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What to do with passive aggressive comments?

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dayglowpeaches:
I'm really at my wit's end here. My friend of many years keeps making off-hand passive aggressive comments towards me and our friends. This has started in the past 2-3 years. It could be in the middle of a fun night out, or just talking, it's not always negative comments, but every now and then she drops a zinger...I'm having a conversation about how happy I am with this guy I started seeing, she jokes about how odd he looked when she first met him..."Oh, that's such a great jacket! You wore that to work? It's kind of casual isn't it, I mean for the office..."... I have one bad day at work and she thinks I should quit because the "work is too tough for me", things like that.  She always places it in the context of a joke or being helpful. I responded once, "That's a negative thing to say" and he accused me of being too serious and testy. I don't know what else to do.

MineralDiva:
"Oh, that's such a great jacket!  You wore that to work?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Well I'm just saying...."
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I had to clear it with you first."

dawbs:
"now why would you feel the need to comment on that?"

"what makes you say that?"

are my 2 favorites.

Of course, it might not be someone you want to continue a friendship with if he can't grasp why these things bother you...

Pixie:
Oh boy, do I feel your pain.   I have a "friend" like that.  Her big thing is that she is from Texas and I am from the north (Minnesota born, Washington raised) which makes me a Yankee.  Since she is, in her words, "Southern" this automatically means she can:
cook better than me
clean better than me
teach her children proper manners
be a better hostess
behave better in public
and the list goes on.  According to her, I should never be allowed out in public or have any contact with people without HER to guide me, because as a "poor, ill-raised Yankee"  I have no idea how to act in civilized society.  Yes, this is the same "friend" who dropped off her kids for a "couple hours" on Christmas Eve day 2 years ago (also my daughter's 18th birthday) and picked them up 17 hours later with no thanks or anything.... AND the same woman who ruined my Mom's recipe and then entered it in the fair with my Mom's name on it.    Yes, that same Mom who didn't raise me properly.

What have I done?   Well, I moved from Idaho to Texas, and I have slowly been weaning her off my friendship.  I now refuse to answer the phone every time it rings.... the phone thing is a whole issue in itself,  and I am no longer at her beck and call.  I also will either hang up when she insults me or my family, or I call her on it.   I am rolling up the welcome mat, and she is slowly getting less and less of my time.    I won't just end the friendship, as she has an UGLY temper and would run me down to all of our mutual friends and former business contacts of mine.   Actually, I am afraid of her, she is that unstable.  So I have been backing away slowly and not making any sudden moves.

Bijou:

--- Quote from: dayglowpeaches on January 06, 2007, 06:22:40 PM ---I'm really at my wit's end here. My friend of many years keeps making off-hand passive aggressive comments towards me and our friends. This has started in the past 2-3 years. It could be in the middle of a fun night out, or just talking, it's not always negative comments, but every now and then she drops a zinger...I'm having a conversation about how happy I am with this guy I started seeing, she jokes about how odd he looked when she first met him..."Oh, that's such a great jacket! You wore that to work? It's kind of casual isn't it, I mean for the office..."... I have one bad day at work and she thinks I should quit because the "work is too tough for me", things like that.  She always places it in the context of a joke or being helpful. I responded once, "That's a negative thing to say" and he accused me of being too serious and testy. I don't know what else to do.

--- End quote ---
I would be hard put to figure out why I would want to associate with her.

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