Author Topic: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!  (Read 18372 times)

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iggylove

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #60 on: April 06, 2013, 08:00:30 PM »
Hello again!

Well... the p00p has hit the fan. And I am furious.

I spent most of yesterday evening texting with Rien. (Since we are so far apart, face-to-face isn't an option, and we work opposite shifts so speaking on the phone doesn't work out either).

She replied initially by telling me that she was angry and didn't know what to say. Then she followed up with the fact that "the whole house situation is affecting our friendship and I (Rien) feel hurt". I replied that since Mark had mentioned that they were planning on house-hunting, I didn't understand. Then we really got into it.

Rien is now accusing me of having a "master plan" to sabotage her life, by forcing her and Mark to look for a new place to live; because they will be strapped after paying for their wedding, they hadn't really been planning on looking for houses for a while. AND the icing on the cake: that it feels like a giant EFF-YOU that The Hawk & I are "doing this" to her.

I admit, I replied angrily, asking how long we were supposed to finance her life, and how long she would like me to put my dreams on hold, since apparently no one is allowed to have anything happening in their lives while she is planning her wedding. She didn't reply.

Through all this drama, Mark has remained level-headed and calm, communicating with The Hawk regularly about house issues etc. I realize that Rien is in wedding-crisis-mode, and honestly I don't believe that she is thinking straight. That doesn't change the fact that she has not only offended and hurt me, but she has officially made me angry.

So, e-hellions, I am at an impasse.

I am not going to let Rien's wedding (and attitude) make me miss out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

I will TRY not to take her attack personally.

And finally... I'm not sure I want to be her bridesmaid. Which breaks my heart, because Mark is one of my dearest friends, and I had thought Rien was too. :(

Help.

She is an ungrateful brat.  At this point, I would send her a certified letter to be out of MY house within 30 days, and I would drop out of the wedding.  She was never your friend, unfortunately.

Sharnita

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #61 on: April 06, 2013, 08:05:20 PM »
iggylove, I agree with your assessment of her but I think it sounds like Mark has been a friend which is why I suggested a meeting to lay it all out.  Frankly, I thought it might even be advantageous for him to be able to see his future bride's thought process first hand.

TootsNYC

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #62 on: April 06, 2013, 08:06:27 PM »
Handle everything through Hawk and Mark, or just let them do business and friendship as usual. Just skip having anything to do with Rien for a bit.

You tried, got burnt, so just step away for now. And let the bridesmaid thing just hang - you'll hear more when it's time for final fittings or whatever the next step is for your part. If money is the next step, I guess you have no choice.


Yep.

You're the grownup here. You're the one with enough self-awareness to see things clearly.

Give up your need to be right. And just let go of the friendship.

Just completely pull back. Leave ALL communication through your husband and Mark. About everything.

Trying to have any communication with her is just going to make things worse. Skip it completely.

Don't reply. Don't argue. Don't justify. Don't anything.

And you and DH decide how you want to live your lives, yes, and do what you want when you want.

For one thing, this leaves her room to come to her senses. It's possible she will.
At any rate, any communication now is just picking at the wound. Leave it alone.

For is it not written, "It won't get better if you pick at it"?

ChiGirl

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #63 on: April 06, 2013, 08:59:46 PM »
Rien is now accusing me of having a "master plan" to sabotage her life, by forcing her and Mark to look for a new place to live; because they will be strapped after paying for their wedding, they hadn't really been planning on looking for houses for a while.
I am not going to let Rien's wedding (and attitude) make me miss out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

If your "master plan to sabotage her life" starts by letting her live in your house rent-free, then you are the world's most ineffectual supervillian.  Dr. Horrible-level-ineffectual.

In all seriousness, she is being thoroughly irrational, so don't communicate until she comes to her senses.  (Which might be never.)


Iris

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #64 on: April 06, 2013, 09:14:50 PM »
I've been following this thread from the start and I now officially feel like I have been taking crazy pills. You had a (dun dun daaaaaaaah) Master Plan to destroy her life? Seriously? By letting her stay rent-free in your house? You evil cow!  ::) I wonder what universe she lives in that this makes even remote sense.

My advice is to just stay right away from her. There have been times in my life when I have known friends to go stark staring batpoo crazy for a week or so and then snap back to normality. Perhaps that's what's happening here. Either way, whether she is a backstabbing frenemy or just suffering from temporary insanity, there is nothing to be gained by talking to her right now. Let your DH stay in touch with Mark and see how the chips fall in the next little while.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

WillyNilly

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #65 on: April 06, 2013, 09:15:36 PM »
I would send her a email, cc'ing Mark. I would let her know she has 3 options:

1. She can apologise (and mean it) for her accusations, FB posts and all-around unjustified anger

2. They can start paying market value rent and sign a month to month legal lease

3. They can move out/face legal eviction

And I would give a time limit that one of the above is done/starts as of May 1. And then I'd sit back and wait. No further explainations, emails, texts, etc. Those are the only options, choose one.

sammycat

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #66 on: April 06, 2013, 09:25:57 PM »
I agree with options 2 and 3, and the waiting part, but I think there's not a snowball's chance in ehell of option 1 happening.

I would send her a email, cc'ing Mark. I would let her know she has 3 options:

1. She can apologise (and mean it) for her accusations, FB posts and all-around unjustified anger

2. They can start paying market value rent and sign a month to month legal lease

3. They can move out/face legal eviction

And I would give a time limit that one of the above is done/starts as of May 1. And then I'd sit back and wait. No further explainations, emails, texts, etc. Those are the only options, choose one.

Sharnita

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #67 on: April 06, 2013, 09:33:26 PM »
I agree with options 2 and 3, and the waiting part, but I think there's not a snowball's chance in ehell of option 1 happening.

I would send her a email, cc'ing Mark. I would let her know she has 3 options:

1. She can apologise (and mean it) for her accusations, FB posts and all-around unjustified anger

2. They can start paying market value rent and sign a month to month legal lease

3. They can move out/face legal eviction

And I would give a time limit that one of the above is done/starts as of May 1. And then I'd sit back and wait. No further explainations, emails, texts, etc. Those are the only options, choose one.

I don't think most of us expect that but I think it is included as an option for Mark's sake.

WillyNilly

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #68 on: April 06, 2013, 09:37:17 PM »
I agree with options 2 and 3, and the waiting part, but I think there's not a snowball's chance in ehell of option 1 happening.

I would send her a email, cc'ing Mark. I would let her know she has 3 options:

1. She can apologise (and mean it) for her accusations, FB posts and all-around unjustified anger

2. They can start paying market value rent and sign a month to month legal lease

3. They can move out/face legal eviction

And I would give a time limit that one of the above is done/starts as of May 1. And then I'd sit back and wait. No further explainations, emails, texts, etc. Those are the only options, choose one.

I don't think most of us expect that but I think it is included as an option for Mark's sake.

E
Exactly. Because this way *he* is fully aware why the would be lossing their sweet deal: because she refused to play nice and act like a rational adult, and intead dug her heels in like an insistant, spoiled brat.

AnnaJane

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #69 on: April 06, 2013, 09:44:33 PM »
I'd suggest including Mark on ALL further emails, texts, or talks, if only because it seems Rien isn't communicating with him either. From your update, it doesn't sound as if he's heard about her latest accusations of a Master Plan, or some of the text nastiness she's engaged in. And he thought they were all ready to start househunting any day now, so perhaps his fiancee hasn't mentioned how big the wedding bills are getting and why finding a new place is not in her plans anymore. 

doodlemor

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #70 on: April 06, 2013, 09:52:12 PM »
POD to those who think that any future communications go through Mark and Hawk.

Absolutely POD to GrammarNerd, who says that she may do something to the property.  Also to Poppea, who says that this whole thing is "very, very, crazy."

A close friend of ours owns a property that has 2 apartments, in addition to her family's living quarters.  One vindictive person flushed large amounts of lady products before she left, trying to damage the plumbing.  Fortunately our friend's husband is a contractor, and was able to dig up the pipes and fix the problem quickly.

Rien's behavior is so bizarre that I worry that she may be plotting something.  I think that you should inspect the property immediately after they vacate, and check everything carefully.  If Rien does something and the place sits empty for even a few days she will claim that there have been intruders.

blarg314

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #71 on: April 06, 2013, 10:26:45 PM »

Let me get this straight - you're letting her live in your property, rent free, and she's accusing you of trying to sabotage her life?

In your situation, I would phone first contact a property lawyer in the area of your house, to see what your options are for getting rid of your friends parasites. I say this because you may not simply be able to kick them out, depending on the local laws about residency and eviction.

Then I would phone Mark (not Rien) and lay things out plainly. You were happy to do them a favour by having them house-sit rent free. Rien's reactions recently have been totally appalling, and you feel like you've been slapped in the face and stabbed in the back in return for your attempts to help them. Quote texts if necessary. You're sorry it's gotten to this point, but you're not comfortable having them living on your property any more.  Then, depending on your talk with the lawyer, lay out your plans for what happens next, which will involve them moving out in the near future.

Yes, this will probably tank the friendship, at least in the short term. But if Mark is marrying the crazy, your friendship is probably not going to survive anyways, unless you're willing to re-arrange your life and finances to make things happy and easy for Rien. And, as others have pointed out, you're risking the resale value of your house and possible litigation if Rien goes further, and sabotages the place in revenge.

At this point, I think accepting an apology would be find from a friendship point of view, but not from a managing your property point of view. Keep all copies of correspondence, including texts, in case things escalate and you need to involve the police.
 

sammycat

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #72 on: April 06, 2013, 10:42:30 PM »

Let me get this straight - you're letting her live in your property, rent free, and she's accusing you of trying to sabotage her life?

In your situation, I would phone first contact a property lawyer in the area of your house, to see what your options are for getting rid of your friends parasites. I say this because you may not simply be able to kick them out, depending on the local laws about residency and eviction.

Then I would phone Mark (not Rien) and lay things out plainly. You were happy to do them a favour by having them house-sit rent free. Rien's reactions recently have been totally appalling, and you feel like you've been slapped in the face and stabbed in the back in return for your attempts to help them. Quote texts if necessary. You're sorry it's gotten to this point, but you're not comfortable having them living on your property any more.  Then, depending on your talk with the lawyer, lay out your plans for what happens next, which will involve them moving out in the near future.

Yes, this will probably tank the friendship, at least in the short term. But if Mark is marrying the crazy, your friendship is probably not going to survive anyways, unless you're willing to re-arrange your life and finances to make things happy and easy for Rien. And, as others have pointed out, you're risking the resale value of your house and possible litigation if Rien goes further, and sabotages the place in revenge.

At this point, I think accepting an apology would be find from a friendship point of view, but not from a managing your property point of view. Keep all copies of correspondence, including texts, in case things escalate and you need to involve the police.

I agree with every single word.   I also think you/DH, or someone you trust, needs to be there on moving out day so as to (A) make sure Rien doesn't damage the house in some way, and (B) you can take photos of the state of the house that day so that any damage you find can't be blamed on anyone else.

Good luck. This probably won't be pleasant, but Rien has left you with no other choice.

Sharnita

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #73 on: April 06, 2013, 10:58:16 PM »
I mentioned meeting with them and I still think that would be wise - it would aslo allow you to visit the house, make sure it is in good shape and maybe even take some photos so if any damage is done you have a record of what it looked like.

johelenc1

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Re: Bridezilla, passive-aggression, and drama! This post has it all!
« Reply #74 on: April 07, 2013, 12:25:38 AM »
What does your husband want to do?  I'm just curious if he is as angry as you are.  I think he should be.  But, men are often much less emotional about this sort of thing.

Personally, this would absolutely be the end of the free ride.  Sure, Mark is a nice guy, but sadly, since I'm assuming he actually wants to live with his soon-to-be wife, you have to kick him out along with her.  And, I would do it asap, instead of waiting.  Give them 30 days and get them out.  Then, put the house up for sale immediately.

If I were feeling really, really kind, (or if my hub made me) and if I didn't need the equity to buy the next house, I would find out market rent and if it wold cover the expenses on the house, I would give them a 30 day notice that starting on the 1st following 30 days, the rent is $X.  They can pay it, or move out by that date.

It then becomes their choice.  They can stay and pay like normal people avoiding the expense and hassle of moving.  Or, get out, and either buy or rent something else.

I also POD sending Hawk over when the letter is delivered to check the condition of the house - even taking pictures under the guise of "showing our real estate agent and getting ideas on what needs to be done to sell".  Hawk should also definitely "help" them move out to keep an eye on the house.  Hopefully Mark is a stand-up enough guy to prevail over his DF and leave the house in good condition.

And, there is no way I would be in this wedding.  I don't know if waiting to tell her will do any good if you plan on kicking them out or charging them rent.  Personally, I also would not demand Hawk back out too.  To me, that is entirely between he and Mark.  But, there's no rule that says you both have to be in the wedding or that you even have to go.