Author Topic: Not sure if I should get involved or MMOB - long story  (Read 4620 times)

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wolfie

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Re: Not sure if I should get involved or MMOB - long story
« Reply #15 on: April 04, 2013, 11:15:00 AM »
Does knowing this could be a genetic problem change the treatment options? If the problem is from trauma then X, Y or Z are proper, but if it is known to run in the family then A, B or C is also an option? If that is the case I would tell them you have this issue too and it can run in the family and you want them to know, just in case. Then stop back and let them contact you if they want to. If not then I would really consider what you (not your grandparents, but you) want out of a possible relationship and work from there.

EllenS

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Re: Not sure if I should get involved or MMOB - long story
« Reply #16 on: April 04, 2013, 01:08:34 PM »
I would ask, what is your goal?  Do you miss your relatives and want to re-establish a relationship with them because you love them, or want to make sure they know you are thinking of them?  Then send them birthday and Christmas cards.

I think your suggested letter about letting the whole family know your hereditary condition is OK - *as long as you actually DO send it to the whole family*.  Otherwise it is a manipulative game.

Honestly, if the level of snooping and manipulation you describe (threatening letters? lying?) is common in your extended family,  I think that your aunt's reason for living far away may not be about your uncle.
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LeveeWoman

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Re: Not sure if I should get involved or MMOB - long story
« Reply #17 on: April 04, 2013, 01:16:37 PM »
I would ask, what is your goal?  Do you miss your relatives and want to re-establish a relationship with them because you love them, or want to make sure they know you are thinking of them?  Then send them birthday and Christmas cards.

I think your suggested letter about letting the whole family know your hereditary condition is OK - *as long as you actually DO send it to the whole family*.  Otherwise it is a manipulative game.

Honestly, if the level of snooping and manipulation you describe (threatening letters? lying?) is common in your extended family,  I think that your aunt's reason for living far away may not be about your uncle.

I agree. Lilblu has done a great deal of checking on this situation over the years, and making some extremely judgmental assumptions, going so far as to dictate that her uncle needs to tell  him if his daughter is suffering from some supposed medical issue.

TootsNYC

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Re: Not sure if I should get involved or MMOB - long story
« Reply #18 on: April 04, 2013, 01:20:35 PM »
I'm kind of on the other side of this.  Years ago, our youngest brother dropped off the face of the earth.  Emails went unanswered.  Snail mail to his address went unanswered.  We heard and saw nothing from this guy until the day that a detective tracked us down to inform us that he was found dead in his room.  He was 39 years old and apparently died from massive self-neglect.   He lived less than 30 miles from me.

Apparently he was depressed.  I will spend the rest of my life wishing that I'd tried harder to reach out to him.  He had nothing in his room to lead them to his family, and none of his friends at work or anywhere else knew he had family.  That's how depressed he was - we didn't exist anymore. 

I say, track them down and find out what's going on.

I think one big difference here is that this was your brother.

Not your uncle.

bah12

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Re: Not sure if I should get involved or MMOB - long story
« Reply #19 on: April 04, 2013, 01:25:51 PM »
I agree that it's none of your business and in no way is it appropriate to tell your grandmother anything that you found out doing your internet searches.

I do think that if you wish to reestablish contact with your uncle and cousin, then you can do that.  You can email your uncle about your disorder "for his knowledge" and try to friend your cousin on FB (I'd even send her a PM letting her know about the hereditary disorder "for her knowledge".)  If they bite, they bite.  If they don't, drop it.

If they do decide to reopen contact with you, I don't think there's anything wrong with saying "grandma's been really worried."  But it's really up to them to decide what, if anything, to do with that. 

cicero

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Re: Not sure if I should get involved or MMOB - long story
« Reply #20 on: April 04, 2013, 01:27:23 PM »
I'm kind of on the other side of this.  Years ago, our youngest brother dropped off the face of the earth.  Emails went unanswered.  Snail mail to his address went unanswered.  We heard and saw nothing from this guy until the day that a detective tracked us down to inform us that he was found dead in his room.  He was 39 years old and apparently died from massive self-neglect.   He lived less than 30 miles from me.

Apparently he was depressed.  I will spend the rest of my life wishing that I'd tried harder to reach out to him.  He had nothing in his room to lead them to his family, and none of his friends at work or anywhere else knew he had family.  That's how depressed he was - we didn't exist anymore. 

I say, track them down and find out what's going on.

I think one big difference here is that this was your brother.

Not your uncle.

Another difference is that OP KNOWS that they are alive.

I am sorry for your pain, LadyJaneinMD, that must be something extremely painful and difficult to live with.

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