Author Topic: I won't shake her hand  (Read 5680 times)

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Last_Dance

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I won't shake her hand
« on: March 20, 2013, 03:40:59 AM »
At the last elections, we got  New Party in Parliament: its members pride themselves in their intransigence and always going on about being "part of the people", not being professional politicians and how that automatically makes them better and what a "revolutionary movement" they are. 

The other day, as they were leaving Parliament, they were approached by another member of Parliament from a different  political party, who came to introduce herself.
Well, one of the members from New Party  ignored her outstretched hand and walked away without a word - at first. Then she went to her Facebook and basically gloated about refusing to shake the other lady's hand, saying things like "Did you think I was going to shake your hand and say it's a pleasure? Because no, it's not a pleasure."

I have no words.
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.

CrochetFanatic

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Re: I won't shake her hand
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2013, 05:56:39 AM »
I guess I can understand the feelings behind the actions, but that doesn't make them appropriate. 

Winterlight

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Re: I won't shake her hand
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2013, 08:55:12 AM »
Methinks Ms. Facebook has no idea how politics actually work- you have to build alliances. Way to burn a bridge.
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To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
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Mental Magpie

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Re: I won't shake her hand
« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2013, 04:34:11 AM »
I guess I can understand the feelings behind the actions, but that doesn't make them appropriate.

Ditto.

If it wasn't a pleasure, no need to say it was, just shake the person's hand and say hello. Definitely don't go gloating about it on Facebook.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Reika

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Re: I won't shake her hand
« Reply #4 on: March 31, 2013, 08:46:58 AM »
Methinks Ms. Facebook has no idea how politics actually work- you have to build alliances. Way to burn a bridge.

Exactly. They didn't have to say nice to meet you, but they could have politely said "Hi, Ms. X."

And bragging about it on Facebook is stupid. Sure, there's going to be people that say "You are so awesome", there'll probably be plenty more not saying anything, but thinking "Wow, that guy's a jerk, I wonder how bad he's going to be in his office?"

Twik

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Re: I won't shake her hand
« Reply #5 on: April 01, 2013, 10:12:37 AM »
Methinks Ms. Facebook has no idea how politics actually work- you have to build alliances. Way to burn a bridge.

I think it's quite telling that this is a new electee. I presume she'll either learn the ropes by hard experience, or else have a short and very frustrating time in politics.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Otterpop

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Re: I won't shake her hand
« Reply #6 on: April 01, 2013, 10:17:54 AM »
We tell our children how wonderful it is, in stable democracies, that power is exchanged through peaceful elections regardless of which party comes into power.  We see officials with differing opinions congregate together to get laws passed and measures enacted.  Even though they act with passion at times and heated arguments erupt, they can usually set aside their differences to act with civility.

This woman disregarded that.  I see her behavior as more fitting for one of those "banana republics" you see brawling on news clips from time to time.  If she wants to act out a personal "beef" she doesn't belong where maturity is required.

Snowy Owl

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Re: I won't shake her hand
« Reply #7 on: April 01, 2013, 11:46:12 AM »
I don't think it's wrong to prefer not to shake hands with someone.  There is one particular former politician I'd really rather not shake hands with because I have severe issues with practically everything he did.  I would however find a tactful excuse not to do so.  That said, I do think it's rude and unwise to go putting it on facebook and crowing about it. 

For a politician to say this in a public forum, it's extremely divisive.  Politicians (at least in the UK) are elected to represent their constituents, many of whom don't agree with all their policies and they have to represent those who didn't vote for them as much as those who did.  To refuse to shake hands with someone from another party is to intimate to the constituents who voted for that party that she doesn't have any regard for them.  This is not a good way to win friends and influence people and no politician should be burning those kinds of bridges. 
And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.

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Sharnita

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Re: I won't shake her hand
« Reply #8 on: April 01, 2013, 05:12:13 PM »
I think it is one thing for a private citizen to want to avoid shaking hands eith a politician. It is very different for somebody who had gone into politics to get sniffy over the matter.

lowspark

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Re: I won't shake her hand
« Reply #9 on: April 04, 2013, 12:13:55 PM »
Years back in our state election for governor, one of the candidates did exactly that. He refused to shake hands with his opponent. It made the headlines. That and other not-so-intelligent gaffes lost him the election.

As a politician, it's in your best interest to make yourself look good, put yourself above the fray so to speak. Refusing to shake hands with someone in the opposing political party only makes you look like a louse.

GratefulMaria

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Re: I won't shake her hand
« Reply #10 on: April 09, 2013, 07:27:44 AM »
Our town's high school sometimes hosts candidates for national office, with appropriate national media coverage.  One student who disagreed with a certain candidate's positions on a very charged issue refused to shake the candidate's hand and was publicly reprimanded (i.e., one of the teachers pulled student aside and you could see by the body language that teacher was chastening student; nobody else overheard). 

Topic came up in an informal setting with the principal a few days later, and when the principal said how inappropriate the student's behavior was, I responded that student was among friends and it's up to us as a community to teach people how to navigate situations like that with integrity and grace.

Mmirth

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Re: I won't shake her hand
« Reply #11 on: April 15, 2013, 11:36:52 AM »
I myself did not shake someones hand once.  For one thing, I was surprised that she stuck her hand out and expected me to shake it--I have always considered that to be something that men did. Oh, I did look at her hand and I was talking to her.  But still did not take her hand.  In retrospect, she was not and is not someone for whom I have any respect.  By her reaction It was clear that she was not happy that I did not shake her hand.  But I guess oh well.  Little I can do about it now. 

Now however.  I am a nurse.  Part of assessment of patients with head injury is neuro checks and part of that is grip checks.  In other words, squeeze my hand.  I did all of my assessment on a 40-something year old stroke patient and when I was finished he said: Really I am very strong. I can prove it. and he held out his hand.  I did not think anything about it, I took his hand.  And he then squeezed my hand so hard that he popped the little bone that runs from my little finger to my wrist completely out of place.  It hurt like anything from that point to about 2 weeks later. My hand/wrist was swollen.  My whole hand was considerably weaker to the point where I could barely write my name, let alone do charting and other paper work.  The patient laughed and laughed.  He carried on about how see?? It does not hurt and it feels really funny hahahaha!  Meanwhile, I'm in tears.  He did not think he had done anything wrong.  He went on and on about how his wife gets really mad whenever he does that to someone. It took over an hour for him to understand that not only was he wrong, that it DID hurt and that he was lucky if all I did was call police.

And now, I look a long time at EVERYONE'S hand before I reach out and barely touch their finger tips.  If that.  Sometimes I will say out right--sorry I don't shake hands.  Sometimes I will state why.

And I have always wished to this day that I had called police and pressed charges.  But I was a travel nurse.  And while nurses as a rule have NO recourse or support in a situation like that one, travel nurses have even less.

Twik

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Re: I won't shake her hand
« Reply #12 on: April 15, 2013, 11:40:27 AM »
I myself did not shake someones hand once.  For one thing, I was surprised that she stuck her hand out and expected me to shake it--I have always considered that to be something that men did.

Are you female? Because it's normal for two women to shake hands. Not taking it would be pretty much as if you said out loud, "You're not someone for whom I have any respect."

If you're male, it's unusual but becoming more common for women to initiate handshaking, particularly in business situations if they are the "ranking" person.

What the patient did to you was a sadistic assault.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

lowspark

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Re: I won't shake her hand
« Reply #13 on: April 16, 2013, 11:08:48 AM »
I myself did not shake someones hand once.  For one thing, I was surprised that she stuck her hand out and expected me to shake it--I have always considered that to be something that men did.

Are you female? Because it's normal for two women to shake hands. Not taking it would be pretty much as if you said out loud, "You're not someone for whom I have any respect."

If you're male, it's unusual but becoming more common for women to initiate handshaking, particularly in business situations if they are the "ranking" person.

What the patient did to you was a sadistic assault.

I agree with this. What the patient did was assault and I can understand why you might be shy of shaking hands for that reason.

However, in my experience, it is now, and has been for many years, the norm for both women and men to shake hands in business settings. It's not just a thing men do anymore. It is now accpeted practice that professionals shake hands upon meeting (for the first time and subsequently) regardless of gender, as a matter of routine. And everyone is pretty civil about it so the fact that this guy was out to prove something and wanted to hurt people in order to do so, in no way is representative of the normal hand-shaking practice that goes on every day in professional business settings.

Mmirth

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Re: I won't shake her hand
« Reply #14 on: April 22, 2013, 09:36:22 PM »
It might be normal for women to shake hands now, but when this happened, some 25 years ago, it was not such a common thing. 

As a some what ironic aside--I came to know this woman fairly well.   It did not take long to realize that she was dealing drugs and she became someone I have little to nothing to do with.

And as to that patient--I was most pleasantly surprised to find that the Nurse Manager spoke to him about his behavior.  And all the nurses who took care of him after that lead off with--if you hurt me like you hurt her, I will hurt you.  All of them told me he laughed at that--until he realized that they were serious about it.