Author Topic: I want to look older  (Read 2784 times)

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MOM21SON

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Re: I want to look older
« Reply #15 on: March 17, 2013, 07:06:08 PM »
I was absolutely thrilled when I got carded to enter a bar when I was 40.  I still treasure that memory. 
Maybe you can look at how you present yourself (not looks).  You said your default is 'sweet'.  I don't know what that means or what behaviors it causes you to have, but you might look at whether they could come across as babyish or girlish.  Sometimes we respond to people in the way they seem to expect, and don't even realize it. 

As for cutting your hair, if you love it, don't cut it.  I know so many women with long hair and it doesn't =young, at all.  It's just another way of wearing your hair.  And there are do's you can wear that are not plain and down long (I haven't cut my hair since 1964 and I always wear it down.)

You don't have to answer but I am really curious/nosy.  That is 49 years without a haircut and if hair grows a half inch a month, that is one long head of hair.  How long is it???  I think long hair is beautiful in most cases, yours must be to keep it for so many years.

Yvaine

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Re: I want to look older
« Reply #16 on: March 17, 2013, 07:17:13 PM »
I was absolutely thrilled when I got carded to enter a bar when I was 40.  I still treasure that memory. 
Maybe you can look at how you present yourself (not looks).  You said your default is 'sweet'.  I don't know what that means or what behaviors it causes you to have, but you might look at whether they could come across as babyish or girlish.  Sometimes we respond to people in the way they seem to expect, and don't even realize it. 

As for cutting your hair, if you love it, don't cut it.  I know so many women with long hair and it doesn't =young, at all.  It's just another way of wearing your hair.  And there are do's you can wear that are not plain and down long (I haven't cut my hair since 1964 and I always wear it down.)

You don't have to answer but I am really curious/nosy.  That is 49 years without a haircut and if hair grows a half inch a month, that is one long head of hair.  How long is it???  I think long hair is beautiful in most cases, yours must be to keep it for so many years.

Well, I can't speak for Bijou, but when I say I haven't cut my hair in X years, I mean I haven't taken substantial length off but do periodically trim it (for split ends, etc.), which tends to keep it at about a steady length rather than forever increasing. I also think most people's hair just kind of...stops at a certain point and doesn't really get much longer. My hair grew pretty quickly when I was going from a short cut to long hair, but for both these reasons has stayed roughly the same length since. Even when I don't keep up with trimming, there is a point beyond which it never seems to grow--it's never reached my bum, for example. Other people's "stopping" lengths are shorter or longer than mine. I don't know why this phenomenon occurs. But Crystal Gayle is a really unusual outcome. :)

MOM21SON

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Re: I want to look older
« Reply #17 on: March 17, 2013, 07:37:52 PM »
I was absolutely thrilled when I got carded to enter a bar when I was 40.  I still treasure that memory. 
Maybe you can look at how you present yourself (not looks).  You said your default is 'sweet'.  I don't know what that means or what behaviors it causes you to have, but you might look at whether they could come across as babyish or girlish.  Sometimes we respond to people in the way they seem to expect, and don't even realize it. 

As for cutting your hair, if you love it, don't cut it.  I know so many women with long hair and it doesn't =young, at all.  It's just another way of wearing your hair.  And there are do's you can wear that are not plain and down long (I haven't cut my hair since 1964 and I always wear it down.)

You don't have to answer but I am really curious/nosy.  That is 49 years without a haircut and if hair grows a half inch a month, that is one long head of hair.  How long is it???  I think long hair is beautiful in most cases, yours must be to keep it for so many years.

Well, I can't speak for Bijou, but when I say I haven't cut my hair in X years, I mean I haven't taken substantial length off but do periodically trim it (for split ends, etc.), which tends to keep it at about a steady length rather than forever increasing. I also think most people's hair just kind of...stops at a certain point and doesn't really get much longer. My hair grew pretty quickly when I was going from a short cut to long hair, but for both these reasons has stayed roughly the same length since. Even when I don't keep up with trimming, there is a point beyond which it never seems to grow--it's never reached my bum, for example. Other people's "stopping" lengths are shorter or longer than mine. I don't know why this phenomenon occurs. But Crystal Gayle is a really unusual outcome. :)

That makes sense.  Crystal is exactly who I was thinking of.

Bijou

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Re: I want to look older
« Reply #18 on: March 17, 2013, 10:49:46 PM »
I was absolutely thrilled when I got carded to enter a bar when I was 40.  I still treasure that memory. 
Maybe you can look at how you present yourself (not looks).  You said your default is 'sweet'.  I don't know what that means or what behaviors it causes you to have, but you might look at whether they could come across as babyish or girlish.  Sometimes we respond to people in the way they seem to expect, and don't even realize it. 

As for cutting your hair, if you love it, don't cut it.  I know so many women with long hair and it doesn't =young, at all.  It's just another way of wearing your hair.  And there are do's you can wear that are not plain and down long (I haven't cut my hair since 1964 and I always wear it down.)

You don't have to answer but I am really curious/nosy.  That is 49 years without a haircut and if hair grows a half inch a month, that is one long head of hair.  How long is it???  I think long hair is beautiful in most cases, yours must be to keep it for so many years.
It reaches down to about the end of my tail bone.  I suppose it would have been very, very long but I never did even trim it and I think that makes the difference.  It probably breaks off or something.  I know it is feathery on the ends, and not straight across.  The weird thing is that it seems shorter on the sides than in the back.  I think someone on here told me that this is common. 
« Last Edit: March 17, 2013, 10:52:00 PM by Bijou »
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Yvaine

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Re: I want to look older
« Reply #19 on: March 17, 2013, 11:00:19 PM »
I was absolutely thrilled when I got carded to enter a bar when I was 40.  I still treasure that memory. 
Maybe you can look at how you present yourself (not looks).  You said your default is 'sweet'.  I don't know what that means or what behaviors it causes you to have, but you might look at whether they could come across as babyish or girlish.  Sometimes we respond to people in the way they seem to expect, and don't even realize it. 

As for cutting your hair, if you love it, don't cut it.  I know so many women with long hair and it doesn't =young, at all.  It's just another way of wearing your hair.  And there are do's you can wear that are not plain and down long (I haven't cut my hair since 1964 and I always wear it down.)

You don't have to answer but I am really curious/nosy.  That is 49 years without a haircut and if hair grows a half inch a month, that is one long head of hair.  How long is it???  I think long hair is beautiful in most cases, yours must be to keep it for so many years.
It reaches down to about the end of my tail bone.  I suppose it would have been very, very long but I never did even trim it and I think that makes the difference.  It probably breaks off or something.  I know it is feathery on the ends, and not straight across.  The weird thing is that it seems shorter on the sides than in the back.  I think someone on here told me that this is common.

I'm the opposite--if I just let my hair go, I have a chunk on each side that gets several inches longer than the rest.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: I want to look older
« Reply #20 on: March 17, 2013, 11:12:45 PM »
I keep picturing Bernadette from Big Bang Theory, though I notice not many people on the show mistake her for a little girl even though she does have a small, higher pitched voice (unless she's yelling) and is on the shorter side. 

She does dress as a pp suggested, with cardigans with either knee-length dresses or knee-length skirts.  Course you could also go with slacks. 



I've gotten this as well as I'm 34 and in the past often got mistaken as being at least 10 years younger.  I credit good genes...and the fact that I am short at 5'2".  :)  Though I think in the past I might have given off an air of being insecure and unsure of myself.  About 3 years ago we were in Home Depot and one woman who worked there talked to me like I was a small child, even though I was with my kids.   I went back there a year later, saw the same woman and she spoke to me like I was another adult and I think it might have been partly due to my having grown up a great deal and perhaps it showed? I dunno. 

I wasn't dressed any differently! LOL!
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Slartibartfast

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Re: I want to look older
« Reply #21 on: March 17, 2013, 11:20:27 PM »
I'm probably going to get slammed, but I think to look older you are going to need to cut your hair in a shorter style, drop the braid and maybe take a hard look at your wardrobe.

This is exactly what I was going to recommend - spend the money on a GOOD stylist, tell them you need to look your age, and get your hair chopped.  It takes some serious expertise to know exactly what to cut, but a more mature hairstyle will make all the difference in the world!  I say this as someone who had long hair for ages and all but shaved my head two years ago - it's since grown out (shoulderblade length, at least) but the difference in how old I looked was pretty drastic.

I was absolutely thrilled when I got carded to enter a bar when I was 40.  I still treasure that memory. 
Maybe you can look at how you present yourself (not looks).  You said your default is 'sweet'.  I don't know what that means or what behaviors it causes you to have, but you might look at whether they could come across as babyish or girlish.  Sometimes we respond to people in the way they seem to expect, and don't even realize it. 

As for cutting your hair, if you love it, don't cut it.  I know so many women with long hair and it doesn't =young, at all.  It's just another way of wearing your hair.  And there are do's you can wear that are not plain and down long (I haven't cut my hair since 1964 and I always wear it down.)

You don't have to answer but I am really curious/nosy.  That is 49 years without a haircut and if hair grows a half inch a month, that is one long head of hair.  How long is it???  I think long hair is beautiful in most cases, yours must be to keep it for so many years.

Well, I can't speak for Bijou, but when I say I haven't cut my hair in X years, I mean I haven't taken substantial length off but do periodically trim it (for split ends, etc.), which tends to keep it at about a steady length rather than forever increasing. I also think most people's hair just kind of...stops at a certain point and doesn't really get much longer. My hair grew pretty quickly when I was going from a short cut to long hair, but for both these reasons has stayed roughly the same length since. Even when I don't keep up with trimming, there is a point beyond which it never seems to grow--it's never reached my bum, for example. Other people's "stopping" lengths are shorter or longer than mine. I don't know why this phenomenon occurs. But Crystal Gayle is a really unusual outcome. :)

The "stopping length" is largely genetic, which is why people from some parts of the world (Pacific islands, for example) can grow amazingly long hair while people from other parts can't grow it long at all.  I didn't cut mine (other than bi-yearly trims) until two years ago, but it topped out at bra-clasp-length in junior high and just stayed about the same length after that.  My sister's hair looks almost identical to mine in color and texture, but hers is long enough to sit on  :P

Piratelvr1121

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Re: I want to look older
« Reply #22 on: March 17, 2013, 11:23:39 PM »
I plan on wearing my hair about collarbone length as long as I can manage it.  I love being able to wear my hair up. I've had very short hair before and it drove me nuts.  I like being able to pull my hair up into a bun or ponytail, though usually a ponytail.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

PastryGoddess

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Re: I want to look older
« Reply #23 on: March 18, 2013, 12:45:50 AM »
Nordstroms offers a free personal shopper.  While you budget may not be able to afford Nordstrom, they can show you styles and cuts that would help you to look older and more professional

Dindrane

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Re: I want to look older
« Reply #24 on: March 18, 2013, 12:56:34 AM »
Each hair follicle has a growing cycle. Hair grows for some length of time, then stops for awhile, and then falls out and starts over. The length of the growing part of the cycle as well as the overall health of your hair (whether it splits and breaks off, for example) are what primarily determine your hair's maximum length.

As far as looking older/your age, I do agree that some shorter hair cuts can look more polished (and thus more mature) than some long hair cuts. But personally, I think the difference is in how styled your hair looks. If your hair is long, but it looks like you have put it into a very intentional style (not just left it loose), I think that has more or less the same effect as a shorter hair cut. I think the reason many people associate short hair with maturity is because, honestly, getting an intentional-looking style takes way less time with short hair, so you're more likely to see it.

Otherwise, I agree with the other advice people have given you. I don't know if I look young for my age or not (people have mostly not commented on it), but I think I look more like the age I actually am now (almost 28) than I did a few years ago. I used to wear my hair very long and largely unstyled, and while my hair was healthy and in good condition, it wasn't flattering and it did make me look younger. My hair is shorter now (although I am growing it out again), but more than that, it has a style that looks like I did something on purpose.

I also have become a daily makeup wearer, and people do react differently when I don't wear it (like on weekends). I also try to dress in a more tailored style, and pay attention to what jewelry I'm wearing. I own some "real" jewelry, and do wear that pretty regularly, but I also own some not-real jewelry that I like. I tend to stay away from anything that looks obviously faked, and even in my less expensive jewelry, just stick to things made of genuine but less expensive materials. I am a big fan of pearls, though, since they go with just about everything, look great against my skin, and are a very classic accessory. Plus, my 18" relatively-large-pearl necklace looks awesome with an open-collared shirt.


mbbored

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Re: I want to look older
« Reply #25 on: March 18, 2013, 01:16:09 AM »
Thanks for the advice everybody.

I really like my longer hair, which reaches a few inches below my shoulders, since it's fairly easy to pull back and cheap to maintain, but I'll give up my braid and do more buns and twists. I also have a drawer full of tasteful neutral make-up that I've been neglecting recently, which I can definitely employ more. Now that I think about it, I am way more likely to get the kid comments on the day I fail put on makeup or braid my hair back.

I can also step it up wardrobe wise. I'm a grad student in the sciences in Northern California so anything but jeans really wouldn't work, but I can wear my more fitted pairs with darker wash for work and meetings, and sub out my sneakers and tees for more "real shoes" and button downs.

As for the email, I've decided to send the following reply:

"I appreciate the thought behind your email, however it came across as being patronizing. I know it may be hard to see me as such, but I am an adult, not "almost a real grown-up." It can be very discouraging when at every turn my youthful appearance is remarked on ahead of anything else about me. It makes me feel as though I am viewed as a child unlike other 30+ year olds that find themselves in a different body. And, even if I wasn't an adult, my contributions to the barbecue stand on their own.
I don't want this to turn into drama, but I need to share with you how I feel. I'd like to just move on from here and continue on as colleagues, with the mutual goal of benefiting our community."

Gyburc

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Re: I want to look older
« Reply #26 on: March 18, 2013, 10:08:29 AM »
OT - my sister-in-law mentioned recently that I look quite a lot like Bernadette from the Big Bang Theory - I hadn't seen a picture of her until now, and I have to admit, SIL is not wrong. I am short, have similar colouring, my hair is in a very similar style, and to cap it all, I also wear red-framed glasses. How weird.  ???

Back on topic, mbbored, I suspect you could make quite a big change simply by looking at your body language and trying to make yourself seem more assertive - for instance, try keeping your shoulders broad and standing up straight, lengthening through your spine. I do this kind of thing (as a 5' blonde) and it seems to work quite well. Not to mention, it's cheaper than a make-over! I think you've had some good ideas in terms of clothes, too. Would it be feasible to add a fitted jacket? They can work for casual and formal looks.

Re. your email, I would make it a bit shorter: 'I appreciate the thought behind your email, however I found it rather patronizing to be referred to as "almost a real grown-up". I am an adult and would appreciate being treated as one in future. Many thanks!'  This might be a bit harsh, though - you know her best.
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Outdoor Girl

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Re: I want to look older
« Reply #27 on: March 18, 2013, 10:10:10 AM »
I had pictured your hair a lot longer than what you describe.  I think a French braid with the end tucked up and under would be a good look, too.
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Piratelvr1121

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Re: I want to look older
« Reply #28 on: March 18, 2013, 10:28:21 AM »
OT - my sister-in-law mentioned recently that I look quite a lot like Bernadette from the Big Bang Theory - I hadn't seen a picture of her until now, and I have to admit, SIL is not wrong. I am short, have similar colouring, my hair is in a very similar style, and to cap it all, I also wear red-framed glasses. How weird.  ???

Back on topic, mbbored, I suspect you could make quite a big change simply by looking at your body language and trying to make yourself seem more assertive - for instance, try keeping your shoulders broad and standing up straight, lengthening through your spine. I do this kind of thing (as a 5' blonde) and it seems to work quite well. Not to mention, it's cheaper than a make-over! I think you've had some good ideas in terms of clothes, too. Would it be feasible to add a fitted jacket? They can work for casual and formal looks.

Re. your email, I would make it a bit shorter: 'I appreciate the thought behind your email, however I found it rather patronizing to be referred to as "almost a real grown-up". I am an adult and would appreciate being treated as one in future. Many thanks!'  This might be a bit harsh, though - you know her best.

I agree.  I used to work with a woman who was about an inch taller than I am and one day we were talking and she said "Well, you're taller than I am." She'd mentioned before that she was 5'3" so I said "Nope, you're an inch taller than I am!"  Well since we worked in a doctor's office, she said "Okay, let's get someone to measure us!"  So we did and she was surprised to realize she was actually the taller of the two of us, even if slightly.

I was told later by someone else when relating the story that it was likely because I don't slouch and stand up straight, as it can give the illusion of being taller. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

QueenofAllThings

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Re: I want to look older
« Reply #29 on: March 18, 2013, 11:39:44 AM »
Thanks for the wardrobe clarification. If you haven't already, mke sure anything that could be considered 'cutesy' is deep-sixed. Items like cartoon socks or sweatshirts, excess ruffles, pink, sparkles and frills must go. No sneakers unless you are working out - loafers or chic boots. A blazer or cardigan with your jeans, rather than a fleece or sweatshirt. Sophisticated color palettes in neutrals with a colorful accessory.

Also, for what it's worth, dark lipstick and, to a lesser extent, dark nail polish will always make you look older. If you can carry off red lipstick, go for it!