Author Topic: leaving me with very little options a week before holidays....  (Read 10119 times)

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sammycat

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Re: leaving me with very little options a week before holidays....
« Reply #30 on: April 06, 2013, 10:43:46 PM »
You are not overly sensitive and have every right to be really annoyed and upset over this appalling treatment.  Have a lovely trip and don't rely on them for anything again.

Agreed!  You have been treated terribly.

gramma dishes

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Re: leaving me with very little options a week before holidays....
« Reply #31 on: April 06, 2013, 10:44:54 PM »
...   Sometimes my family tells me I am overly sensitive or over react ...

LOL!!  Of course they say that!  It couldn't possibly be that THEY'RE doing anything wrong!!  So therefore, no matter how bad their behavior is, it must be someone else's fault.  In your case, "You're just too sensitive!"  Sooo much easier for them to say than "I'm sorry.  We really let you down, didn't we?"    ;)

Danika

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Re: leaving me with very little options a week before holidays....
« Reply #32 on: April 06, 2013, 11:29:17 PM »
OP here--updating. Family friend has agreed to take my one dog (she offered when she heard the story) my mother & step father have not called me since the conversation and I havent called them either--dont really have anything to say right now. Leaving monday! Thanks for all the advice. Sometimes my family tells me I am overly sensitive or over react so I always approach my feelings towards them with caution!

Glad you can still go on your trip! I'm happy about your family friend.

As to people calling you over sensitive, they do that to force you to stop complaining when they treat you poorly.
 
Kind of like a good quote from Downtown Abbey "'Can't you take a joke?' The bully's defense."

Tia2

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Re: leaving me with very little options a week before holidays....
« Reply #33 on: April 07, 2013, 11:50:54 AM »
...   Sometimes my family tells me I am overly sensitive or over react ...

LOL!!  Of course they say that!  It couldn't possibly be that THEY'RE doing anything wrong!!  So therefore, no matter how bad their behavior is, it must be someone else's fault.  In your case, "You're just too sensitive!"  Sooo much easier for them to say than "I'm sorry.  We really let you down, didn't we?"    ;)

Agreed - 'you're too sensitive' is the classic line put forward by a bully.  Upset that they threw a glass of water in your face and ruined your silk dress - can't you take a joke?  You're too sensitive.

Angry that they've let you down at the last minute, possibly ruining your holiday - your upset is unreasonable, you're too sensitive.

I'm sure there are multiple other scenarios we could think of.

As a general rule, the minute someone pulls out the 'you're too sensitive' line, it means they've done something wrong and are trying to shift the blame onto their victim.

I actually deal with some people that I think are too sensitive - I'd never say this to them as it just makes the situation worse.

TootsNYC

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Re: leaving me with very little options a week before holidays....
« Reply #34 on: April 07, 2013, 02:56:56 PM »
OP here--updating. Family friend has agreed to take my one dog (she offered when she heard the story) my mother & step father have not called me since the conversation and I havent called them either--dont really have anything to say right now. Leaving monday! Thanks for all the advice. Sometimes my family tells me I am overly sensitive or over react so I always approach my feelings towards them with caution!

Y'know. given this one example that *we* have, I would suggest you strongly consider the possibility that this is one of those counter-attacks that people do when they know deep down that they are rude but they don't want to admit it and apologize. It may not be you at all--it may be them.

Though, wait--maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe we have TWO examples. Did you get the 'you're too sensitive' reaction when your mom and your stepdad stranded you without a ride by reneging on whether they'd give you a lift back home?

If so, then don't even consider that "counter-attack" as a possibility. Consider it to be a certainty.

Knitterly

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Re: leaving me with very little options a week before holidays....
« Reply #35 on: April 10, 2013, 05:38:51 PM »
OP here--updating. Family friend has agreed to take my one dog (she offered when she heard the story) my mother & step father have not called me since the conversation and I havent called them either--dont really have anything to say right now. Leaving monday! Thanks for all the advice. Sometimes my family tells me I am overly sensitive or over react so I always approach my feelings towards them with caution!

Y'know. given this one example that *we* have, I would suggest you strongly consider the possibility that this is one of those counter-attacks that people do when they know deep down that they are rude but they don't want to admit it and apologize. It may not be you at all--it may be them.

Though, wait--maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe we have TWO examples. Did you get the 'you're too sensitive' reaction when your mom and your stepdad stranded you without a ride by reneging on whether they'd give you a lift back home?

If so, then don't even consider that "counter-attack" as a possibility. Consider it to be a certainty.

I completely agree.

For years - most of my life, in fact - I got the "you're too sensitive" and "don't be such a drama queen" lines from my whole family.  Easter weekend, my mother was "watching" the kids (my sisters and mine) while I was prepping food for dinner.  Suddenly, I spotted LK out of the corner of my eye heading towards the stairs.  She was an inch away from stepping right off the top step and tumbling down.  I should note, these are hard steps that go to a hard floor below.  LK, like her momma, tends to not watch where she goes and often requires an extra vigilant eye for this.

I dropped what I was doing, sopping hands and all, and grabbed her in two long strides across the kitchen while yelling "LK, STOP!"

My mother then launched into me about being a drama queen and continued on about how I'd always been such a drama queen and I need to trust that LK will learn to use the stairs.  After all, she's a year and a half and plenty old enough to know how to go up and down stairs.  Etc.  Yadda yadda, and on and on.

I told her that LK has enough bruises for now, thanks, and she doesn't need more.  Then I put LK under the care of her 7 year old cousin.  She was safer under the care of my niece than she was with my mom.   And then I completely ignored my mother while she continued to rib me about being such a drama queen.

If my kid is about to tumble head first down a flight of stairs, I don't care if I look like a "drama queen", I'm going to stop it from happening.  Same thing if she's about to touch a hot stove, put her hand in a lion's mouth, or kiss a tarantula.

(Incidentally, this is the story I alluded to in my "shiny spine" thread - apparently I'd said my piece so casually with the same tone you might use to say "Oh, no thanks, but thanks for the offer" to a cup of tea).

As I have been building my own shiny spine, I have gone back over all the incidents growing up where I was a "drama queen" or "dramatic" or "too sensitive" or "over-reacting", and I began to recognize a pattern where it was rarely MY behaviour that was out of line - it was nearly always theirs.  My reactions have pretty much always been appropriate to the situation.

So, mad OP, because your mother and step father promised to do something for you and backed out of for no good reason and with very little warning?  That's not overly sensitive.  That is well placed and reasonable anger at upsetting behaviour.
« Last Edit: April 11, 2013, 01:00:42 PM by Knitterly »

RebeccainGA

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Re: leaving me with very little options a week before holidays....
« Reply #36 on: April 11, 2013, 09:00:23 AM »
So, mad OP, because your mother and step father promised to do something for you and backed out of for no good reason and with very little warning?  That's not overly sensitive.  That is well placed and reasonable anger at upsetting behaviour.

I so agree. My family, my sister in particular, has frequently called me a drama queen after they have pulled stunts like this. For example - my mom's dad was dying, and they came to visit me (mom and sister), for mom's birthday. He passed away the day after they arrived. I had no way to pay for a trip, and was going to miss the funeral. Mom and sister said 'come with us, we'll make sure you get home - promise!'. I go with them, and at the post-service reception, my mom admits that she had no intentions of buying me a plane ticket - she just figured I'd take care of it. I was about to be stranded in a city 300 miles from home, no where to stay, no way to get home (I wasn't kidding when I said I had no way to get home - my checking account balance was under $10). Thankfully, an aunt stepped in and bought my ticket - she said that no one should be stranded away from home at Christmas (did I mention this was Dec. 26?) and sent me home to my DP and DD. Mom and sister STILL deny that this happened. This was five years ago, not fifty!

I hope you learn, like I did, to have no expectations of those that are unreliable. That way, at least, all your surprises are good ones. I spent a lot of time and energy thinking my family would take care of me, and being disappointed.