Author Topic: Christening gift quandary  (Read 5562 times)

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Bexx27

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #15 on: March 22, 2013, 10:52:46 AM »
I admittedly know very little about godparent etiquette, but couldn't it be seen as inappropriate and/or presumptuous to buy a cross for the older child? It's a traditional godparent gift and you have not been asked to be that child's godparents.
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Sharnita

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #16 on: March 22, 2013, 10:59:34 AM »
I do wonder how the mother feels.  Like OP she married into the culture and while she agreed to have baby christened I wonder if she fully grasps that younger child will be getting expensive gifts and attention from godparents from now on? 

MindsEye

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #17 on: March 22, 2013, 11:03:16 AM »
We are a different religion from Roman Catholic.  The religion is also mixed in with the overall culture and that is where a lot of the traditions come from.  The requirement is not a religious requirement as much as a cultural requirement.  If you are asked to be godparents, you have to either follow with the cultural requirements or respecfully bow out.  It stinks but there's no changing it. 

Honestly, given your updates, I would look for a way of bowing out of being godparents.

I hope that you find a good resolution, it doesn't sound like this is an easy situation.

ellebelle

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #18 on: March 22, 2013, 11:05:40 AM »
OP, I know which culture you are referring to and I understand how significant the Christening is the that culture (think wedding level as far as the size of some, for those who may not know).

I would make sure your DH understands that this event is not about the sister but about the baby. The gold cross has meaning and importances and it would (in my opinion) devalue this by giving an equal cross the the sibling who is not being baptized.
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rose red

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #19 on: March 22, 2013, 12:06:30 PM »
I agree with everyone.  It would be nice to give the older girl a little gift, but not a gold cross.

I'm also stunned by the cost of the cross.  I'm imagining all sorts of things on why, but I guess it's none of my business.

lady_disdain

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #20 on: March 22, 2013, 12:14:27 PM »
I agree with everyone.  It would be nice to give the older girl a little gift, but not a gold cross.

I'm also stunned by the cost of the cross.  I'm imagining all sorts of things on why, but I guess it's none of my business.

It comes down to tradition - why brides get an expensive ring, why some people give expensive Christmas gifts, why some the bride's parents give the couple a house, etc. There are plenty of traditions involving costly gifts. I know that sort of Christening gift would not be out of place here.

rose red

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #21 on: March 22, 2013, 12:22:13 PM »
I agree with everyone.  It would be nice to give the older girl a little gift, but not a gold cross.

I'm also stunned by the cost of the cross.  I'm imagining all sorts of things on why, but I guess it's none of my business.

It comes down to tradition - why brides get an expensive ring, why some people give expensive Christmas gifts, why some the bride's parents give the couple a house, etc. There are plenty of traditions involving costly gifts. I know that sort of Christening gift would not be out of place here.

Oh no, I'm not questioning why they are giving expensive gifts.  I'm wondering why that type of gold cross is so expensive.  Maybe it's 24k?  The brand name?  Jacked-up prices like wedding flowers?  I'm just a curious person  :P.  Sigh.  Maybe the answer is just the simple fact that gold is costly nowadays.

eta: I was thinking children's cross necklaces which I've seen for under $100, but a cross for Christening and to last a lifetime may not be a small children's cross.
« Last Edit: March 22, 2013, 12:33:30 PM by rose red »

LadyR

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #22 on: March 22, 2013, 02:49:09 PM »
I am with you - the cross is a special gift, related to the sacrament. I would also not wish to set up a precedent that every time one girl gets a gift, the other has to as well. Sometimes, we celebrate one, at others, the other (as long as both girls get their turn).

I completely agree. My older son has his baptism, he was given a gold cross from his godparents, as well as other baptisms. I imagine when the baby is baptised, he will also be given a gold cross and baptism gifts, but I don't expect ODS to be given anything, he already had his.


BeagleMommy

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #23 on: March 22, 2013, 03:08:14 PM »
POD to all those who've said it is unnecessary to purchase a cross for the older child.  This is a celebration of the baby's baptism.  It also would set a bad precedent by letting the older child believe they should expect a present every time the baby gets one.

cattlekid

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #24 on: March 22, 2013, 03:14:02 PM »
There are a few things that go into the price:

1.  Gold is just so ding-dangity expensive nowadays.  We've noticed that just in general, the price of jewelry has really shot up over the years.
2.  There are only a few places where you can get these types of crosses.  They are not the general children's crosses you can get in the average jewelry or department store.  You have to either go to one or two stores that are in the area or order online.
3.  These are crosses that the child keeps into adulthood.  I've seen people wearing the original crosses they received for their christenings, just on bigger chains.   ;D

Oh no, I'm not questioning why they are giving expensive gifts.  I'm wondering why that type of gold cross is so expensive.  Maybe it's 24k?  The brand name?  Jacked-up prices like wedding flowers?  I'm just a curious person  :P.  Sigh.  Maybe the answer is just the simple fact that gold is costly nowadays.

eta: I was thinking children's cross necklaces which I've seen for under $100, but a cross for Christening and to last a lifetime may not be a small children's cross.

lady_disdain

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #25 on: March 22, 2013, 03:53:53 PM »
A cross that is going to be worn for a lifetime can't be very flimsy and gold is at around $55/gram. I am making my niece's baptismal cross and it weighs 4 grams of 18k gold (and it is pretty delicate and lighter than most). So, straight off, that is $165 just for the raw material! Add in labour, waste (mainly from polishing), overhead and retail and it is very easy to reach that price!

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #26 on: March 22, 2013, 05:23:56 PM »
I think it would be lovely to purchase a pretty, inexpensive necklace for the step daughter -- something that is uniquely hers. 
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QueenfaninCA

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #27 on: March 22, 2013, 05:48:54 PM »
I think it is inappropriate to give someone an item of religious significance if the recipient does not follow that religion.

Sharnita

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #28 on: March 22, 2013, 06:04:04 PM »
A whole lot of other denominations recognize the cross as a significant symbol.

Tia2

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #29 on: March 22, 2013, 06:27:39 PM »
The giving of the cross seems to be a fairly major religious ritual.

Perhaps you could put it to your husband that it would be incredibly presumptious to give such an item to the older daughter - as far as I can tell, there is no suggestion you have been asked to be godparents to this child and as this is a gift that is only given by godparents you would be usurping the parents right to choose.

There was a poster a while back who had an acquaintance who intended to tell her child to call him by a name that was only used by close family in her culture.  Everyone agreed this was rude and boundary crossing.  While I'm sure your DH has the best of intentions, he is coming perilously close to doing the same thing.