General Etiquette > Family and Children

Third (but also first) baby shower

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I will admit I don't ge the whole "why does it matter who throws a shower" bit being tacky.    Times have changed. 

I have three children.  First child, I had three showers given for me.  One by my parents, one by his parents and one by co-workers.  Sex unknonw.  Second child, sex was a girl.  My parents threw me a shower and my co-workers also threw me a shower.  Third child, second marriage, sex also a girl.  My mom again threw me a shower. 

Did I expect or request any of my showers?  No.  Did I appreciate each and every one of them?  You betcha.

Originally, I believe showers were meant to help start a young couple with needed items.

Today, I think it is more of celebrating the birth of a new child.   No matter that we may have things from our previous child, why wouldn't we celebrate the life of an additional child?  Of course, we do not always need the big items any longer, but one can always use diapers, bibs, spit up clothes, onesies, etc.  Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, that darn spit up never completely comes out of those clothes.

I now have a grandchild of my own.  She is five.  She will probably be the only one for a while due to ages and circumstances of my three children, but no matter what, I intend to celebrate each and every one I might have in the future also. 

If those I might invite to a shower choose not to come, that is fine.  That is their choice for whatever reason.  I am not going to judge anyone over their morals or beliefs. 

As to your situation, this is your brother's first child.  This is your mother's first grandchild from her son.  She is estactic.  I don't see evidence of a gift grab either.  You don't have to get anything big or outrageous.  Diapers and onesies are a perfect gift for any newborn babe.

I think what's going on is fine.  It's his first child.  Your Mom may be committing a slight faux pas by throwing the shower herself--but as others have suggested, that is simply the excitement of a grandchild, etc.

However, I will add--PLEASE don't bring anything to the hospital that they will then have to cart home.  When you're coming home, it's burden enough trying to gather all your stuff together, get your own act going, and deal with a brand-new infant.  Deliver it to their home or shortly before the birth (if that doesn't go against custom in your family).  And please wait to be invited.  Not everyone wants company at the hospital.


--- Quote from: Roe on March 18, 2013, 07:55:27 AM ---This is your brother's first baby.  Be excited for them.

--- End quote ---

This.  If it is more important to the OP to ensure that everyone knows that she has the etiquette rules memorized, then by all means protest and make it known the family members are uncouth and poorly mannered and boycott the shower.  I don't think that is that the OP hopes to accomplish, however, so yes, be excited for the brother and his family. 

OP here! To clarify a few things: my sister and I are planning a "Meet the Baby" bbq after my niece or nephew's birth. We fully expect people to wish to bring gifts but absolutely no mention is going to be made of this on the invitations. We will make ourselves aware of what the baby needs so we might tell people who ask. We are RIDICULOUSLY excited about this baby! I have three children, all over five and my sister hasn't got any so it's the first baby entering our family since my daughter. I can't wait to be an Auntie! But I was raised (by my step mother and gramma) to believe that a shower for any but your first is absolutely atrocious. Call it anything else and you're fine, but showers are for new mums only. 
@vltgrantham: I don't know why that didn't occur to me! I had forgotten the pain in the neck caused by stuff brought to the hospital!  I definitely won't bring anything but snacks for the nurses with me!

Missmarie, I'm with you on this one. I believe showers and gift registries are for first babies.

I think your plans for a casual, get-acquainted-with-baby bbq (no gifts required) is a better idea in this situation.

Still, this shower is already planned and is going to take place.

I wouldn't want to embarrass my brother by objecting to the arrangements, or by not showing up. It is what it is, and as you've said, there is a lot to celebrate and be excited about. I would attend with a gift, and that would be my baby gift (rather than taking one to the hospital or saving it for later).


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