Prom Cling-on**UPDATE #87,#173**

[Yvaine]

And then for homecoming (less formal--dress code was called semi-formal, and it was cheaper and held in the gym rather than an offsite hall), all tickets were single and everybody paid the same price. It was only prom that had the special rules. There was also a ballroom dance class we all had to take in PE during the semester leading up to prom. I think the school administration had a vision of picturesque couples waltzing elegantly like in the movies. But that didn't really happen and they didn't play the right music for that anyway.

[Lorelei_Evil]

Let me put it this way: Napoleon Dynamite was filmed just up the highway a few miles. 

*I hate that song.*

[nuit93]

Add mine to that list.  No date, no ticket, no prom.  Very conservative town.

I was forbidden to attend any school dance. It was considered "worldly" and sinful. Very, very conservative parents. 

"Footloose" just got stuck in my head

[Elisabunny]

Let me put it this way: Napoleon Dynamite was filmed just up the highway a few miles. 

*I hate that song.*

Howdy, Neighbor!

I grew up in a different state, where non-dating groups were also unheard of.  So another friend and I spent the evening watching Red Dawn and High Road to China.

[BeagleMommy]

Mine was 1983, but you were allowed to buy single tickets.  The only restriction was you had to either be a senior or dating a senior to go.  That and the band was not allowed to play anything by Ozzy Ozbourne.  The school district considered him vulgar. 

[TootsNYC]

The prom at our school was hosted by the juniors for the seniors.
Each member of the junior and senior classes was invited and allowed to bring another perso; you could invite anyone you wanted. Or not invite.


And from the time you were freshmen, your class was raising money to host the party. So you hosted the party your class could afford, which often included recruiting mom-type volunteers to make and serve the food in the gym, which you had all decorated. MY class paid to host everyone at a country club not terribly far away--we were fund-raising whizzes, apparently.

[Minmom3]

As for the senior ditch day story, I think that being left behind bc no one likes you is the kind of thing that really scars a person. I know it wasn't necessarily anyone's responsibility, but it doesn't seem like appropriate karma for being annoying. It is the kind of thing  someone might post here as an example of how insensitively they were treated in school.

Would it help to mention that Friend's first inclination was to be nice to Girl despite the fact that when, a year earlier, Girl heard Friend's father had died, she said "I wish my father were dead; I pray for that every night" (say this to a guy whose beloved father had just died unexpectedly?).  I didn't mention it because I didn't think it germane to the story, but Girl wasn't just annoying -- she was really obnoxious.  I was friends with a lot of people who weren't great (Friend, himself, could be pretty over-the-top), but Girl went far beyond that.

I don't think I agree - I think there should be a penalty for being an annoying person, much less for being a obnoxious person.  Behavior has consequences.    Not being friends with someone has consequences.  We all learn to moderate our behavior because of the results prior behavior brings us.  Just because somebody doesn't pick up on the annoyed looks coming their way doesn't mean being firmer in expressing annoyance with them is a wrong thing to do.  Being a teen in high school means learning how behavior affects one's life, and it isn't the schoolmates responsibility to make sure that all feedback is warm and fuzzy.  It's not pre-K, and not everybody loves you, and that's just life.  People need to be socialized just like pets do, and it's an ongoing learning experience for everybody involved.  Not everybody is friends with everybody else, and of those that they ARE friends with, there are different levels of friendship and closeness.  High school is THE time when that plays out.  The days of "Mommy, she's mean to me" are long gone by high school, or they should be.

[Lynn2000]

As for the senior ditch day story, I think that being left behind bc no one likes you is the kind of thing that really scars a person. I know it wasn't necessarily anyone's responsibility, but it doesn't seem like appropriate karma for being annoying. It is the kind of thing  someone might post here as an example of how insensitively they were treated in school.

Would it help to mention that Friend's first inclination was to be nice to Girl despite the fact that when, a year earlier, Girl heard Friend's father had died, she said "I wish my father were dead; I pray for that every night" (say this to a guy whose beloved father had just died unexpectedly?).  I didn't mention it because I didn't think it germane to the story, but Girl wasn't just annoying -- she was really obnoxious.  I was friends with a lot of people who weren't great (Friend, himself, could be pretty over-the-top), but Girl went far beyond that.

I don't think I agree - I think there should be a penalty for being an annoying person, much less for being a obnoxious person.  Behavior has consequences.    Not being friends with someone has consequences.  We all learn to moderate our behavior because of the results prior behavior brings us.  Just because somebody doesn't pick up on the annoyed looks coming their way doesn't mean being firmer in expressing annoyance with them is a wrong thing to do.  Being a teen in high school means learning how behavior affects one's life, and it isn't the schoolmates responsibility to make sure that all feedback is warm and fuzzy.  It's not pre-K, and not everybody loves you, and that's just life.  People need to be socialized just like pets do, and it's an ongoing learning experience for everybody involved.  Not everybody is friends with everybody else, and of those that they ARE friends with, there are different levels of friendship and closeness.  High school is THE time when that plays out.  The days of "Mommy, she's mean to me" are long gone by high school, or they should be.

I have to agree. To me, there is a big difference between 1) actively seeking out Susie, who's minding her own business, and calling her names or getting her attention only to dramatically shun her; and 2) drawing a boundary when Susie tries to intrude upon a group's conversation/space/activity, perhaps by ignoring her or refusing to do the favor she wants. I think the former is rude; and the latter is fundamentally not, though of course people can go about it in a rude way.

I feel like the OP's daughter is struggling to do 2) in a polite way, and good for her; I think the update about the text message is heartening. It may still be a painful, embarrassing lesson for AG to learn, but that doesn't mean DD and her friends are being rude. If they want to be nice, that is a different story, and beyond polite.

I think if the girl in the senior ditch day story had wanted a ride, she should have arranged one in advance; in the story it sounds like she just stood around and hoped/assumed someone else would offer her a ride. The risk you take with that is that no one else is willing/able to give you a ride, and you can't go where everyone else is going. Now if someone had promised her a ride, and then they went back on that and left without her--THAT would be rude and cruel, and could leave scars. Being left behind because you failed to make plans in advance is a natural consequence.

[LifeOnPluto]

Good update. I hope that AG is able to attend the prom and have a good time (perhaps she should try to go with the other girls at the lunch table who aren't in the OP's DD's group?). I'd love to hear an update, after the prom, as to how it all went.

My high school had Balls in Year 11 and Year 12. Rules were fairly flexible. You could buy single tickets (thank goodness! If my school had had the "you can only buy tickets as a pair" rule, I'd have never been able to attend, as I was hopeless when it came to getting a date in high school). You were also allowed to invite people from other years, and from outside the school. The only rule was that you couldn't take a date of the same gender (my school was a private, religious one).

I've also heard weird stories from friends who attended other private high schools in my Home City. If their date went to another private school, they were allowed to attend, no questions asked. However, if their date attended a state high school, they (the date) had to pass an interview with the school principal, to see if they were worthy enough to attend!

[LazyDaisy]

The only restriction I remember from HS dances in general is that any potential attendees from another school had to have special permission -- my school wanted to check to make sure that a) they were in fact a high school student and not older than 19 or younger than 14 and b) they didn't have a disciplinary action at their school -- no suspensions or expulsions. For instance if they had been banned from attending their own school's dance, they couldn't come to ours either.

It sounds like letting AG know DD already had a group went well.

[CreteGirl]

I was proud of the way my son handled his senior prom.  Although he and his buddy would have liked to taken dates to the prom, neither of them had a girlfriend at the time.  So they went as each other's date, and did not worry what anyone thought. They had a blast.

[TheaterDiva1]

Is there an update OP?

[Raintree]

I had to google "homecoming" and "prom" as, while I have seen such events in Amercian movies, all we ever had was "dances" and "grad." (Grad being a bunch of parties and dances to celebrate graduation." So I guess a prom is a dance, for seniors? I'm Canadian and graduated 30 years ago, so forgive my ignorance.

What I find very interesting in this thread is the notion of going to the prom in groups, and not mixing with other groups. I guess it's the norm in some regions, but it just strikes me as odd. Our whole class of 150 mixed and mingled together at the grad celebrations. Of course, you had your circles of friends, but the idea of being in set groupings that don't mix with other groups, by design, seems pretty antisocial to me. Once you're out in the real world, it's kind of frowned upon to never step outside of your own narrow little circle, so I am not sure why it would be encouraged in high school.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not really criticizing, but I just find it interesting that it would be the norm somewhere else. I would definitely encourage the OP's daughter to find a way not to be stalked and pestered by someone she doesn't like, on her special day. It's very difficult to get away from such people without feeling like a big meanie.

[kareng57]

I had to google "homecoming" and "prom" as, while I have seen such events in Amercian movies, all we ever had was "dances" and "grad." (Grad being a bunch of parties and dances to celebrate graduation." So I guess a prom is a dance, for seniors? I'm Canadian and graduated 30 years ago, so forgive my ignorance.

What I find very interesting in this thread is the notion of going to the prom in groups, and not mixing with other groups. I guess it's the norm in some regions, but it just strikes me as odd. Our whole class of 150 mixed and mingled together at the grad celebrations. Of course, you had your circles of friends, but the idea of being in set groupings that don't mix with other groups, by design, seems pretty antisocial to me. Once you're out in the real world, it's kind of frowned upon to never step outside of your own narrow little circle, so I am not sure why it would be encouraged in high school.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not really criticizing, but I just find it interesting that it would be the norm somewhere else. I would definitely encourage the OP's daughter to find a way not to be stalked and pestered by someone she doesn't like, on her special day. It's very difficult to get away from such people without feeling like a big meanie.

I'm also Canadian, but I've observed that many parents of girls (I had boys) refer to the graduation dinner/dance as "prom".  This seems to be fairly recent.  However for Grade 10 and 11 students - there's really no such thing as "junior prom".

[jedikaiti]

Proms come in a few varieties... my school had 2, one in spring (for sophomores, juniors & seniors) and one in the winter, for juniors and seniors only. Homecoming I know squat about, as my school didn't really have one (I think it has something to do with football, and I went to a girls' school) and I wasn't asked to homecoming at any other school.

For my school, it was a little different, as it was a small school (my graduating class was 40 girls), so yea, you'd go in a group with your friends and their dates, but you might mingle a little more with everyone else.

I spent a semester at a much larger public school. I skipped prom, but that was a school where each graduating class was 150+ students. It was hard to KNOW everyone by more than a passing glance. (I'm trying to find out how that compares to the national average, but everything I am finding is giving class sizes as X students per 1 teacher (or how many per meeting, rather than the whole graduating class).) At any rate, if they have a prom for just juniors and seniors, figure about 300 people attending - a good chunk with dates from the same school, some skip entirely, some without dates, and some with dates from other schools. Or, way too many to spend any meaningful time with everybody, and a lot of them you don't know in the first place. So it's really not that people are being deliberately exclusive most of the time, it's just a HUGE number of people, and generally considered a night to remember with your friends.