Author Topic: I Cannot Violate Federal Law Because Your Wife is "Special"  (Read 7811 times)

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Katana_Geldar

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Re: I Cannot Violate Federal Law Because Your Wife is "Special"
« Reply #15 on: March 19, 2013, 05:43:38 PM »
That's like the woman who attended pre-registration for kindergarten for her son the other night and tried to explain to the teacher (in front of the rest of the parents) that the teacher would have to let her son walk away from his desk and play at the fun centers whenever he felt like it, because he "didn't like to do worksheets unless he feels like doing them." So basically, the teacher has to wait until he is in the mood to do his classwork, but otherwise, has to let him break the class rules and do whatever he wants.  (While the other students follow the rules.)  The mom made it clear her son didn't have special needs, but they just raised him to "follow his instincts" when it comes to work.

DH and I walked out of the meeting and said, "Well, at least we know we won't be the problem parents next year."

Isn't that the Montessori style of education? Sounds like she shares this philosophy and thinks that she can request this of a traditional school.

BeagleMommy I think you did fine. You have no ethical or legal right to give him any information. The communication and financial issues in his marriage are his problem to solve. He just wants to pass it off on to someone else.

I don't think so.  She didn't mention a Montessori school approach, just that her son only worked when he felt like it.  Either way, the public school system isn't likely to accommodate her request.  Learning to follow rules and work when you're told are definitely core concepts you have to have down pat for upper grades.

I would go further and say life would be unable to accommodate their requests. I honestly wonder about the children of these SS parents when they're finally in the workplace.

artk2002

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Re: I Cannot Violate Federal Law Because Your Wife is "Special"
« Reply #16 on: March 19, 2013, 05:44:53 PM »
I took the conflict phrase to be an explanation for why she was asked to leave her internships and failed (and therefore why they should readmit her); there was conflict in her assignments that she couldn't deal with, not that there was a conflict about reapplying. Am I interpreting this incorrectly?

Not what I read at all. I read it as "She has no spine and refuses to speak up for herself (or I won't let her), so you have to deal with me and solve things the way that I want them solved -- so that she doesn't have to do anything herself." I read it that way because he delivered the "conflict" line in response to OP saying that she couldn't deal with him, rather that the student must deal directly with the school.
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Firecat

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Re: I Cannot Violate Federal Law Because Your Wife is "Special"
« Reply #17 on: March 19, 2013, 06:44:45 PM »
I think you handled it beautifully, OP. Does your workplace have a page on the website that explains FERPA, or a handout on it that you could give him if when he turns up again? 

ladyknight1

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Re: I Cannot Violate Federal Law Because Your Wife is "Special"
« Reply #18 on: March 19, 2013, 07:06:11 PM »
Since I work in the same field, I have experienced a few similar situations.

You did great, OP! "I'm afraid that is not possible" is perfect in this situation.

DavidH

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Re: I Cannot Violate Federal Law Because Your Wife is "Special"
« Reply #19 on: March 19, 2013, 07:18:19 PM »
If she is really that shy or unable to deal with conflict, could they come in and discuss the options with you together?  That way she would be there, but he could be involved too.  I don't see it changing the result, but it might be another option.

crella

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Re: I Cannot Violate Federal Law Because Your Wife is "Special"
« Reply #20 on: March 19, 2013, 07:32:52 PM »
I took the conflict phrase to be an explanation for why she was asked to leave her internships and failed (and therefore why they should readmit her); there was conflict in her assignments that she couldn't deal with, not that there was a conflict about reapplying. Am I interpreting this incorrectly?

I was thinking 'can't take constructive criticism' but I could be wrong.

blarg314

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Re: I Cannot Violate Federal Law Because Your Wife is "Special"
« Reply #21 on: March 19, 2013, 08:30:07 PM »

If the wife fought her dismissal up to the level of the university vice president, I suspect shyness isn't one of her problems. I suspect "doesn't deal with conflict" means "would act like an entitled jerk and screw up any chance of getting back in the program".

But I think you handled it well. A useful phrase for similar occurrences could be "I can't tell you that, it's against the law", repeated. That emphasizes that it's not you who is denying his request, it's legal requirements.

Minmom3

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Re: I Cannot Violate Federal Law Because Your Wife is "Special"
« Reply #22 on: March 19, 2013, 10:14:00 PM »
I took the conflict phrase to be an explanation for why she was asked to leave her internships and failed (and therefore why they should readmit her); there was conflict in her assignments that she couldn't deal with, not that there was a conflict about reapplying. Am I interpreting this incorrectly?

I took it as a personal conflict 'on the job', with somebody there, that she didn't handle well, and thus was asked to leave, and thus was booted from the program.  Heh.  Wonder which of us was closest to correct...

Argh.  Can't type!
Mother to children and fuzz butts....

Hillia

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Re: I Cannot Violate Federal Law Because Your Wife is "Special"
« Reply #23 on: March 19, 2013, 11:03:29 PM »
Casting my vote with the 'she can't handle conflict, that's why you have to talk to me and not her' camp.   I wonder if the wife is even that interested in returning to school; all we have is the husband's word for it that she wants to, and he's complaining that 'he' has a student loan debt and no education to show for it (i.e., he's not happy about her having a student loan but no degree).

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kglory

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Re: I Cannot Violate Federal Law Because Your Wife is "Special"
« Reply #24 on: March 20, 2013, 02:59:08 AM »
Sounds to me like what the husband would really like is for the school to forgive the loan.  That's not how it works, but I bet it's his intent.

Especially since it's the husband calling and not even the wife -- and she is the one who failed two internships in the first place -- I wonder if the wife really wants to be in the program at all.   

that_one_girl

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Re: I Cannot Violate Federal Law Because Your Wife is "Special"
« Reply #25 on: March 20, 2013, 07:29:24 AM »
My family situation required me to leave during the middle of my first semester of Nursing school. After speaking with the Director of my Nursing program at length, I was extremely grateful that she said I could start the program over and that she would do her best to hold a spot for me in the next cycle.   
It sounds like the lady in your case is trying to play the system, and not being grateful for what options she is offered.   

bopper

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Re: I Cannot Violate Federal Law Because Your Wife is "Special"
« Reply #26 on: March 20, 2013, 09:24:43 AM »
This is a forum for professors I saw mentioned here on e-hell that also might be a good place to ask this question:

http://chronicle.com/forums/index.php?board=25.0

BeagleMommy

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Re: I Cannot Violate Federal Law Because Your Wife is "Special"
« Reply #27 on: March 20, 2013, 12:38:33 PM »
I suspect (although I have no proof) that the husband is upset at having to repay a student loan when she didn't complete the program.  The degree program she was in is for a field that you have to deal with some of the most difficult situations (i.e. poverty, mental illness, drug/alcohol abuse, etc.) so if she can't handle conflict she was in the wrong program.

Director contacted the student herself.  I don't know if there was a response.

rashea

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Re: I Cannot Violate Federal Law Because Your Wife is "Special"
« Reply #28 on: March 20, 2013, 02:33:55 PM »
I'm not sure why you didn't suggest she fill out the form waiving FERPA so you could just talk to him. Sometimes, that's what's easiest for all involved.
"Manners change, principles don't. It's about treating people with consideration, respect and honesty." Peter Post

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ladyknight1

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Re: I Cannot Violate Federal Law Because Your Wife is "Special"
« Reply #29 on: March 20, 2013, 02:46:00 PM »
We don't allow the waiver at my school.

I had a similar situation earlier this term. A student had attended for two weeks, then withdrew from her classes and didn't feel it was fair for her to be charged for them. She had her boyfriend and parents call on her behalf.