Too early to the party/update #53

[Tabby Uprising]

If she was deliberately and habitually 30 minutes early to events like this, I'd be more inclined to call her rude.  For a one time instance?  I'd rather chalk it up to a mistake.  It could be she just over-estimated her travel time.  Maybe she didn't know the area and wanted some buffer should she get lost or hit traffic. 

[Luci]

Lowspark, you said in the update that there were multiple shopping oportunities around the area. Well, I hate to shop, and far before people knew how bad my back was, I couldn't stand on my feet and move slowly for a shopping situation for 1/2 hour, although I could walk at a brisk pace for 2 miles or just sit for 3 hours.

I'm glad you undrstood that she could have been early for traffic and unfamiliar territory reasons, but I'm not sure I would have waited in my car - the weather is rarely conducive to sitting in a car - usually too hot, too sunny, too cold - and leaving a window open doesn't always help. I will never, ever, sit in my car with just the radio or a heater or fan going.

In your second to the last paragraph, you said you were uncomfortable. I'm sorry about that. You dealt with it well just by observing she was greeted and being fine.

[SamiHami]

I tend to think she was rude. There is a reason for a start time on an invitation. If it says 7 pm, then showing up at 6:30 is an inconvenience. She should have found some way to occupy herself elsewhere until it was time to actually show up for the event. The last thing harried hosts need while they are doing their last minute preps is someone showing up too early and throwing them off their game! Granted, in this particular case the early guest quietly sat out of the way, but that doesn't make it less rude.

[Yvaine]

Lowspark, you said in the update that there were multiple shopping oportunities around the area. Well, I hate to shop, and far before people knew how bad my back was, I couldn't stand on my feet and move slowly for a shopping situation for 1/2 hour, although I could walk at a brisk pace for 2 miles or just sit for 3 hours.

Most places with lots of shopping also have Starbucks (or similar) too.

[doodlemor]

Perhaps a family member or friend gave her a ride, and that was the only time that they would/could take her.  I've seen this situation at the beauty shop, and the operator does feel rushed when people show up way before their appointment time.

I think that she was a bit rude to show up early.  However, this was more in the misdemeanor range of annoying offenses, since she kept out of the way and it was a public venue. 

If someone showed up that early to a private home I think that it would be extremely rude.  I think that I've read some back threads on this.    Many posters in the past have said that people can be told to come back at the correct time.  I think that would be justifiable, but very difficult to follow with the elderly relatives who seemed to be the primary offenders in the threads that I remember reading.

[lowspark]

OK, I'll just comment that even in my house, no matter how uncomfortable or inconvenienced I felt by an early arrival, I would never ask them to leave and return at the appropriate time. In fact, at my own house, this sort of thing would be much easier to handle. For me anyway. I think a large part of the discomfort stemmed from the fact that we were in a place where we were sort of making do. We had to bring everything (food, drink, serving dishes & utensils, decorations, etc.) Plus the kitchen was down the hall from the room, not right next door, so we were back and forth carrying things, and making sure everything was set up properly. It was a lot of last minute stuff.

At home, I would have most of it already prepared and set up, and just be putting out a few things at the very end. At my house, I'd be able to offer an early guest a drink and a place to sit. In this situation, it was all I could do to just say Hi and be glad that the other hostess was stepping up to give a better greeting.

Either way, I would be taken aback, especially considering I didn't know the guest at all, but I think the circumstances we were operating in just made things way more hectic.

But turning someone away and saying, "come back later"? I absolutely could not do that.

[Venus193]

This is most timely.  Yesterday was Eunice and Steve's annual St Patrick's Day party at which I do most of the food prep (They have an annual art project whose deadline is usually just after the day).  The start time of the party was 3PM.

Steve was still setting up the bar, Eunice was coming back from the liquor store with a last-minute purchase and still needed a shower and her party clothes, and I was devilling eggs while keeping an eye  on the chicken a la king I had just started.  I still needed to change clothes and put on makeup. Two female guests arrived at 2:15, which pleased none of the three of us.  All the decorations were up and there was nothing I could have assigned them to do food-wise, not to mention that most kitchens in NYC apartments are not very accommodating to having more than one chef at work.

Both women live within two blocks of the hosts' apartment, so I have no idea why they showed up early.

[Lynn2000]

It seems a bit awkward all around, but I guess I wouldn't go with rude. 30min seems about the outside limit of "arriving early without being horribly rude," IMO, and she did sit quietly in the corner. Maybe she was sitting there thinking, "Wow, I didn't realize I was so early, I feel so awkward! Should I leave and come back? They all look so busy..." If she'd been getting in people's way and demanding attention, that would have been rude, but she wasn't, so... Sometimes awkward things just happen.

Totally different, but I once had someone arrive 30min early and I was rather annoyed with him. It was just the two of us and he had driven in from another city, and wasn't sure if he'd be able to find my place in time so he'd left extra early. So, points for that. But then 30min before he was due to arrive, he called and said he was in my parking lot. There was a definite expectation that since he was here now, I ought to come down and meet him now. Fortunately I was ready, but I think it would have been better if he'd occupied himself for 20min or so and then called. I had never experienced "being early" as rude before, so that was an eye-opener.

[Luci]

Lowspark, you said in the update that there were multiple shopping oportunities around the area. Well, I hate to shop, and far before people knew how bad my back was, I couldn't stand on my feet and move slowly for a shopping situation for 1/2 hour, although I could walk at a brisk pace for 2 miles or just sit for 3 hours.

Most places with lots of shopping also have Starbucks (or similar) too.

For me, the smell of coffee makes me violently ill, so no coffee shops. Most tea shops require one to order something and get rather aggressive if you don't finish and get out in 15 minutes, and often I don't want anything.

I stand by the guest did fine.

[Margo]

It strikes me as rude to show up so early. It does sound as though she did what she could to stay out of the way once she got there, and I think it would be much ruder if the party had been at a private home, but I do think it's rude to show up half an hour early.

[Danika]

Personally, I think it's rude to show up early if you don't know the hosts extremely well. Five minutes early, ok, no big deal because everyone's watches could be off. More than that, I think is rude. She could have waited in her car and read a book. If she took a bus, she could have walked around or stood outside near the venue entrance. I think the only time I would walk into a venue more than 5 minutes before a party would be if it were in a really dangerous part of town and I didn't want to wait outside because I feared for my safety. I realize this was at a venue, but still, I think it's rude whether it's at a home or a private venue.

When I have parties at my home, I prepare the food and clean the house. The very last thing I do is hop in the shower and change clothes before people arrive. If I've been cooking, I do it in ratty clothes with my hair up. I want to shower and change into clean dress clothes after I've done everything else so I don't smell like the cooking. If someone rings my doorbell 15 minutes before the party is to start, I won't answer it because I'll be in the shower. I don't have to worry about asking them to come back at the appropriate time because I'll be too busy prepping for the party to even open the door to tell them.

[sammycat]

Personally, I think it's rude to show up early if you don't know the hosts extremely well. Five minutes early, ok, no big deal because everyone's watches could be off. More than that, I think is rude. She could have waited in her car and read a book. If she took a bus, she could have walked around or stood outside near the venue entrance. I think the only time I would walk into a venue more than 5 minutes before a party would be if it were in a really dangerous part of town and I didn't want to wait outside because I feared for my safety. I realize this was at a venue, but still, I think it's rude whether it's at a home or a private venue.

When I have parties at my home, I prepare the food and clean the house. The very last thing I do is hop in the shower and change clothes before people arrive. If I've been cooking, I do it in ratty clothes with my hair up. I want to shower and change into clean dress clothes after I've done everything else so I don't smell like the cooking. If someone rings my doorbell 15 minutes before the party is to start, I won't answer it because I'll be in the shower. I don't have to worry about asking them to come back at the appropriate time because I'll be too busy prepping for the party to even open the door to tell them.

I tend to think she was rude. There is a reason for a start time on an invitation. If it says 7 pm, then showing up at 6:30 is an inconvenience. She should have found some way to occupy herself elsewhere until it was time to actually show up for the event. The last thing harried hosts need while they are doing their last minute preps is someone showing up too early and throwing them off their game! Granted, in this particular case the early guest quietly sat out of the way, but that doesn't make it less rude.

I agree with both these posts.

I tend to think arriving earlier than about 10 minutes before the start time is rude, or at the very least, inconsiderate towards the hosts/s.

[Surianne]

Since this wasn't a home, I'm sure she thought she could sit out of the way somewhere (as she did) without bothering anyone, and that it was better to overestimate the travel time and be early than underestimate it and be late.  I don't think she was rude; she did the best she could once she got there.

[LifeOnPluto]

Personally, I think it's rude to show up early if you don't know the hosts extremely well. Five minutes early, ok, no big deal because everyone's watches could be off. More than that, I think is rude. She could have waited in her car and read a book. If she took a bus, she could have walked around or stood outside near the venue entrance. I think the only time I would walk into a venue more than 5 minutes before a party would be if it were in a really dangerous part of town and I didn't want to wait outside because I feared for my safety. I realize this was at a venue, but still, I think it's rude whether it's at a home or a private venue.

When I have parties at my home, I prepare the food and clean the house. The very last thing I do is hop in the shower and change clothes before people arrive. If I've been cooking, I do it in ratty clothes with my hair up. I want to shower and change into clean dress clothes after I've done everything else so I don't smell like the cooking. If someone rings my doorbell 15 minutes before the party is to start, I won't answer it because I'll be in the shower. I don't have to worry about asking them to come back at the appropriate time because I'll be too busy prepping for the party to even open the door to tell them.

I tend to think she was rude. There is a reason for a start time on an invitation. If it says 7 pm, then showing up at 6:30 is an inconvenience. She should have found some way to occupy herself elsewhere until it was time to actually show up for the event. The last thing harried hosts need while they are doing their last minute preps is someone showing up too early and throwing them off their game! Granted, in this particular case the early guest quietly sat out of the way, but that doesn't make it less rude.

I agree with both these posts.

I tend to think arriving earlier than about 10 minutes before the start time is rude, or at the very least, inconsiderate towards the hosts/s.

I also agree. As a host, I would feel stressed, and obliged to accommodate them (ie offer them a drink, make small talk, etc) which would detract from my setting-up responsibilities.

It sounds like this woman had plenty of options (wait in the car, visit the shops, have a coffee, go for a walk, etc). I find it hard to swallow that not one of those options was feasible.

[Library Dragon]

This past Saturday I was attending an association brunch in a members home.  I drove around the block an extra time so I would not be more than 3 minutes early.  So....you can guess where I fall on his issue. At east she stayed out of the way.

I hate to have friends come early to parties "to help" without asking first.  I usually get them a drink and park them in a room.  We time things so that DH walks in the door 5 minutes before the party, coming from work or church, so he's not there.  The last 30 minutes is my time to shower, dress, etc. In essence my personal prep time has been intruded upon. 

Please don't arrive more than 5 minutes early.