\My DH has been involved with this gaming community for a long time. He knows people from all over. At this point, we do not invite anyone. They just all know that he lives in this area.
We have never had to specify anything before because we have never ran into his situation. Now we know that, going forward, we will need to be specific about a few things.
And Joe will never be staying with us again.
And it's time to give Joe the reputation he deserves.
Your DH should feel to state the facts of Joe's actions to the tournament organizers and to any other friends in the community:
"He arrived broke--not just with only a little money, with nothing. And announced this waiting for me to fill in the blank. When it was time to go home, he flat-out asked me for bus fare. When they came back from the tournament very late, he walked into my bedroom, where I was sleeping in bed with my wife, and turned on the light, then asked us if we had a charge for his phone."
And I might also suggest that your DH write him a letter and say, "Here is what you owe me. I await your repayment."
I don't have any excuses to make for Joe.
The other thing you two can do it stop allowing anyone to stay with you who hasn't *already* done so and who hasn't *already* proven himself to be a reasonable houseguest.
And you can have a set of rules. (but seriously--the rules that Joe broke are something that nobody should have to spell out)
This is the prompt that you and DH got (and the rest of us should learn from your experience without waiting for the zinger you got stung with) to be ready to say, "Joe, I have to leave for work. You can't stay here during the day when I'm not home. Be ready to leave in 10 minutes."
"Oh, you don't have any money? Well, there's a library about four blocks down; you can hang out there. I've got to go. Goodbye."
Because it's not your DH's responsibility, but it often takes us all an experience or two to get rid of that nagging feeling of "I should help."
I would bet almost anything that your DH gave him money because of the way Joe delivered the info.
For that matter, why would any grownup even TELL another grownup that they have no cash--none. I might say, "I'm going to have a cheap lunch since I have almost no money," as a conversational thing, but I sure wouldn't be accepting money.