Author Topic: Prom Cling-on**UPDATE #87,#173**  (Read 36251 times)

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Yvaine

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Re: Prom Cling-on**UPDATE #87,#173**
« Reply #225 on: April 09, 2013, 08:47:19 PM »
Also why do people talk about going to "prom" as opposed to "the prom?"  I think in my neck of the woods we said "the prom."

I heard both. No idea why.

Black Delphinium

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Re: Prom Cling-on**UPDATE #87,#173**
« Reply #226 on: April 09, 2013, 10:02:15 PM »
Also why do people talk about going to "prom" as opposed to "the prom?"  I think in my neck of the woods we said "the prom."

I heard both. No idea why.
I'd imagine its regional, like "I had to go to hospital" as opposed to "I had to go to the hospital".
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TootsNYC

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Re: Prom Cling-on**UPDATE #87,#173**
« Reply #227 on: April 09, 2013, 10:06:04 PM »
Also why do people talk about going to "prom" as opposed to "the prom?"  I think in my neck of the woods we said "the prom."

I heard both. No idea why.
I'd imagine its regional, like "I had to go to hospital" as opposed to "I had to go to the hospital".

I heard both in the same region. I don't think there's any kind of rule--just sometimes people don't want to bother w the extra syllable of "the."

Or perhaps they think of it as nearly a proper noun (which wouldn't get an article in front of it).

Lady Snowdon

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Re: Prom Cling-on**UPDATE #87,#173**
« Reply #228 on: April 09, 2013, 10:20:23 PM »
All through this thread, I've been thinking that, to me, it would be worse to find out after the fact that people didn't want to hang out with me but were too "nice" to say so.  If you know a particular group of people doesn't want to include you (and there are so many reasons why they wouldn't), then you can go look for another group to attach to.  If you don't know that people don't want you around, and you start to build up the idea that you belong in this group, that these are good friends of yours, etc, and then you find out later that nobody was really comfortable with you being around, and no one said anything, that's just devastating. 

When it happened to me, it really made me question whether I was "worthy" of being anyone's friend at all.  I still have problems with this tendency, and it's been a good 12-15 years since the incident that caused me to doubt myself initially. 

I think the OP's DD did a good thing in letting AG know before prom that she wasn't part of the group, and it was done in a very nice way - just a statement of facts, with no judgement implied. 

kherbert05

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Re: Prom Cling-on**UPDATE #87,#173**
« Reply #229 on: April 09, 2013, 10:59:31 PM »
I think there is a big difference between a Dance with 150 people and a dance with 500 + people. The 500+ people dance is going to have smaller groups with in the group because of the size. There are people I graduated with (550 - 600 people in my class), who I did not know. My school was a 5A school, so we had more than 2100 people in our school.
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baglady

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Re: Prom Cling-on**UPDATE #87,#173**
« Reply #230 on: April 09, 2013, 11:34:30 PM »
I had to google "homecoming" and "prom" as, while I have seen such events in Amercian movies, all we ever had was "dances" and "grad." (Grad being a bunch of parties and dances to celebrate graduation." So I guess a prom is a dance, for seniors? I'm Canadian and graduated 30 years ago, so forgive my ignorance.

What I find very interesting in this thread is the notion of going to the prom in groups, and not mixing with other groups. I guess it's the norm in some regions, but it just strikes me as odd. Our whole class of 150 mixed and mingled together at the grad celebrations. Of course, you had your circles of friends, but the idea of being in set groupings that don't mix with other groups, by design, seems pretty antisocial to me. Once you're out in the real world, it's kind of frowned upon to never step outside of your own narrow little circle, so I am not sure why it would be encouraged in high school.

Traditionally the prom is a couples event, and while a couple will certainly socialize with other people at the prom, they are expected to mainly focus on each other. I can see the same thing happening when it's a group instead of a couple -- they will socialize outside the group but the bulk of their socializing will be within it. It isn't "by design" or encouraged; it just happens.

I'm class of 1976 and the idea of going to the prom stag or in a group was unheard of in my day. You went with a date or you didn't go at all. I envy the youngsters who have these other options.
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joraemi

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Re: Prom Cling-on**UPDATE #87,#173**
« Reply #231 on: April 10, 2013, 09:02:48 AM »
Op here.   :)

To clarify on the "group" thing.  The group is sort of your "home base" so to speak.  They are the kids you are going to organize transportation with, sit with at dinner, and most likely spend the majority of your time with over the course of the evening.  However, everyone in the group still mingles and spends time with everyone else (and all the other groups!) at the dance/afterprom. Almost like a secondary "date" for those going with a date, and the group functions as the "date" for those kids techinically going "alone".

Did that make sense *at all*?  LOL

Anyway - as to the original situation - Prom isn't until the end of May, so I don't have anything to report in terms of AG's behavior at the dance.  I do know that a couple of days after the "clarifying text" was sent I checked in with DD and she said AG was acting perfectly normal at school, at the lunch table, etc. and there didn't seem to be a problem with hurt feelings or anything.  I haven't heard any rumblings about it since then, but I'll check in with DD so we can have accurate info!

Side note - we are going for a final fitting of DD's dress today. :)




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workingmum

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Re: Prom Cling-on**UPDATE**
« Reply #232 on: April 16, 2013, 08:10:48 AM »
Personally, I think the OP's daughter would have fonder memories of The Prom if she didn't carry with her the memory of how she and her friends actively worked to exclude one poor girl who was desperate to find a group to hang with.  That's just kind of how I feel about it.  The years go by and I know that I, personally, have regrets about how I treated some people when I was that age.  I wish I didn't have to live with that.

I think she would have fonder memories of the prom if she didn't have memories of one girl who couldn't be bothered with her any other day of the week and only used OP's daughter when it was convenient for her turning the entire event to be about her.

It really goes both ways and I don't like the insinuation that if the OP's daughter doesn't roll over and turn into a doormat she is not a good or nice person.

I agree with this! I get that it's the "Nice" thing to do to include AG, but why should OP's DD have to sacrifice her enjoyment of her big night? AG has already proved herself to be be not such a nice person by trying to copy off DD and by ignoring what DD wanted to do at Homecoming. It's as much DD's prom as AG's. Why should AG's happiness be prioritised over DD'S?
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workingmum

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Re: Prom Cling-on**UPDATE #87,#173**
« Reply #233 on: April 16, 2013, 09:19:17 AM »
Add mine to that list.  No date, no ticket, no prom.  Very conservative town.

I was forbidden to attend any school dance. It was considered "worldly" and sinful. Very, very conservative parents.  :P

But then a new kid showed up and got the whole town dancing?   ;D

Close!  Horribly stupid movie, but close!   :D

Nooooooo!!!!!! Say it isn't so!

Ok - so it wasn't the most logical movie ever.. but dingdangity! It's a classic!
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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Prom Cling-on**UPDATE #87,#173**
« Reply #234 on: April 16, 2013, 10:46:00 AM »
I cringe to remember how I was when prom was approaching.  I wasn't allowed to go alone, though honestly I had no problems at all doing so.  I had to have a date. Not just a group, but a date.  By the way, this was '97, but these were my mother's rules, not told to me until about 2 weeks prior to the dance when I said "Well I don't have a date, but I don't care, I'll go by myself." thinking  "Guys get to go stag and no one cares, so I'll go stag!"

Now as a mother I can understand not wanting one's daughter to go alone to the prom for safety reasons, but I would say "Oh get some friends together to go with you!" But no, I had to have a date, and I got embarrassingly desperate, only to not end up going at all.  :-[
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Lorelei_Evil

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Re: Prom Cling-on**UPDATE #87,#173**
« Reply #235 on: April 16, 2013, 10:53:46 AM »
I never even bothered to tell my mother when it was, because I knew she'd throw a FIT that I didn't have a boyfriend.

Yvaine

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Re: Prom Cling-on**UPDATE #87,#173**
« Reply #236 on: April 16, 2013, 11:13:05 AM »
Also why do people talk about going to "prom" as opposed to "the prom?"  I think in my neck of the woods we said "the prom."

I heard both. No idea why.
I'd imagine its regional, like "I had to go to hospital" as opposed to "I had to go to the hospital".

I heard both in the same region. I don't think there's any kind of rule--just sometimes people don't want to bother w the extra syllable of "the."

Or perhaps they think of it as nearly a proper noun (which wouldn't get an article in front of it).

Proper noun is probably hitting the nail on the head. That and parallelism with Homecoming, which no one calls "the Homecoming."

rain

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Re: Prom Cling-on**UPDATE #87,#173**
« Reply #237 on: June 09, 2013, 07:26:25 PM »
final update?


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