Author Topic: Christening gift quandary  (Read 5310 times)

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Yvaine

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #30 on: March 22, 2013, 06:56:52 PM »
A whole lot of other denominations recognize the cross as a significant symbol.

It sounds like this may be a very specific type of cross--some churches have their own variant on the cross that is exclusive to them.

YummyMummy66

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #31 on: March 22, 2013, 08:19:42 PM »
You state in dh's culture, he is to provide the christening outfit, candle and a gold cross.  Have you discussed this with the parents?

When my daughter was christened or babytized, I provided the outfit.  I would not want someone else providing this for me.  In our church, (Lutheran), the candle was provided by the church.  As for a gold cross on a chain for an infant, I'm sorry, but I see this as a waste of money.  There is no way my infant would wear that, (think infant, think getting chain wrapped around baby's neck, not a good combo) and the amount of money you are talking about, I don't see a necklace being a suitable gift for an infant.  (wanted to come back after reading all posts...I now can understand gold cross for this christening as you did state they wear them when adults).

But, that part is your choice.  The gown and candle you might want to inquire about.

As to the stepsister, no.  Unless, she is also getting baptized, I would not provide the same gifts for her.  This is the infants day and the stepsister should be old enough to understand that.  I might get her a nice book to read that she might like, because I am sure she might like something to do when everyone is congratulating the baby usually at an event after the christening.
« Last Edit: March 22, 2013, 08:23:37 PM by YummyMummy66 »

wolfie

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #32 on: March 22, 2013, 08:22:13 PM »
I think you should be very careful about giving things to the step sister on the baby's special events. Are you also planning on giving equal gifts to the baby on the step-sister's events? Because otherwise you might set up a precedent where step sister gets celebrated on her events and the sister's events, while sister only gets her events. I also think that people should be allowed to celebrate their special events without having to give tokens to other people. That is part of life - you don't get something just because someone else is celebrating.

Yvaine

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #33 on: March 22, 2013, 08:24:42 PM »
You state in dh's culture, he is to provide the christening outfit, candle and a gold cross.  Have you discussed this with the parents?

When my daughter was christened or babytized, I provided the outfit.  I would not want someone else providing this for me.  In our church, (Lutheran), the candle was provided by the church.  As for a gold cross on a chain for an infant, I'm sorry, but I see this as a waste of money.  There is no way my infant would wear that, (think infant, think getting chain wrapped around baby's neck, not a good combo) and the amount of money you are talking about, I don't see a necklace being a suitable gift for an infant.

I get the idea the cross is for the baby to wear when she's older, not necessarily right now. The OP said that many people keep them into adulthood. So while I have my qualms about the expense of these traditions, I do get the idea it's meant to be an item that is treasured for decades.

LadyR

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #34 on: March 23, 2013, 01:10:30 AM »
You state in dh's culture, he is to provide the christening outfit, candle and a gold cross.  Have you discussed this with the parents?

When my daughter was christened or babytized, I provided the outfit.  I would not want someone else providing this for me.  In our church, (Lutheran), the candle was provided by the church.  As for a gold cross on a chain for an infant, I'm sorry, but I see this as a waste of money.  There is no way my infant would wear that, (think infant, think getting chain wrapped around baby's neck, not a good combo) and the amount of money you are talking about, I don't see a necklace being a suitable gift for an infant.  (wanted to come back after reading all posts...I now can understand gold cross for this christening as you did state they wear them when adults).


I think that the father is a part of DH's culture and that the OP and her DH have been appraised of what is expected, thus the gown and candle and specific cross. My son was given a gold cross as a baptism gift, but not one for a baby, one meant for a teenager or man and we've set it aside for him. He wore his father's baptism gown, but his godparents provided the sweet little white sleeper he wore under it.


sweetonsno

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #35 on: March 23, 2013, 05:22:11 AM »
I agree that it would be inappropriate for your DH to get the stepsister a cross necklace of her own in this instance. She is not being baptized into the faith, and your DH is not her godfather. I admire his devotion to this little girl, however. I think it would be nice to mark the occasion with a small gift. (Save the expensive cross for her next spiritual milestone.)

I'm sorry if I missed it, but how old is the stepsister? If she is old enough to enjoy simple jewelry, maybe your DH could get her an Amy Peters necklace. The nice thing about her pieces is that they have good messages. If she's too young to wear jewelry (or still young enough that she prefers "dress-up" jewelry), I like the PP's idea of getting her a little gift. A beading set would be nice.

cattlekid

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #36 on: March 24, 2013, 02:51:13 PM »
OP here with a few answers and another wrinkle to the story!

DH and the baby's father are of the same culture and grew up together in the same social circle.  I and the baby's mother are not of this culture. But when you marry into this culture, it is expected that you preserve the traditions as much as possible.  So even though there will be no big party afterwards, we are still pretty much following along with the standard traditions. 

The stepsister is 7 years old.  I like the idea of giving her some other sort of jewelry (she does like girly things). 

However, here's where the wrinkle starts....the baby's mother is also converting to this religion so she is being christened as well.  We were not 100% aware until yesterday that we were also going to be the mother's godparents.  That's a little odd in and of itself because we are the same age.   ::)  The kicker...the mother's christening is next Sunday (3/31 - not Easter in our religion).  So I had to do a little fast purchasing on the Internet to get both crosses (mom and baby) to make sure they will be here by Sunday.  I am not buying a christening outfit for the mom, she's an adult and can pick out her own clothes LOL 

So now, I'm not sure if I should purchase a gift for the stepsister at all.  I'm thinking maybe some sort of charm necklace and I can add a charm for each of the christenings?  We already did the "big sister" book idea when we first met the baby and her sister. 

Sharnita

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #37 on: March 24, 2013, 02:56:14 PM »
I definitely would get something for stepsister.

mmswm

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #38 on: March 24, 2013, 02:56:29 PM »
I think a charm necklace or bracelet for the older sister is a lovely idea.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

jemma

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #39 on: March 24, 2013, 04:54:51 PM »
I'm envisioning you as being Greek Orthodox or something. Where the line between religion and culture is blurry because people who convert religions stop identifying with the culture?  If so, I'd get the adult a simple cross and also your favorite prayer book.  It can be much less nice than the baby gift.  Nothing for big sister, unless she is converting too.  If so, a children's prayer book would be appropriate for her.  It diminishes the importance of the baptism to make a fuss about someone who is not participating in it, and some people will definitely disapprove about getting big sister somethng in that case.

I wish you well with budgeting and your husband.  You can remind him that whatever culture it is has always had poor people, so ostentatious gifts have never been required. That is more a marriage issue than etiquette though!  Good luck. 


Sharnita

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #40 on: March 24, 2013, 05:00:16 PM »
I think that you can get sis a little something without "making a fuss".  And as far as her conversion, she might have a father of her own who objects to that. In most Christian churches one baptism is it so while OP indicate that she didn't know if sis had been baptized and that re-christening in the church was expected for conversion, sis's dad might not be cool with her original baptism and godparents being dismissed. 

jemma

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #41 on: March 24, 2013, 05:11:12 PM »
I guess if I were in this situation, I would be trying to make it as little about being an entire family's Santa as possible.  At the very least make it a prayer book rather than a toy.  If cattlekid's line in the sand is that everything must be a religious gift, I think she'll save lots of money and fighting in the future.  That could even make big sis feel more connected to the situation.  She can read unlike the new baby, so she can have something more like mom.  I just don't see anything big sis has done to deserve a gift, and I would not be doing extra just because gifts for people who are not my god children given her worries about how much she will have to get goddaughter over the years.

Sharnita

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #42 on: March 24, 2013, 05:17:23 PM »
I don't think gifts are given  or not because somebody has earned/deserved them. Otherwise they would be pay or rewards as opposed to gifts.  Even baptism is supposed to have spiritual rewards as opposed to material ones so I wouldn't say that getting baptises is an act that earns one a gift, especially since the baby has not opted in/out and yet gets a valuable gift. 

Marbles

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Re: Christening gift quandary
« Reply #43 on: March 28, 2013, 03:52:03 AM »
I would give the stepsister a nice bracelet or non-religious necklace. Pick something nice, but not pricey. If and when she is baptised in this faith, her own godparents can give her the appropriate cross.