Obligations to houseguest. (Long) small update #63 final update #72

[doodlemor]

At the risk of being a pessimist, I think that you and DH should have a plan ready to deal with him if he shows up unexpectedly.  The underwear episode shows that he doesn't take direction well, and tends to do what he wants to do.

[BeadMom]

Doodlemoor is right. He is bound to just show up to "crash" at your place!!!

[reflection5]

Possible.  He might just gamble that DH won't want to turn him away late at night with no place to go.  I would not answer the door if he shows up.  No more discussion.

[VorFemme]

If at all possible - someone either needs to be home to call the cops if he tries to come in without permission or have the cops drive by about the time he could get there from the airport, just in case he ignores the clear directions to stay away.

VorGuy had a ex-friend in 1988 who took a while to get the message through his head (he wasn't stupid - he just didn't want to hear that he was no longer welcome to mooch stay with us) that he'd be met with a less-than-friendly VorGuy if he dared show up, even if VorGuy's brother had given him the new phone number......

VorGuy's little brother also got an earful about giving out our unlisted number without permission or even WARNING!

[Amara]

Am I the only one wondering how this moocher guy is constantly able to afford plane fare and yet doesn't have money to pay his own expenses?

[reflection5]

The plane fare thing also occurred to me, and how does he get to (wherever) from the airport?  Or is he maybe expecting free transportation from airport in addition to free lodging and food?    He's flying in a plane to participate in gaming functions yet doesn't have money for food and lodging?

[snappylt]

At the risk of being a pessimist, I think that you and DH should have a plan ready to deal with him if he shows up unexpectedly.  The underwear episode shows that he doesn't take direction well, and tends to do what he wants to do.

I agree that this is entirely possible.  I've known people who just didn't get it.  Actually, I wondered if they just chose to pretend to not understand what they were told.  Anyway, having a plan ready of how you want to deal with him in case he ignores your "no" and shows up anyway is a wise idea.

[Tea Drinker]

I suppose it's possible that Joe Moocher is doing this trip on frequent flier miles (it sounds like he has been traveling a lot, and miles go to the person who travels, regardless of who pays the bills) and can get cheap mass transit from the airport (I could get to one local airport from my current apartment for $2.50, another for $7.50).

It does seem increasingly likely, though, that he is mooching because he (thinks he) can get away with it, and that any meals someone else provides, and any hotel rooms not paid for, mean he can use the money for something else.

[gramma dishes]

...   We received an email from Joe this morning asking if he can crash at our place next month.

There is no event in our area, but his plane has a layover in our area. He says that it will arrive at 10:30 am (on a weekday).

I helped DH send a response right away. I suggested "I'm afraid that wont be possible", but DH modified it to "Unfortunately, that won't be possible". He also said that he enjoyed working with him at such and such event and wishes him well in the future.

I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think "Unfortunately, that won't be possible" will be nearly enough to discourage this guy.  He'll find ways to try to convince your DH that "Oh, of course it's possible!" and both you and DH need to anticipate that that's likely to happen.

He's accustomed to people caving in.  He's expecting it based on his prior experience with the two of you and almost certainly with others as well. 

It's going to be hard for you (and apparently even harder for your husband) to stick to your guns and continue to let him know that no, you will NOT pick him up at the airport; no, he absolutely positively can NOT stay overnight (or longer) with you at your house; no, you will NOT be feeding him or giving him money for food at any time during his 'stop over'; no, you will NOT be providing him with any sort of transportation to or from anywhere;  and no, it will NOT be possible for him to get together with you for any reason during that time period.

[doodlemor]

...   We received an email from Joe this morning asking if he can crash at our place next month.

There is no event in our area, but his plane has a layover in our area. He says that it will arrive at 10:30 am (on a weekday).

I helped DH send a response right away. I suggested "I'm afraid that wont be possible", but DH modified it to "Unfortunately, that won't be possible". He also said that he enjoyed working with him at such and such event and wishes him well in the future.

I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think "Unfortunately, that won't be possible" will be nearly enough to discourage this guy.  He'll find ways to try to convince your DH that "Oh, of course it's possible!" and both you and DH need to anticipate that that's likely to happen.

He's accustomed to people caving in.  He's expecting it based on his prior experience with the two of you and almost certainly with others as well. 

It's going to be hard for you (and apparently even harder for your husband) to stick to your guns and continue to let him know that no, you will NOT pick him up at the airport; no, he absolutely positively can NOT stay overnight (or longer) with you at your house; no, you will NOT be feeding him or giving him money for food at any time during his 'stop over'; no, you will NOT be providing him with any sort of transportation to or from anywhere;  and no, it will NOT be possible for him to get together with you for any reason during that time period.

Absolutely, gramma is right.  You will hear from this character again.  From his past behavior, it seems that he does whatever he wants when he wants, and is totally inconsiderate of others.

I agree that you and DH should have no contact with him.  If he is at the airport without money, let him solve his own problem.  Isn't there something called Traveler's Aid?

Or, maybe he does have $$$$, as another PP stated, and would rather mooch so that he can get more of what he wants.  He may be even more manipulative and duplicitous that we all initially thought.

[Midnight Kitty]

I think he's "crazy like a fox."  Whatever impairment he may have isn't relevant to his scheming and mooching.  He's smart enough to get around, then clever sneaky enough to manipulate people into doing things for him that he would otherwise need to pay money to get. I would make sure I was home that night with the door securely chained.  If he called from the airport, I would tell him he is on his own.  If he manages to get to my apartment, I would tell him to go away.  The "free" store is permanently closed.

[Eeep!]

That is one loooong "layover". Your husband should have advised him to plan his travel itinerary better.