Author Topic: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!  (Read 17630 times)

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Knitterly

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #30 on: March 22, 2013, 12:31:30 PM »
As annoyed as she probably is at the thought of having to look for a new place and move, I imagine that whole "now I'm going to have to pay rent" thing is the real reason she's upset.

If we had mutual friends I would not appreciate being made to look bad. I would reply to her FB post "As Hawk said, we are only planning to look at a house, and not for two more months. Even if we did decide to put in an offer it would be several more months before we sold the house you're staying in. We wanted to give you as much notice as possible, which is why Hawk mentioned it. Worst case scenario you've got 6 months to prepare. We thought keeping you in the loop was the kind thing to do but if it stresses you out we can wait and only mention it when we're ready to list the house."

I might consider privately letting her know that I thought I was being a good friend by letting her live in my home for free and I don't appreciate being publicly called out like a jerk.
I would be extremely tempted to publicly let her know that. 

OP, I can see why you are hurt.  That was an incredibly rude and hurtful reaction to your generosity in letting them use your house rent free.

Like others have suggested, I think this conversation needs to happen face-to-face, in spite of the risk of you getting upset.  Maybe you can go out and have a coffee somewhere?

If she begins to rant and you begin to feel yourself sliding towards getting angry or upset, maybe you could just respond with "I am finding myself feeling upset with the direction this conversation is going.  Hawk and I have given you the use of our home for nothing more than the cost of utilities.  We've been really generous with you.  I'd prefer to continue this conversation when we've both calmed down."
If she continues, just say "No, I am feeling very hurt and I can't keep going with this conversation.  I will talk to you later."  Then walk away.

I'm sorry she is being so horribly ungrateful.  :(

And the kicker (that I just found out this morning) is that Mark told The Hawk that he and Rien were planning on starting to house-hunt right after the wedding anyway. *sigh*

I'd be tempted to respond to her post with "I know, Mark said you were planning to start house hunting. How exciting!"
Or this (which was posted while I was typing).  This is good, too. :)

Snooks

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #31 on: March 22, 2013, 02:54:56 PM »
I think it's time you got some real tenants into the house, this arrangement sounds like it could go south very quickly.  I also like the suggested FB responses of super excitement.

Mikayla

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #32 on: March 22, 2013, 03:31:16 PM »
As annoyed as she probably is at the thought of having to look for a new place and move, I imagine that whole "now I'm going to have to pay rent" thing is the real reason she's upset.

If we had mutual friends I would not appreciate being made to look bad. I would reply to her FB post "As Hawk said, we are only planning to look at a house, and not for two more months. Even if we did decide to put in an offer it would be several more months before we sold the house you're staying in. We wanted to give you as much notice as possible, which is why Hawk mentioned it. Worst case scenario you've got 6 months to prepare. We thought keeping you in the loop was the kind thing to do but if it stresses you out we can wait and only mention it when we're ready to list the house."

I might consider privately letting her know that I thought I was being a good friend by letting her live in my home for free and I don't appreciate being publicly called out like a jerk.

I like this, especially the bolded.  I get what people using the "happy response" are saying, but if a good friend of mine jerked me around this way, I'd feel uncomfortable not addressing it.  I'd also take it a little further and ask her what she hoped to achieve by handling it that way. 

snowdragon

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #33 on: March 22, 2013, 03:48:07 PM »
To me this all begs the question, If she is so furious with you, are you still a bridesmaid? And are you still willing if she even still wants that.

CakeBeret

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #34 on: March 22, 2013, 04:02:43 PM »
If I were Rein, I would be regularly kissing your feet for giving me a long-term place to live rent free, not publicly b*tching about you on FB. That takes some gall.

I would give her 24 hours to calm down, and then I would call her on it. Publicly and privately. I like JenJay's suggestion.
"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

Tia2

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #35 on: March 22, 2013, 05:08:44 PM »
I think this is a living example of the idea that if you give people things, at first they are very grateful, then somewhat grateful and then the gratitude wears off and they start to feel entitled.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #36 on: March 22, 2013, 06:21:12 PM »
I would wait to see if anyone responds to her post. If there are no comments on her post then just follow up with her via phone and let her know how you feel. If there are comments and they are in the vein of "poor stressed Rien" then feel free to post a response. 

Awestruck Shmuck

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #37 on: March 22, 2013, 06:39:48 PM »
I would have such a hard time not responding to that Vaguebook post  especially since she's not responding to other methods of communication!...Every example I come up with sounds obnooxious, but what about...nope, that's obnoxious too.

I love facebook, when I get to see photos of loved ones I can't see in person too often, or random chat sessions with old friends - but fb MAKES drama, where there was none. If your friend had written this in a notebook instead, she would realise how drastically she is overreacting.

Don't chase this chick. and if she hasn't cooled her jets in a month, send her a rent bill. I understand doing something so generous for a friend, or for someone who really needs it - but she's planning a wedding, chances are she's not struggling to put food on the table!! (I know, weddings can be expensive, I'm planning one myself - but bills and expenses get paid first!).

Hope you get the house you love though! :)

sammycat

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #38 on: March 22, 2013, 08:36:46 PM »
Ok. Wait.  Instead of THANKING YOU and being grateful that you have let live them in your house for free all this time, she is complaining about you on Facebook?

Maybe she was blindsided.  Maybe.  I don't think so. I think she's a self-centered ungrateful person.  Friend?  I think she's got some apologizing to do before I'd give her that title again.

If I were Rein, I would be regularly kissing your feet for giving me a long-term place to live rent free, not publicly b*tching about you on FB. That takes some gall.

I would give her 24 hours to calm down, and then I would call her on it. Publicly and privately. I like JenJay's suggestion.

I agree!

I am appalled at Rien's attitude/reaction.  Had you done me this enormous favour, I'd be silently thanking you every day!

Millions of couples get married and move house at the same time. Why is she so special that she should be the exception?  Oh wait. She isn't.

YummyMummy66

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #39 on: March 22, 2013, 08:40:45 PM »
Did they know that you might be selling the house one day?

Why don't they choose to buy said house that they have been having a sweet deal on?  for how long?  If they have only been paying utilities, (no mortgage?  no taxes?), then there should have been plenty of time to save for a down payment on their own home.

Have you thought of asking them if they wish to purchase this home, since they are already living in it?  If this is an idea you might have, I would first get it it appraised, (not telling them why, just stating tht it needs to be done to possibly sell home), and then go to them with an offer of how much you are willing to accept?

I would not email, facebook, etc. unless Rien will not talk to you by phone.  I would wait a week or so, and think of a calm reply.

Somethng along the lines of, "Rien, there seems to have been some miscommunication.  I would like to clear this up if possible.  First off, start with what was actually said to her other half about the possible selling of the house and state what  is true.  Then, I would call her out on her FB status and let her know that you were really hurt by this.  You understand she might have have been upset by the miscommunication, but she should have called you first and discussed it before saying those things to everyone about you that can now never be taken back.  And you think it is really poor taste, especailly when you offered your home to them with only paying utilities.   Where else would she have found this kind of deal?   You hope that you can get together to talk and discuss this situation to eliminate any further communications."

PastryGoddess

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #40 on: March 22, 2013, 08:56:31 PM »
Did they know that you might be selling the house one day?

Why don't they choose to buy said house that they have been having a sweet deal on?  for how long?  If they have only been paying utilities, (no mortgage?  no taxes?), then there should have been plenty of time to save for a down payment on their own home.

Have you thought of asking them if they wish to purchase this home, since they are already living in it?  If this is an idea you might have, I would first get it it appraised, (not telling them why, just stating tht it needs to be done to possibly sell home), and then go to them with an offer of how much you are willing to accept?

I would not email, facebook, etc. unless Rien will not talk to you by phone.  I would wait a week or so, and think of a calm reply.

Somethng along the lines of, "Rien, there seems to have been some miscommunication.  I would like to clear this up if possible.  First off, start with what was actually said to her other half about the possible selling of the house and state what  is true.  Then, I would call her out on her FB status and let her know that you were really hurt by this.  You understand she might have have been upset by the miscommunication, but she should have called you first and discussed it before saying those things to everyone about you that can now never be taken back.  And you think it is really poor taste, especailly when you offered your home to them with only paying utilities.   Where else would she have found this kind of deal?   You hope that you can get together to talk and discuss this situation to eliminate any further communications."

OP has said that they turned down an offer to buy as the house didn't fit with their future plans

Roodabega

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #41 on: March 23, 2013, 12:09:51 AM »
I think this is a living example of the idea that if you give people things, at first they are very grateful, then somewhat grateful and then the gratitude wears off and they start to feel entitled.

I was feeling this way throughout the post.  I'd probably have to turn the computer off to keep from responding to the facebook post.   I'd try the route of calling and finding out what was going on with the FB post.  At some point between now and this summer, I would tell the couple that starting May 1 or some other similar date, that the you would need to start charging rent for the place.  Make it what ever is reasonable for the Southern City for a house in that neighborhood.

If they truly are looking for a house, that should be incentive.  You can couch the need for rent to whatever reason you want to use, or just give the rent amount with extra commentary.  Some people need to have to work for something to value it.  Based on what you have said, they don't value the sacrifice you're making for them.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #42 on: March 23, 2013, 05:11:37 AM »
If I were Rein, I would be regularly kissing your feet for giving me a long-term place to live rent free, not publicly b*tching about you on FB. That takes some gall.

I would give her 24 hours to calm down, and then I would call her on it. Publicly and privately. I like JenJay's suggestion.

Yup. I agree with CakeBeret and JenJay. I'd wait 24 hours, in the hopes that Rien will come to her senses, and remove the post (and send you an apology).

If she doesn't, I'd reply to that comment on Facebook (I too, like JenJay's wording) and send her a PM.

To me this all begs the question, If she is so furious with you, are you still a bridesmaid? And are you still willing if she even still wants that.

Good point! Frankly, I'd be sorely tempted to step down, if this is how she treats people who do her favours.

At the very least, I'd be strongly considering cooling the friendship.

Shortylicious

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #43 on: March 23, 2013, 07:52:27 AM »
In situations like this I like to respond with something along the lines of "I'm confused....help me to understand this right....Mark told the Hawk that you were going to househunt. So why are you upset that we are considering selling the house?" And then I'd let her know that I was hurt and disappointed by her post after we had let them live in my house rent free.
I remember how I got a little crazy planning my wedding. I'm usually a pretty laid back, easy going person but I recall one incident where I stepped back and thought "holy cow...I'm becoming a bridezilla!". Maybe after a calm conversation with you, she may realize that she's gone over the edge! Good luck.

bonyk

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #44 on: March 23, 2013, 08:09:03 AM »
I think responding on facebook would be fine, as long as it's done politely, using facts and not emotions.