Author Topic: How to let someone off the hook  (Read 3293 times)

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MadMadge43

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How to let someone off the hook
« on: March 20, 2013, 11:20:33 PM »
This has me scratching my head.

I had a photo shoot scheduled today with 5 volunteer models that were people I knew. I knew I really only needed 4, but put in the extra because it's volunteer because I "knew" one would drop out (I just had no idea which one). So one called before hand and asked if she could leave early, I said, show up and we'll get what we can from you until you have to leave. She was a no show, now call.

It was perfect, we had the right amount of people, one more would have been bad.

I may want to use her for other projects. Do I send her a message? Do I let her know she wasn't needed and I was covering my base. Do I wait for her to say something to me?

I don't want to stop communication and have her ignore me because she didn't show. I'm just at a loss as I know she's probably feeling guilty and I'm perfectly happy.

doodlemor

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Re: How to let someone off the hook
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2013, 11:29:53 PM »
Not showing is very wrong when a person has given their word.  I don't think that you should contact her about this, and don't let her know that she wasn't needed.

If you think that you might actually need her again, I think that you should wait for her to call you, and see what kind of an excuse she has.  She blew you off this time - if I were you I'd be wary of using her again.

WillyNilly

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Re: How to let someone off the hook
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2013, 11:40:21 PM »
Even though it did work out, I think you'd be justified in being annoyed she was a no show, no call. That's pretty terrible behavior.

But if you do want to let her off the hook, you might call her and say "hey I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I got a little worried when you didn't show up and I didn't hear form you.  You are fine?  Ok great. Well I'll let you know next time I need you... just gimme a call next time if you can't make it, okay?" if you come at from a caring angle she's less likely to be defensive or fearful, etc.

Winterlight

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Re: How to let someone off the hook
« Reply #3 on: March 21, 2013, 10:17:08 AM »
I'd be wary about using someone who couldn't be bothered to show or call off in future. Yes, you weren't inconvenienced this time, but she didn't know that and left you hanging. 
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Re: How to let someone off the hook
« Reply #4 on: March 21, 2013, 10:46:32 AM »
I would never use someone who didn't bother showing up or notifying me they weren't going to. Even when volunteering some professionalism is required from both sides and a person like this is showing none.
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dawbs

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Re: How to let someone off the hook
« Reply #5 on: March 21, 2013, 10:48:53 AM »
You planned for people potentially to be rude and flakey.

One of them was rude and flakey and your plans made it work out OK.

Kudos for your plan...but that doesn't change the fact that this person was rude and flakey.  I wouldn't worry about telling her she hasn't burned bridges--she's probably lower on your 'call this person' scale than she was before.  That's OK, call her if you ever get to that point, don't worry otherwise.

Girly

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Re: How to let someone off the hook
« Reply #6 on: March 21, 2013, 11:01:22 AM »
I am not in a photo-shoot type industry, so I do not know the standard (is there one?), or if it is different than 'normal' standards.

I'd just continue to plan like you have been, and if you do book her again, just ask her to please call you if something else comes up so you aren't holding anything up waiting for her to arrive and/or have to cover for her.

Hmmmmm

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Re: How to let someone off the hook
« Reply #7 on: March 21, 2013, 12:14:32 PM »
When using volunteers, beggers can't be choosers, so sometimes you go with some less than reliable people and hedge your bets. So I understand where your coming from on potentially using her for future shoots.

I'd send her a note saying "Hi, friend. I wanted to check to make sure everything is OK with you. The shoot went well yesterday. I'm sorry you couldn't make it but hopefully we can work together another time."

Lynn2000

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Re: How to let someone off the hook
« Reply #8 on: March 21, 2013, 12:29:52 PM »
Even though it did work out, I think you'd be justified in being annoyed she was a no show, no call. That's pretty terrible behavior.

But if you do want to let her off the hook, you might call her and say "hey I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I got a little worried when you didn't show up and I didn't hear form you.  You are fine?  Ok great. Well I'll let you know next time I need you... just gimme a call next time if you can't make it, okay?" if you come at from a caring angle she's less likely to be defensive or fearful, etc.

POD to this. Even though you didn't end up needing her, I think it was rude and unprofessional for her to not show up and not contact you, and generally I wouldn't want to use her again. I would go with the caring/concerned approach if you do think it's totally okay and want her to know that.
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TootsNYC

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Re: How to let someone off the hook
« Reply #9 on: March 21, 2013, 02:30:47 PM »
I'd be wary about using someone who couldn't be bothered to show or call off in future. Yes, you weren't inconvenienced this time, but she didn't know that and left you hanging.


True, dat!

And in fact, your response now will "train" her about what you want from her in the future.

You have the opportunity to treat you crappily again.

Or you might be able to teach her to honor her commitments (or to not make them in the first place).

If what you want is for her to be a potential model in the future but with greater reliability, then I might do this:

Call her and say, "Since you didn't show up at all, and especially since you didn't call me to tell me you couldn't make it, I can only assume that you didn't really want to be in this sort of thing anyway.
   "If that's true, I won't put you on the spot by asking you again. I don't want to impose on people. But if I'm wrong, and I've misinterpreted you, it would be too bad to cross you off the list, because otherwise I'd absolutely want to work with you. What would you like me to do?"

She sent you a big message that says, "this doesn't really matter to me." Your response is, "that's ok." But you shouldn't ignore that message.
« Last Edit: March 21, 2013, 05:51:23 PM by TootsNYC »

rose red

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Re: How to let someone off the hook
« Reply #10 on: March 21, 2013, 03:14:13 PM »
Even if you call her, I wouldn't let her "off the hook."  What she did was very unprofessional and even though it didn't inconvenience you this time, it may inconvenience someone else next time.  Letting her off the hook makes her think this is OK.  Even unpaid volunteers need to act professional.  They may need you as future reference.

Samantha

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Re: How to let someone off the hook
« Reply #11 on: March 21, 2013, 07:56:09 PM »
I've done some modeling in the past, and if I no called no showed for a shoot I had agreed to, there is NO WAY the photographer would have booked me for anything again. It's extremely unprofessional, and it doesn't matter if she is perfect for the next shoot, there is no way that I'd consider using her as she's already proven that she is unreliable.

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TootsNYC

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Re: How to let someone off the hook
« Reply #12 on: March 22, 2013, 01:21:30 AM »
So one called before hand and asked if she could leave early, I said, show up and we'll get what we can from you until you have to leave. She was a no show, now call.

Next time someone does this to you, cancel on *them* right away.

And your response essentially told her that you didn't need her.

So you have your part to play in affecting how it all came out.


Quote

It was perfect, we had the right amount of people, one more would have been bad.

Are you so sure? You could have sent someone home.

Margo

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Re: How to let someone off the hook
« Reply #13 on: March 27, 2013, 03:46:41 PM »
She was rude and unprofessional. After all, she didn't know that you's made contingency plans.

Depending on your relationship with her I would either ask her directly why she let you down, and didn't advise you she would not be coming, or alternatively follow WillyNilly's suggestion and frame it as a concerned enquiry (which implies that you assume something *must* be wrong as why, otherwise, would she have broken her word..?)

I would not use her again given she's shown herself to be unreliable, unless she does apologise and provide an explanation which you feel is reasonable.