Author Topic: Uncomfortable hospitality (updated throughout/most recent page 8)  (Read 25130 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

CakeEater

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2529
Re: Uncomfortable hospitality (updated throughout/most recent page 8)
« Reply #135 on: August 24, 2013, 05:41:09 PM »
I am glad people enjoyed their time together! I generally find it petty to nitpick the good and drinks provided at parties. I don't go to parties for that. I go be amuse I want to spend time with the people. Granted, most of the people I spend time with throw great well-catered parties....but in my experience if I don't want to be somewhere or with certain people, no amount of champagne and caviar is enough. And if I do want to celebrate with people I am certainly not focused on whether I got free steak or not. I am focused on "hey! Great to see you!"

Not sure if you're directly replying to my post, but I'll respond anyway!

To me it's not about champagne and caviar, but about a meal at mealtime. I've been to a few parties now where we've been invited at meal time, ie 6pm for a 'party til late' event, and been served crackers and cheese plates only, or spring rolls and party pies. Wings would fall into that category for me - a snack food, rather than a meal.

Then you're wondering if more food is coming, or if that's all you're getting, and then whether it's rude to do what the OP did, and order your own food so you get to eat a proper meal. And then you discover you can't order a meal, or you decide it is rude and then you fill up on cheese, and feel awful.

It's hard to focus on how happy you are to be socialising when you're either hungry, or full of cheese.

CrazyDaffodilLady

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1227
Re: Uncomfortable hospitality (updated throughout/most recent page 8)
« Reply #136 on: August 24, 2013, 07:09:18 PM »
Two good things:

1. It's over, and it wasn't a total disaster. 

2. Even if the hospitality was awful and people went home hungry, it in no way reflects badly on tiggnduff. 

It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

Iris

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3867
Re: Uncomfortable hospitality (updated throughout/most recent page 8)
« Reply #137 on: August 24, 2013, 08:03:58 PM »
I am glad people enjoyed their time together! I generally find it petty to nitpick the good and drinks provided at parties. I don't go to parties for that. I go be amuse I want to spend time with the people. Granted, most of the people I spend time with throw great well-catered parties....but in my experience if I don't want to be somewhere or with certain people, no amount of champagne and caviar is enough. And if I do want to celebrate with people I am certainly not focused on whether I got free steak or not. I am focused on "hey! Great to see you!"

Not sure if you're directly replying to my post, but I'll respond anyway!

To me it's not about champagne and caviar, but about a meal at mealtime. I've been to a few parties now where we've been invited at meal time, ie 6pm for a 'party til late' event, and been served crackers and cheese plates only, or spring rolls and party pies. Wings would fall into that category for me - a snack food, rather than a meal.

Then you're wondering if more food is coming, or if that's all you're getting, and then whether it's rude to do what the OP did, and order your own food so you get to eat a proper meal. And then you discover you can't order a meal, or you decide it is rude and then you fill up on cheese, and feel awful.

It's hard to focus on how happy you are to be socialising when you're either hungry, or full of cheese.

Also, being hungry seriously affects my mood. Seriously. A well placed meal (or even snack) can take me from "I hate everyone, with their faces..." to "Yay! Party!" I used to think I was odd that way but over the years I've noticed MANY people get cranky when they're hungry, they just haven't made the connection yet. I don't care if I'm fed wings or whatever, as long as there's lots of them, but if you have a party full of hungry people it's just not going to work as well as a party of fed people.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

jedikaiti

  • Swiss Army Nerd
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2675
  • A pie in the hand is worth two in the mail.
Re: Uncomfortable hospitality (updated throughout/most recent page 8)
« Reply #138 on: August 24, 2013, 09:39:22 PM »
I am very definitely one of those who turns into a fire breathing dragon when I get too hungry. Wings will suffice if there's enough of them (and assuming there's no vinegar in the sauce because a lot of those sauces they use are full of it and will guarantee I won't go near the vile things), but really, if it's around a mealtime, I need a real meal, not just a buffet of snacks. Otherwise, I will be getting my own food, and possibly leaving to do so if I am unsatisfied with the restaurant's offerings, just out of sheer crankiness.
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture

CakeEater

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2529
Re: Uncomfortable hospitality (updated throughout/most recent page 8)
« Reply #139 on: August 24, 2013, 10:24:50 PM »

Also, being hungry seriously affects my mood. Seriously. A well placed meal (or even snack) can take me from "I hate everyone, with their faces..." to "Yay! Party!" I used to think I was odd that way but over the years I've noticed MANY people get cranky when they're hungry, they just haven't made the connection yet. I don't care if I'm fed wings or whatever, as long as there's lots of them, but if you have a party full of hungry people it's just not going to work as well as a party of fed people.

Yeah, it's the face part of people that I hate the most when I'm hungry.  ;D

CakeEater

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2529
Re: Uncomfortable hospitality (updated throughout/most recent page 8)
« Reply #140 on: August 24, 2013, 10:35:25 PM »

Also, being hungry seriously affects my mood. Seriously. A well placed meal (or even snack) can take me from "I hate everyone, with their faces..." to "Yay! Party!" I used to think I was odd that way but over the years I've noticed MANY people get cranky when they're hungry, they just haven't made the connection yet. I don't care if I'm fed wings or whatever, as long as there's lots of them, but if you have a party full of hungry people it's just not going to work as well as a party of fed people.

Yeah, it's the face part of people that I hate the most when I'm hungry.  ;D

ladyknight1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6890
  • Operating the logic hammer since 1987.
Re: Uncomfortable hospitality (updated throughout/most recent page 8)
« Reply #141 on: August 24, 2013, 11:28:44 PM »
I also feel bad for the people who were invited and told one thing, then arrived to something completely different. That would not incline me to attend another function with that host.

I am noticing more and more events, at a traditional mealtime, with very little food served, even though the invitation states otherwise.

twiggy

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 778
  • wonder what this thing is
Re: Uncomfortable hospitality (updated throughout/most recent page 8)
« Reply #142 on: August 25, 2013, 12:41:21 AM »
I also feel bad for the people who were invited and told one thing, then arrived to something completely different. That would not incline me to attend another function with that host.

I am noticing more and more events, at a traditional mealtime, with very little food served, even though the invitation states otherwise.

hmm, maybe that explains the weird texts I got today. I hosted a 6pm birthday party tonight and had 3 people ask if it was a cake only party or a dinner and cake. I thought it was self-explanatory, but I maybe there's a trend I was unaware of. FTR we had a fruit tray, cheese/cracker plate and a veggie plate to nibble on while the kids played, then BBQ pulled pork, potato salad, baked beans, green salad, fruit salad, and a black bean/quinoa with veggies vegan dish.
In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat children as adults, and adults as children.  The options of children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are progressively constricted.  The result is unruly children and childish adults.  ~Thomas Szasz

blarg314

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8437
Re: Uncomfortable hospitality (updated throughout/most recent page 8)
« Reply #143 on: August 25, 2013, 02:08:10 AM »

I find that no matter how nice the company is, if I'm invited for dinner and no dinner is actually served (or what is served is nowhere near a full meal) I tend to get cranky. Part of it is  simply hungry - as a PP noted, missing a meal tends to make a lot of people irritable, or less inclined for socializing. Part of it is the feeling of a bait and switch - "Come for dinner.... Welcome! By the way, by dinner I meant chips and soda!  Suprise!"

In the OP's case, I would say that the guests were definitely shorted on hospitality. They were invited to a completely hosted dinner. They arrived, some of them travelling a fair distance, to find a limited supply of snack food which ran out, and a cash bar.

However, I think, for this case, it was a reasonable outcome. FIL did not put his family in debt and threaten his marriage. No-one else was bullied into paying to make him look like a good host. And FIL will get the consequences of his lack of planning, in damaging his own reputation as a host.

LifeOnPluto

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6455
    • Blog
Re: Uncomfortable hospitality (updated throughout/most recent page 8)
« Reply #144 on: August 25, 2013, 05:50:36 AM »
It's not ideal to let your guests go hungry, and make them pay for their drinks - especially if they've travelled a long way to attend.

That said, I agree that it was the lesser of two evils.

POF

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2621
Re: Uncomfortable hospitality (updated throughout/most recent page 8)
« Reply #145 on: August 25, 2013, 06:13:01 PM »
I am glad people enjoyed their time together! I generally find it petty to nitpick the good and drinks provided at parties. I don't go to parties for that. I go be amuse I want to spend time with the people. Granted, most of the people I spend time with throw great well-catered parties....but in my experience if I don't want to be somewhere or with certain people, no amount of champagne and caviar is enough. And if I do want to celebrate with people I am certainly not focused on whether I got free steak or not. I am focused on "hey! Great to see you!"

Perhaps you were responding to me, again I think there is a big difference between nitpicking adequate food served ( not cool ) and people having to order extra food at a mealtime party. I'd be happy with wings, salad and bread - but if there isn't enough and the party was advertised as a meal, people probably came hungry. Its bad hosting.  If there was enough to everyone to eat a serving of wings, salad and bread - then it would have been fine.

I remember going to an awards luncheon for work - and our table was the last at the buffet and it was empty and they were not bringing out more.  I got 2 small chunks of potato and a spoonful of salad.

Lynn2000

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4840
Re: Uncomfortable hospitality (updated throughout/most recent page 8)
« Reply #146 on: August 26, 2013, 10:16:28 AM »
For the overall event, it wasn't a good outcome, in that it sounds like FIL didn't provide adequate hospitality to all his guests. But, knowing the backstory, I think it's great that the OP was never sucked into paying for it, and that FIL didn't get himself in financial trouble over it, either. Also, it's important that MIL had a good time, since it was in her honor. I feel bad for the guests who went hungry, but at least the error is on FIL, not the OP, and it was presumably not a life-or-death thing.

I just hope it hasn't taught FIL that it's "okay" to host on the cheap like that... OP, next time he invites you to a big party, you might want to stop at McDonald's first, just in case!
~Lynn2000

ladyknight1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6890
  • Operating the logic hammer since 1987.
Re: Uncomfortable hospitality (updated throughout/most recent page 8)
« Reply #147 on: August 26, 2013, 10:55:48 AM »
This is why there is always a protein bar in my bag, just in case!

Danika

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1917
  • I'm not speeding. I'm qualifying.
Re: Uncomfortable hospitality (updated throughout/most recent page 8)
« Reply #148 on: August 26, 2013, 02:02:26 PM »
I just hope it hasn't taught FIL that it's "okay" to host on the cheap like that... OP, next time he invites you to a big party, you might want to stop at McDonald's first, just in case!

That's what I learned about my father's side of the family. I always ate right before we went to their house for an event because otherwise I knew I'd be hungry at the event. I remember one time my father asked "Why are you eating? We're going to grandma's for dinner." And I replied "Exactly."

tiggnduff

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 264
Re: Uncomfortable hospitality (updated throughout/most recent page 8)
« Reply #149 on: August 28, 2013, 07:33:12 PM »
Thank you for the interesting discussion everyone! I agree I don't think for fil there was a good way to go on this one. He got in over his head and either route wasn't going to work out well in some way. Get in over your head in debt to provide what you want to or tone it down to what you can afford with the likelyhood of not really hosting properly.

I guess I wish he hadn't been so bull headed about it from the start with visions of grander. We put out the option from the beginning of hosting a large but reasonalble guest list bbq at our home and helping substantially with he costs ie. burgers, chicken, sausages etc but even providing limited beer & wine with the only obligation to fil or sil of side dishes etc. but he wanted a "hosted" even at a restaurant or gill type establishment. The home hosted bbq wasn't the right atmosphere. So I will admit I'm still a bit miffed as I think that would have been the best way to go but I know I've go to let it go  ;)