Late for a Lunch Date

[AstiTheWestie]

I am not sure if this is in the right place, so, Mods, feel free to move it.

I had a lunch date with my cousin today. It was set for 1:00; I cleared my calendar pretty much to make the date (I own my own business ... so anything that came in I pushed back). We had picked a central location, I would be driving 30 minutes west and she would be driving 30 minutes east. I arrived at the restaurant 10 minutes early, no big deal. She texted me at 12:50 (as I was arriving at the restaurant) and said she was running late, that she would not arrive until "prob 1:35."  What? So I texted her back and said we should just reschedule and I would go back to work (to deal with the jobs on my desk). I really did not want to waste 45 minutes because there was nothing I could have done there, and I could have gotten a lot of work done at my office. So now she is ticked at me, I am somewhat second-guessing myself, and nobody is happy. I usually allow, if you will, a 10 - 15 minute "late" window for traffic and such. But to have to wait for 45 minutes? Am I a horrible person for not waiting?

[miranova]

I think that is too long to expect you to wait.  I don't think it was completely out of line for her to ask, but she certainly should have been prepared for a "no" and has zero right to be upset at you.  You obviously have a business to run and can't spend 45 minutes in the middle of the day doing nothing.

[SamiHami]

She is ticked off at you? I think not! She's the one who was running late! Of course things come up and plans sometimes have to be changed, but she was unreasonable to get ticked off because you chose to not sit around for forty-five minutes waiting for her to show up. She needs to get over herself.

[WillyNilly]

I would need more information really. 

Often times I "worst case scenario" a situation, so I might say 1:35, thinking most likely I'll be there by 1:20 but I'm building in a cushion.
Also what was the reason for her lateness. If it was unexpected traffic, its out of her hands (and applies to the above situation - traffic might clear up and thus speed her arrival), vs if she left late and is just being casual about time, vs and emergency cropped up. Was this an important lunch is another factor.

I do think as a base, asking someone to wait 35 minutes is not cool, but there are situations where its less of an imposition then others.

[TurtleDove]

If she is running late, she should have known that by 12:30 at the latest, which is when she should have been on the road to the restaurant.  She apparently was not even planning on leaving until 1:05, five minutes after she was supposed to be there.  If she's upset with you, she's upset, but if you are asking whether you were wrong to ask to reschedule, in my opinion you were not. 

[lowspark]

If she is running late, she should have known that by 12:30 at the latest, which is when she should have been on the road to the restaurant.  She apparently was not even planning on leaving until 1:05, five minutes after she was supposed to be there.  If she's upset with you, she's upset, but if you are asking whether you were wrong to ask to reschedule, in my opinion you were not.

Yup. This. If it takes takes her 30 minutes to get there, and she is texting you at 12:50 that she will not be there for another 45 minutes, then that means she's actually not even leaving for another 15 minutes. So how inconvenienced is she, compared with you who have already driven 30 minutes and are waiting for her? And yeah, she waited till 20 minutes after the time she was supposed to leave to even tell you she wasn't leaving for another 15 minutes. Wow.

Is she a chronically late type of person or is this a one time thing? I gotta wonder, what was her excuse for being so late, did she give one?

[Outdoor Girl]

If you are going to be late for something and the person you are meeting is also driving, the time to let that person know you'll be late is BEFORE they will have reasonably left for the venue.

So your cousin should have texted you no later than 12:30 to let you know.  That way, you could have worked for a bit longer then headed out.

I can understand her being upset that she missed her lunch with you but you were fine, IMO.

[miranova]

If she is running late, she should have known that by 12:30 at the latest, which is when she should have been on the road to the restaurant. 

Yes!  Thank you, and please explain this to the chronic late people in my lives who don't even bother to CALL until after they are already late.  Things happen but if you are going to be late, you should know that LONG before you are actually late, unless you live 30 seconds away.

[AstiTheWestie]

That is what I was thinking, too. She had to know before 12:50 that she would be running late. And yes, she is frequently late, but that should not mean other people have to adjust their schedules to accommodate. Had she told me earlier she was running late, I could have adjusted. 10 minutes before? Not so much. But she confirmed the time this morning. Other times we have gotten together for other events, there has been a "window" of time. This was one-on-one, which I thought both of us were looking forward to. I just could not justify standing in the lobby for that amount of time.

[JenJay]

If she is running late, she should have known that by 12:30 at the latest, which is when she should have been on the road to the restaurant.  She apparently was not even planning on leaving until 1:05, five minutes after she was supposed to be there.  If she's upset with you, she's upset, but if you are asking whether you were wrong to ask to reschedule, in my opinion you were not.

Yup. This. If it takes takes her 30 minutes to get there, and she is texting you at 12:50 that she will not be there for another 45 minutes, then that means she's actually not even leaving for another 15 minutes. So how inconvenienced is she, compared with you who have already driven 30 minutes and are waiting for her? And yeah, she waited till 20 minutes after the time she was supposed to leave to even tell you she wasn't leaving for another 15 minutes. Wow.

Is she a chronically late type of person or is this a one time thing? I gotta wonder, what was her excuse for being so late, did she give one?

I'm with ^them! . If I'm supposed to meet you at 1, and we both have to leave by 12:30 to get there, I'm either heading for the car or texting you that I'll be late by 12:20. I wouldn't have waited for her either.

[MorgnsGrl]

If she is running late, she should have known that by 12:30 at the latest, which is when she should have been on the road to the restaurant.  She apparently was not even planning on leaving until 1:05, five minutes after she was supposed to be there.  If she's upset with you, she's upset, but if you are asking whether you were wrong to ask to reschedule, in my opinion you were not.

Yup. This. If it takes takes her 30 minutes to get there, and she is texting you at 12:50 that she will not be there for another 45 minutes, then that means she's actually not even leaving for another 15 minutes. So how inconvenienced is she, compared with you who have already driven 30 minutes and are waiting for her? And yeah, she waited till 20 minutes after the time she was supposed to leave to even tell you she wasn't leaving for another 15 minutes. Wow.

Is she a chronically late type of person or is this a one time thing? I gotta wonder, what was her excuse for being so late, did she give one?

I'm with ^them! . If I'm supposed to meet you at 1, and we both have to leave by 12:30 to get there, I'm either heading for the car or texting you that I'll be late by 12:20. I wouldn't have waited for her either.

Agreed! When you're going to be late, you let the person know as SOON as you know. She didn't let you know until 20 minutes after the time she should have already been on the road. Unacceptable unless there were emergency circumstances, which presumably she would have communicated. Without an explanation, it comes across as her thinking her time is more valuable than other peoples, and waiting around for her would just confirm that in her mind.

[kherbert05]

Unless she was trapped in traffic, she should have let you know she was leaving late. Then you all could have made a decision.


If she was trapped in traffic and was saying hey my GPS says I'll be there by X. Then I might have cut her some slack - especially if she can't turn around and go home.


I use my Waze and google maps to check traffic starting about an hour before I think I should leave - and I give myself 15 - 45 pad time. Still one time I was supposed to meet friends for lunch. I got on the FM road out of my neighborhood. While I was on it, the police shut the road down in both directions, so that life flight could land - there had been a horrible accident in one of the businesses along the road.  I was trapped. There was no way to turn off the road. I called one friend let her know what was happening.  Then I gave her an updated ETA after life flight took off. Friend called the others, and they agreed to meet 30 min later than we planned. Because I live on the other side of Houston - they got the call before they left.

[AstiTheWestie]

I am totally good with emergencies. (Sounds bad, but you all know what I mean!) BUT ... if it is just a "running late"  kind of thing ... that is when I have a problem.

[zyrs]

I think you handled it well.  She called you twenty minutes after she should have left and basically told you that she wouldn't be leaving for another 15 minutes.  You are not a horrible person.

[DavidH]

I think she's being unreasonable.  On a work day, it's one thing to take a 2 hr, lunch (assuming 30 min each way, and 1 hr to eat), but to then extend it beyond that since she's late would make it a very long lunch and not getting back to your desk until 3 at the earliest.  I don't think you are being unreasonable not to wait 30-45 min, particularly since she likely hadn't left yet.