Late for a Lunch Date

[Winterlight]

Since she had yet to leave the building even though she should have been on the road for 20 minutes, and it would be a 45 minute wait, I think you were right to cancel.

[Bees]

I might have gone into the restaurant and ordered a lunch to treat myself for having been on the road for 30 min.
So I would not have wasted the trip. Then if she got there at 1:35 you could both order dessert and catch up for just a bit.

It can be crazy to try and schedule around work/life crisis/traffic.

[Raintree]

But to have to wait for 45 minutes?

Small correction; she was figuring on keeping you waiting 35 minutes, not 45; the fact that you got there 10 minutes early has nothing to do with her.

But, I don't mean to excuse her in any way. 35 minutes late is too long to keep someone waiting without a VERY good excuse (like a family emergency involving hospitals, or car broke down, etc) and even then it wouldn't be wrong for you to decline to wait and tell her to reschedule. Even if you didn't have other commitments that day, I think it would be a smart way to "train" a chronically late person not to do this. Also, from her wording it sounds as though she might not even have made it for 1:35 and the real arrival time could have turned out to be more like 1:50.

I can almost (only almost) sympathize with her for running late as I have always had a real struggle trying get places on time, but then if I were in her place, and the person I was meeting said, "Never mind, we'll have to reschedule" I'd be mortified, totally ashamed, and falling all over myself to apologize, not mad at the person I'd inconvenienced!!

[AstiTheWestie]

Yes, that is true. It would have been at least 35 minute wait had she arrived at 1:35. Which is still too long. In my head I was just figuring I would have to wait another 45 minutes ~ at least. Plus the place we were going to eat at does not seat you until your entire party was present.

[Raintree]

Yes, that is true. It would have been at least 35 minute wait had she arrived at 1:35. Which is still too long. In my head I was just figuring I would have to wait another 45 minutes ~ at least. Plus the place we were going to eat at does not seat you until your entire party was present.

Yeah, I agree, definitely too long. If I were the waiting person I might find it acceptable if 1) she told me beforehand, and 2) I didn't have to be anywhere else that day.

[LifeOnPluto]

Yep, your cousin was rude, And the fact that SHE is ticked off at YOU makes her sound entitled.

Not that this excuses her behaviour, but since you own your own business, is it possible that she (mistakenly) thinks your schedule is super-flexible, and that waiting around for 35 minutes shouldn't be a big deal for you at all?

[AstiTheWestie]

EXCELLENT point, LifeOnPluto. Yes, that did cross my mind. I still have to be accountable. I would have gladly taken the time off to be WITH her and catching up. But to be cooling my heels, I would not have been a happy lunch date. Yes, my schedule is *somewhat* more flexible now, but I still have responsibilities.

[Raintree]

Same, I'm self-employed and I have flexibility as to when to make other appointments, or take half a day off, and so on, but then everyone seems to assume that I can automatically take time off to do whatever. So if I'm joining a weekend trip (Saturday/Sunday), it'll suddenly be announced we're leaving Friday evening to get the driving out of the way (fine) but as the time draws closer, suddenly I'm asked to leave work at 4, or 3, or even 2 PM, when that wasn't part of the original invite. Uh....well, I am my own boss and can do what I want really, but it's not in my best interests to turn away business on Friday afternoon so I can do a fun trip. It's money. And I need money. 

I can totally see someone thinking that because I can be flexible about deciding when to have lunch, then I must have all the time in the world to hang around waiting if they don't show up at that time.