Author Topic: Last Birthday Bucket List  (Read 14201 times)

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snowdragon

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Re: Last Birthday Bucket List
« Reply #15 on: March 16, 2013, 05:36:44 PM »
I don't think being forced to cover three people instead of one is a petty concern.  Here it costs $75/hr. for a limo. What Lola is proposing is at a least 6 hour event so we're talking around 450 for the limo plus dinner at an upscale restaurant that can go anywhere from 75 to 100 per person plus tips and drinks.  ( a mediocre martini here is $12 bucks a pop here. ) so figure at least one glass of something with dinner and one after per person  and you're talking about $100 to $125 per person BEFORE tips. And you need to tip both the waiter and  the limo driver
  That's an awful lot to ask someone else to fork over - no matter what the reason. If you want to host these leeches - go ahead, but even split 10 ways that's more than I spend on entertainment in 6 months.  I would go for my dying friend's sake but I'll be darned if I I spend the rest of my entertainment budget because someone else decided I had to pitch in for people who WON'T pay for themselves. Lola knows what patty is like, she invited her, she knows what to expect from her friend and she likely expects them to pull what you are anticipating. While she gets to invite whom she wants to her event, she does not get to expect everyone else to pay for two more people. 

kudeebee

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Re: Last Birthday Bucket List
« Reply #16 on: March 16, 2013, 07:58:27 PM »
I don't think being forced to cover three people instead of one is a petty concern.  Here it costs $75/hr. for a limo. What Lola is proposing is at a least 6 hour event so we're talking around 450 for the limo plus dinner at an upscale restaurant that can go anywhere from 75 to 100 per person plus tips and drinks.  ( a mediocre martini here is $12 bucks a pop here. ) so figure at least one glass of something with dinner and one after per person  and you're talking about $100 to $125 per person BEFORE tips. And you need to tip both the waiter and  the limo driver
  That's an awful lot to ask someone else to fork over - no matter what the reason. If you want to host these leeches - go ahead, but even split 10 ways that's more than I spend on entertainment in 6 months.  I would go for my dying friend's sake but I'll be darned if I I spend the rest of my entertainment budget because someone else decided I had to pitch in for people who WON'T pay for themselves. Lola knows what patty is like, she invited her, she knows what to expect from her friend and she likely expects them to pull what you are anticipating. While she gets to invite whom she wants to her event, she does not get to expect everyone else to pay for two more people.

I have to agree with this.  No way am I going to cover two free loaders.  Lola knows what they are like and chose to invite them, so she must be planning to cover for them.  I would hope that she doesn't expect the rest of you to cover them.  I would take along money in a variety of denominations and pay just for your part of the bill.

sammycat

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Re: Last Birthday Bucket List
« Reply #17 on: March 16, 2013, 08:27:53 PM »
I don't think being forced to cover three people instead of one is a petty concern.  Here it costs $75/hr. for a limo. What Lola is proposing is at a least 6 hour event so we're talking around 450 for the limo plus dinner at an upscale restaurant that can go anywhere from 75 to 100 per person plus tips and drinks.  ( a mediocre martini here is $12 bucks a pop here. ) so figure at least one glass of something with dinner and one after per person  and you're talking about $100 to $125 per person BEFORE tips. And you need to tip both the waiter and  the limo driver
  That's an awful lot to ask someone else to fork over - no matter what the reason. If you want to host these leeches - go ahead, but even split 10 ways that's more than I spend on entertainment in 6 months.  I would go for my dying friend's sake but I'll be darned if I I spend the rest of my entertainment budget because someone else decided I had to pitch in for people who WON'T pay for themselves. Lola knows what patty is like, she invited her, she knows what to expect from her friend and she likely expects them to pull what you are anticipating. While she gets to invite whom she wants to her event, she does not get to expect everyone else to pay for two more people.

I have to agree with this.  No way am I going to cover two free loaders.  Lola knows what they are like and chose to invite them, so she must be planning to cover for them.  I would hope that she doesn't expect the rest of you to cover them.  I would take along money in a variety of denominations and pay just for your part of the bill.

Thirded.

And remember OP,  it won't be you who is causing a problem,  but the freeloaders.

delabela

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Re: Last Birthday Bucket List
« Reply #18 on: March 17, 2013, 12:41:58 PM »
I don't think being forced to cover three people instead of one is a petty concern.  Here it costs $75/hr. for a limo. What Lola is proposing is at a least 6 hour event so we're talking around 450 for the limo plus dinner at an upscale restaurant that can go anywhere from 75 to 100 per person plus tips and drinks.  ( a mediocre martini here is $12 bucks a pop here. ) so figure at least one glass of something with dinner and one after per person  and you're talking about $100 to $125 per person BEFORE tips. And you need to tip both the waiter and  the limo driver
  That's an awful lot to ask someone else to fork over - no matter what the reason. If you want to host these leeches - go ahead, but even split 10 ways that's more than I spend on entertainment in 6 months.  I would go for my dying friend's sake but I'll be darned if I I spend the rest of my entertainment budget because someone else decided I had to pitch in for people who WON'T pay for themselves. Lola knows what patty is like, she invited her, she knows what to expect from her friend and she likely expects them to pull what you are anticipating. While she gets to invite whom she wants to her event, she does not get to expect everyone else to pay for two more people.

I have to agree with this.  No way am I going to cover two free loaders.  Lola knows what they are like and chose to invite them, so she must be planning to cover for them.  I would hope that she doesn't expect the rest of you to cover them.  I would take along money in a variety of denominations and pay just for your part of the bill.

Thirded.

And remember OP,  it won't be you who is causing a problem,  but the freeloaders.

In almost any other situation, I would agree.  But this woman is dying - this will be her last birthday, and if, as her friend, I can give her a pleasant memory to hang on to in her final days, I will do that.  Even if it means subsidizing moochers.  It would be a comfort to me when she's gone.  There will be other days to make a stand against taking advantage of the generosity of others. 

snowdragon

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Re: Last Birthday Bucket List
« Reply #19 on: March 17, 2013, 02:08:08 PM »
I don't think being forced to cover three people instead of one is a petty concern.  Here it costs $75/hr. for a limo. What Lola is proposing is at a least 6 hour event so we're talking around 450 for the limo plus dinner at an upscale restaurant that can go anywhere from 75 to 100 per person plus tips and drinks.  ( a mediocre martini here is $12 bucks a pop here. ) so figure at least one glass of something with dinner and one after per person  and you're talking about $100 to $125 per person BEFORE tips. And you need to tip both the waiter and  the limo driver
  That's an awful lot to ask someone else to fork over - no matter what the reason. If you want to host these leeches - go ahead, but even split 10 ways that's more than I spend on entertainment in 6 months.  I would go for my dying friend's sake but I'll be darned if I I spend the rest of my entertainment budget because someone else decided I had to pitch in for people who WON'T pay for themselves. Lola knows what patty is like, she invited her, she knows what to expect from her friend and she likely expects them to pull what you are anticipating. While she gets to invite whom she wants to her event, she does not get to expect everyone else to pay for two more people.

I have to agree with this.  No way am I going to cover two free loaders.  Lola knows what they are like and chose to invite them, so she must be planning to cover for them.  I would hope that she doesn't expect the rest of you to cover them.  I would take along money in a variety of denominations and pay just for your part of the bill.

Thirded.

And remember OP,  it won't be you who is causing a problem,  but the freeloaders.

In almost any other situation, I would agree.  But this woman is dying - this will be her last birthday, and if, as her friend, I can give her a pleasant memory to hang on to in her final days, I will do that.  Even if it means subsidizing moochers.  It would be a comfort to me when she's gone.  There will be other days to make a stand against taking advantage of the generosity of others.

And that is your right. It is not Lola's right or anyone else in the parties to decide that everyone else must subsidize this.    and the OP should be aware that she may be the only one willing to pick up the tab for these two. 

exitzero

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Re: Last Birthday Bucket List
« Reply #20 on: March 17, 2013, 04:55:12 PM »
Under normal circumstances I wouldn't want to pay for a mooch, but this time I'd probably suck it up, pay for Patty myself,  and make the night go a smoothly as possible.


LeveeWoman

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Re: Last Birthday Bucket List
« Reply #21 on: March 17, 2013, 09:09:17 PM »
Under normal circumstances I wouldn't want to pay for a mooch, but this time I'd probably suck it up, pay for Patty myself,  and make the night go a smoothly as possible.

So would I. It's not about Patty, it's not about my entertainment budget: it's about Lola.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Last Birthday Bucket List
« Reply #22 on: March 17, 2013, 09:17:26 PM »
Yes, it is about Lola but I'm not sure if I could be happy and celebrate, knowing I'd have to at least partially pay for a couple of moochers.  It would somewhat spoil one of my last chances to spend time with Lola.

I wouldn't say anything to Lola but I would talk to Patty ahead of time, let her know that the rest of us were on to her little game and she better come with enough money to cover her and her daughter's share of the limo and dinner.  If she isn't prepared to do that, she'd shouldn't come.  If Patty didn't bring money, I wouldn't make a fuss but I would never speak to her again.
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LeveeWoman

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Re: Last Birthday Bucket List
« Reply #23 on: March 17, 2013, 10:34:41 PM »
Yes, it is about Lola but I'm not sure if I could be happy and celebrate, knowing I'd have to at least partially pay for a couple of moochers.  It would somewhat spoil one of my last chances to spend time with Lola.

I wouldn't say anything to Lola but I would talk to Patty ahead of time, let her know that the rest of us were on to her little game and she better come with enough money to cover her and her daughter's share of the limo and dinner.  If she isn't prepared to do that, she'd shouldn't come.  If Patty didn't bring money, I wouldn't make a fuss but I would never speak to her again.

So, there's your answer.

sammycat

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Re: Last Birthday Bucket List
« Reply #24 on: March 18, 2013, 12:10:49 AM »
Yes, it is about Lola but I'm not sure if I could be happy and celebrate, knowing I'd have to at least partially pay for a couple of moochers.  It would somewhat spoil one of my last chances to spend time with Lola.

I wouldn't say anything to Lola but I would talk to Patty ahead of time, let her know that the rest of us were on to her little game and she better come with enough money to cover her and her daughter's share of the limo and dinner.  If she isn't prepared to do that, she'd shouldn't come.  If Patty didn't bring money, I wouldn't make a fuss but I would never speak to her again.

Exactly.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Last Birthday Bucket List
« Reply #25 on: March 18, 2013, 12:18:06 AM »
Yes, it is about Lola but I'm not sure if I could be happy and celebrate, knowing I'd have to at least partially pay for a couple of moochers.  It would somewhat spoil one of my last chances to spend time with Lola.

I wouldn't say anything to Lola but I would talk to Patty ahead of time, let her know that the rest of us were on to her little game and she better come with enough money to cover her and her daughter's share of the limo and dinner.  If she isn't prepared to do that, she'd shouldn't come.  If Patty didn't bring money, I wouldn't make a fuss but I would never speak to her again.

Fine! You would have no reason to speak to her again.

nolechica

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Re: Last Birthday Bucket List
« Reply #26 on: March 18, 2013, 04:55:45 AM »
I would contact the other women involved to decide what to do.  Yes, I could afford to budget to be there for Lola, but not necessarily to cover two other people if it were to cost me 100+ extra with no warning.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Last Birthday Bucket List
« Reply #27 on: March 18, 2013, 09:41:09 AM »
I think I would talk with the other 7 women who were planning to attend and find out if any of them are willing to split Patty's and her DD's share if she ended up with not coming with any money.

It sounds like Lola is paying for the limo and the guests are responsible for splitting the driver tip and their own dinner.  If the tip is $100 that's around $15 per person and then 2 dinners at $100 each. So potentially a tab of $230 that could be split 7 ways. So around $30 per person if all 7 of the other guests pitched in to cover the moochers.

If I were approached with "I know that we are all planning to spend around $115 for our portion of the night out, but would you mind having another $30 available just in case we need to cover for Patty and her daughter so it doesn't become a scene for Lola to deal with." I would commit to the extra $30. 

My bigger issue would be the odor problem you mentioned. Take a bottle of odor absorber spray for the limo.

BeagleMommy

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Re: Last Birthday Bucket List
« Reply #28 on: March 18, 2013, 01:18:14 PM »
Under normal circumstances I would say no, don't pay for the moochers.  Let them bear the brunt of their selfishness.  However, this is not a normal circumstance.  Talk to the others that are going to see if they support paying for Patty (don't volunteer, but be prepared) in order to give Lola a dram-free evening.

I suspect Patty is going to wonder why no one wants to be her friend after Lola has passed.

Hugs to you, OP.  This can't be easy.

snowdragon

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Re: Last Birthday Bucket List
« Reply #29 on: March 18, 2013, 01:18:53 PM »
I think I would talk with the other 7 women who were planning to attend and find out if any of them are willing to split Patty's and her DD's share if she ended up with not coming with any money.

It sounds like Lola is paying for the limo and the guests are responsible for splitting the driver tip and their own dinner.  If the tip is $100 that's around $15 per person and then 2 dinners at $100 each. So potentially a tab of $230 that could be split 7 ways. So around $30 per person if all 7 of the other guests pitched in to cover the moochers.

If I were approached with "I know that we are all planning to spend around $115 for our portion of the night out, but would you mind having another $30 available just in case we need to cover for Patty and her daughter so it doesn't become a scene for Lola to deal with." I would commit to the extra $30. 

My bigger issue would be the odor problem you mentioned. Take a bottle of odor absorber spray for the limo.


It sounded  to me that Lola was having everyone pay for part of the limo and their dinner and drinks. It also appears to me that folks are playing on paying for Lola's portion of the bill, too.  So it would be considerably more than $30 extra.  I would if the OP can confirm what the people are paying for. 

  I like the idea of people asking if folks would be willing to float these three. ( And yes, I put Lola in there too, as she knows that Patty and her daughter are likely to soak other's for their portion and is still willing to put the other 7 in that position) The asking ahead of time would give people like me who simply can't afford the added expense to explain that after two years of unemployment the added expense is simply not happening. If pushed I would have to just decline going myself.
  And yes, I agree with Outdoor Girl, which ever this went, it would impact my ability to enjoy myself at this shindig.