Author Topic: Max number of guests before gimmepigdome is imputed?  (Read 5707 times)

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WillyNilly

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Re: Max number of guests before gimmepigdome is imputed?
« Reply #30 on: March 22, 2013, 02:49:12 PM »
I got an invitation last year for a baby shower that, while it was for a first child, just screamed "gimme pig" because not only did they include the registry info (which to a degree I can forgive because it seems some people just aren't aware of the etiquette) but they also said "If you cannot attend, you may send gifts to this address"   Nice...

I didn't go, not just because of the invitation, but the dates just didn't work out for me because DH was going to be out of town that day and like many showers, it was male and childfree and as my children are males, they had two strikes against them. *joke*.

When I found out my MIL wanted to throw a shower for me for my 3rd, I really didn't want to do it but DH practically begged me to cause he said it meant a lot to his mom to do this and she was excited since she missed the early years for my first two, or most of it anyway since we lived across the country that time.  So she was eager to be able to see this one more often.  So I caved and it wasn't too bad. She didn't invite any of the people who were at the last shower for my first, it was very small, maybe 7 people, most who were family or close enough to be family. 

On the other hand she did invite one of her best friends and her pastor who I did know, but not very well.

Actually its perfectly acceptable etiquette-wise for registry info to be included with a shower invite. Some people still don't like it, which is fine, but its not actually rude or inappropriate. This is only the case for showers however, because showers are A) not thrown by the person(s) receiving the gifts and B) because a shower is specifically a gift giving event - gifts are the entire main focus (hence the name "shower" - guests shower the GOH with presents).

I do agree though that the line about where to send gifts was gimme-ish and off putting.

Layla Miller

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Re: Max number of guests before gimmepigdome is imputed?
« Reply #31 on: March 22, 2013, 03:24:23 PM »
I was invited to a shower a few weeks ago.  My "invitation" was an ad in the local newspaper inviting all and sundry to the bridal shower.  Does a town of several thousand qualify as too many guests?  ;)

To my everlasting shame, I did not RSVP to give my regrets.  :P
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bah12

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Re: Max number of guests before gimmepigdome is imputed?
« Reply #32 on: March 22, 2013, 03:40:52 PM »
To summarize, what would make it gimme-pigish is expectations and attitudes.  The number of invitees (why judge someone for having a lot of family and friends to celebrate with?), their financial situation (irrelevent), etc don't matter.

Do they expect/dictate the gifts or are they truly grateful for whateve (if anything) their family/friends choose to give?
Do they throw tantrums if someone cannot make it or are they happy that they get to spend time with those that can?
Do they express disappointment at not getting the exact thing they wanted or do they express thanks for the generosity of others?
Do they expect to be the center of attention always (this even outside of parties) or are they also interested in the lives of those around them?
Do they whine or refuse to attend other celebrations/help their friends but expect everyone to be there for them or are they there for their friends and family without keeping score of what they've gotten in return?

I don't think we can assign arbitrary numbers (be in number of parties, finances, or total guests), make a flat rule, draw a line and say "those over there are rude, and those over here are not."

It's about attitude and expectation and those things can't be measured concretely. 

Girly

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Re: Max number of guests before gimmepigdome is imputed?
« Reply #33 on: March 23, 2013, 11:23:01 AM »
I think Gimmee Pig status would be earned if the total income of the couple is more than adequate to purchase the total value of the gifts.

Wow, really?

My husband and I do well, and could have easily afforded all of the gifts that were purchased for the baby for my baby showers. I didn't even know they were being planned! But because of that, I am a gimmee pig by your above definition?

Girly

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Re: Max number of guests before gimmepigdome is imputed?
« Reply #34 on: March 23, 2013, 11:25:16 AM »
I don't think there's a number per se, but an attitude. If you are inviting people because you love them, they mean something to you, and you want to celebrate with them, AND you can afford to host them, then invite as many as you want. If you are inviting them to up the gift count, and you are not able or willing to host properly (not enough seating/food/drinks), then you've hit gimme pig status.



I totally agree with this, thanks for saying what I was thinking!

kherbert05

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Re: Max number of guests before gimmepigdome is imputed?
« Reply #35 on: March 23, 2013, 11:34:15 AM »
I think you have to take local/family/church traditions into account. For example in situations like the OP, it could be that not inviting every female over X age is a major infraction of the social rules. In that case the two groups should not have been mixed - since the financial strain went to the OP and other women not part of the group.

THat is why I don't see a problem with having showers for different groups as a problem. The Mom in the Op's post might have been trying to avoid the multiple showers problem and that is why the groups were put together.
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twiggy

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Re: Max number of guests before gimmepigdome is imputed?
« Reply #36 on: March 23, 2013, 11:15:17 PM »
I don't think there's a number per se, but an attitude. If you are inviting people because you love them, they mean something to you, and you want to celebrate with them, AND you can afford to host them, then invite as many as you want. If you are inviting them to up the gift count, and you are not able or willing to host properly (not enough seating/food/drinks), then you've hit gimme pig status.


This ^^ I spent this afternoon at a shower for a 5th child. The GOH was almost embarrassed to be receiving a shower, and invited her mom, sister, and just a few friends from church. Some ladies from church threw it for her, and invited a few more ladies that knew GOH. To be honest, I had already bought gifts for the baby before I knew there was a shower being planned. Once I found out about it, I called up the organizer and asked what I could do to help. The thing is that GOH is one of the sweetest, most giving woman I've ever known. She is very involved in church activities, she's the first one to drop by with a dinner or cookies when a baby is born, someone dies, someone is ill, etc. She's very well loved, and was extremely grateful for everything that she received, even tearing up bc someone found her registry that she set up for the after birth discount. The shower ended up being hosted by committee because several women had stepped up and offered to host.

Strictly speaking, a shower for #5 is not kosher. But I wouldn't categorize GOH as a gimmepig, or entitled, or even face her towards the path to eHell, much less cast her in
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Venus193

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Re: Max number of guests before gimmepigdome is imputed?
« Reply #37 on: March 24, 2013, 07:08:15 AM »
I was invited to a shower a few weeks ago.  My "invitation" was an ad in the local newspaper inviting all and sundry to the bridal shower.  Does a town of several thousand qualify as too many guests?  ;)

To my everlasting shame, I did not RSVP to give my regrets.  :P

Did you ever find out how this turned out?

miranova

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Re: Max number of guests before gimmepigdome is imputed?
« Reply #38 on: March 24, 2013, 09:38:10 AM »
Wow, I totally don't agree with any comments about income.  The purpose of giving a shower gift is not to communicate "you can't do this without my help, so here's my charity".  It's to communicate "I'm happy for you and want to express that with this gift that you can use for your baby".    Presumably, people with higher incomes still appreciate that 2nd sentiment just as much.

Layla Miller

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Re: Max number of guests before gimmepigdome is imputed?
« Reply #39 on: March 24, 2013, 11:01:34 AM »
I was invited to a shower a few weeks ago.  My "invitation" was an ad in the local newspaper inviting all and sundry to the bridal shower.  Does a town of several thousand qualify as too many guests?  ;)

To my everlasting shame, I did not RSVP to give my regrets.  :P

Did you ever find out how this turned out?

No.  I didn't know anything about the person aside from seeing the ad in the paper, so I had no way of finding out how the shower went.
I searched for nothing on the Internet and got 175,000,000 hits.

TootsNYC

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Re: Max number of guests before gimmepigdome is imputed?
« Reply #40 on: March 24, 2013, 07:49:30 PM »
Wow, I totally don't agree with any comments about income.  The purpose of giving a shower gift is not to communicate "you can't do this without my help, so here's my charity".  It's to communicate "I'm happy for you and want to express that with this gift that you can use for your baby".    Presumably, people with higher incomes still appreciate that 2nd sentiment just as much.

Absolutely!

In fact, putting money into the equation to determine whether someone has been rude means that YOU are the one turning a shower into a fund-raiser.

Lindee

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Re: Max number of guests before gimmepigdome is imputed?
« Reply #41 on: March 24, 2013, 08:29:20 PM »
Coming from a culture where showers are only just beginning to infiltrate themselves, so I've not actually been involved in one,  I can't get my head around the idea of someone volunteering to throw you a gift giving party and you tell them you want to invite 80+ guests that they have to cater for so you can get gifts from people you can't be all that close to. (All your church group are close personal friends, I don't think so.)  No wonder the original hostess couldn't cope, how was she expected to fund this extravaganza?

Sharnita

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Re: Max number of guests before gimmepigdome is imputed?
« Reply #42 on: March 24, 2013, 08:35:07 PM »
Coming from a culture where showers are only just beginning to infiltrate themselves, so I've not actually been involved in one,  I can't get my head around the idea of someone volunteering to throw you a gift giving party and you tell them you want to invite 80+ guests that they have to cater for so you can get gifts from people you can't be all that close to. (All your church group are close personal friends, I don't think so.)  No wonder the original hostess couldn't cope, how was she expected to fund this extravaganza?

In most cases the hostess will indicate what kind of shower she is comfortable giving.  For example if the church group is invited she would know how many people are in it (and in the case of a large group from church there would probably be more than one hostess).

Lindee

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Re: Max number of guests before gimmepigdome is imputed?
« Reply #43 on: March 24, 2013, 08:46:55 PM »
In this case the original hostess was apparently a recent immigrant to the states and admitted she had never been to a baby shower so I can't imagine she was prepared for 100+ guest list.  I'm not surprised she didn't manage to get the organisation together. I can easily imagine the poor girl offering to host a teaparty in her house and being completely blindsided by a request for what is a major event to be funded by her. 

If everyone in the church group is accustomed to being invited to every, baby, wedding, engagement, retirement, whatever shower they must be buying presents/attending events all the time.  If they don't,  then the new mother is a gimmee pig.

Sharnita

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Re: Max number of guests before gimmepigdome is imputed?
« Reply #44 on: March 24, 2013, 08:54:09 PM »
In this case the original hostess was apparently a recent immigrant to the states and admitted she had never been to a baby shower so I can't imagine she was prepared for 100+ guest list.  I'm not surprised she didn't manage to get the organisation together. I can easily imagine the poor girl offering to host a teaparty in her house and being completely blindsided by a request for what is a major event to be funded by her. 

If everyone in the church group is accustomed to being invited to every, baby, wedding, engagement, retirement, whatever shower they must be buying presents/attending events all the time.  If they don't,  then the new mother is a gimmee pig.

I guess that depends on whether being invited = attending.  I know a lot of churches where they tend to have showers (engagement and retirement parties are kind of rare and not really gift giving events).  The showers are kind of set up as an openhouse type thing where people can drop in, there is cake, punch, some food but not a sit down meal.  People who are inclined to go and are available attend.  People who don't feel all that close to the individual, who have a conflict, etc. don't attend.