered.

I think it's up to your level of comfort -- consider inviting, but it's not rude not to.  Goodie bad is definitely not rude, and is a nice gesture.

delabela

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Re: Children's Parties - Goody Bags for guests siblings
« Reply #9 on: March 15, 2013, 06:00:50 PM »
I do agree Bad Relative that its odd that half sibling isn't invited. Half Sibling is related to the children having the birthday parties, and gets to watch their siblings leave and come back with tales of a fun birthday party. I mean, it's nice that a goodie bag is sent home for the sibling, but you don't know if the Older Siblings raid it for the good stuff or even give it to the half sibling.

If half sibling is too young to attend or there's problems with their Mother that makes HS attending the parties something that's not going to happen, that's a whole different story of course.

I could be misunderstanding, but I think that the half-sibling is not related to the kids having the party, but rather is related to the kids attending.  She is a half-sib to them through their mother, and the OP is related through their father.  Not that it makes a difference in terms of being kind and cultivating a good relationship

Onyx_TKD

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Re: Children's Parties - Goody Bags for guests siblings
« Reply #10 on: March 15, 2013, 07:17:55 PM »
I do agree Bad Relative that its odd that half sibling isn't invited. Half Sibling is related to the children having the birthday parties, and gets to watch their siblings leave and come back with tales of a fun birthday party. I mean, it's nice that a goodie bag is sent home for the sibling, but you don't know if the Older Siblings raid it for the good stuff or even give it to the half sibling.

If half sibling is too young to attend or there's problems with their Mother that makes HS attending the parties something that's not going to happen, that's a whole different story of course.

I could be misunderstanding, but I think that the half-sibling is not related to the kids having the party, but rather is related to the kids attending.  She is a half-sib to them through their mother, and the OP is related through their father.  Not that it makes a difference in terms of being kind and cultivating a good relationship.

It likely makes a difference in why the half-sibling isn't invited, though. I see no reason to assume that the birthday child is well-acquainted with the half-sibling. If the birthday child and the cousins generally see each other only at family events for their shared family, then the birthday child may never have met the half-sibling or only barely know them. In that case, then IMO there's no reason to expect the half-sibling to be invited (or to expect the child to receive a goody bag). There's no etiquette rule that you have to invite people you don't know to your birthday party just because you're inviting their sibling. I see sending the goody bag as a kind gesture for a kid they don't really know but who is an important part of their cousins' lives.

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Re: Children's Parties - Goody Bags for guests siblings
« Reply #11 on: March 15, 2013, 07:21:01 PM »
I think it's a nice thing to do for the child, and Other Parent should MYOB.
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Promise

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Re: Children's Parties - Goody Bags for guests siblings
« Reply #12 on: March 15, 2013, 07:22:57 PM »
I think it's nice to send home the bag to the sib. I wonder though why that sib isn't invited? Does it matter that they are not "blood"? If the child lives in the same home with the other two and was a part of the cousin's life, it might be rude to  not invite that child. Maybe I'm not fully understanding the situation.

kherbert05

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Re: Children's Parties - Goody Bags for guests siblings
« Reply #13 on: March 15, 2013, 08:01:48 PM »
Maybe the OP can clarify but this is how I picture it


Niece and Nephew are related through their father OP's Brother.


1/2 Sib is a Maternal Sibling lives with Mom and that child's father. This child was born after OP's Brother and the child's mom divorced. Maternal Sibling was never part of the OP's Brother's household.


Op family birthday parties occasionally fall on weekends that Niece and nephew are at their Mom/Stepfather's house. Mom wants them to have a good relationship with Dad's family and is a nice person - she arranges for them to go to the birthday party. OP and her siblings wanting to also have a good relationship go the extra step and send a goody bag home for Maternal Sibling. I'm also guessing there is a bit of an age difference - so Mom treats the older kids going just like she would treat it if they were going to a school friend's birthday party.


Now if the maternal sibling* lived full or part time with the OP's brother, I would expect the child to be treated just like all the other cousins.


*Oldest niece hates the term 1/2 brother/sister. Quote "There is no 1/2 I love them with my whole heart" so she started using maternal and paternal brother/sister. (She doesn't have any "full" siblings.)
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sammycat

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Re: Children's Parties - Goody Bags for guests siblings
« Reply #14 on: March 15, 2013, 08:41:44 PM »
I think the half sibling part is a red herring.

If someone wants to give goodie bags to non-party attendees then that's their prerogative, and is no one else's business. That other relative needs to mind her own business. 

As for her comment  "1/2 sibling" who was not a "real" member of our family I am beyond disgusted.
« Last Edit: March 15, 2013, 08:59:21 PM by sammycat »