Author Topic: No, Really, I'm Happy For Them  (Read 5802 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

lolane

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1259
No, Really, I'm Happy For Them
« on: March 25, 2013, 05:53:31 PM »
Background: I am 4 months pregnant. I just learned that my cousin is 3 months pregnant. I am over the moon with excitement over this. This cousin was born one month after me and we had a lot of fun together as kids, and now our children are due to be born one month apart.

My problem is that everyone in my family seems to think I'm going to be upset over this news. People have made comments about her "stealing my thunder" and have approached me cautiously thinking I'm going to fly into a rage at the mere mention of someone else's pregnancy. One person even said, "she stole your spotlight once when you were born, and now she's doing it again!"

I've laughed off their concerns and just said, "I'm really happy for them and really excited that I have someone else to share this experience with at the same time," but it doesn't seem to be getting through. Also, I am slightly offended that people really believe I'm so selfish that I'd actually be angry about my cousin's happiness. Is there anything else e-hell approved that I can say that makes it very clear that I'm done having this conversation and that I find it offensive that it keeps being brought up?

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30848
Re: No, Really, I'm Happy For Them
« Reply #1 on: March 25, 2013, 05:59:10 PM »
I might say, puzzled, "You're not serious, right?"

And then, "you know, people have been making that joke all my life--frankly it's annoying. I'd like to ask you to never make it again, yourself, and to do what you can to influence other people to stop.
  "Even if you think you're joking, it makes me look like a petty, small-hearted person. And that's really unfair to me.
    "Also, I would hope my cousin knows that it's YOUR joke and not mine, but if she hears it, she may feel really awkward around me.
    "Please, can you help me get people to stop? If they think they need to say something, they can say, 'How neat that you two have so much in common!' "

The reason I vote going for the longer explanation is that these are people who are around awhile, and a longer explanation is worth the investment.


TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30848
Re: No, Really, I'm Happy For Them
« Reply #2 on: March 25, 2013, 05:59:55 PM »
Or put something like that up on Facebook (edit the settings for that specific post so it can be seen only by family members and not friends--they don't need to get the message).

rose red

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7733
Re: No, Really, I'm Happy For Them
« Reply #3 on: March 25, 2013, 06:12:00 PM »
"I'm hurt/offended that you think that of my character."

kherbert05

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10413
    • Trees downed in my yard by Ike and the clean up
Re: No, Really, I'm Happy For Them
« Reply #4 on: March 25, 2013, 06:56:34 PM »
I would just go on about how you loved having a cousin so close in age and you hope your kids are as close as the two of you are. If the want to start drama people keep pushing it then go with the "Why do you have such a low oppinion of me?" type line.


My cousin got married about a month after sis. Some people tried to start his type of drama with them. Sis did the "did you realize you just grew a second head" stare followed with "Why are you trying to cause trouble between cousin and I?" In this case they were "friends" not family and trying to stir up trouble because they are bored boring people who must stir trouble and sling mud. Funny thing these people were NOT invited to either wedding.
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future

ti_ax

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 82
Re: No, Really, I'm Happy For Them
« Reply #5 on: March 25, 2013, 07:50:14 PM »
My two DDs are planning weddings for this summer, three weeks apart. With DW's birthday in the middle.  :D

Fragglerocker

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 41
Re: No, Really, I'm Happy For Them
« Reply #6 on: March 25, 2013, 08:44:51 PM »
All you can do is continue to show your genuine happiness for them, and maybe add in a comment about how excited you are to have someone close to you to go throw this journey with, and that your new child will get a built-in friend & playmate.   Saying comments to try to defend your character probably won't have much an impact on the people who are guessing you'll be upset about the thunder-stealing. 

SPuck

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 985
Re: No, Really, I'm Happy For Them
« Reply #7 on: March 25, 2013, 09:15:03 PM »
I'm curious about the people who are making the comments. Are they certain family members or a generation?

jmarvellous

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3530
Re: No, Really, I'm Happy For Them
« Reply #8 on: March 25, 2013, 10:30:58 PM »
I'm on a board where people DO get really upset about this sort of thing, and it seems like the sort of thing reality TV is built on -- status-symbols, spotlights, attention and who's best/coolest/first. It boggles the mind, but it is at least superficially quite prevalent.

So I think they're just responding to the idea that that warped sense of "me! me! me!" is the norm, not that YOU have personally been an attention-grubber or that you're not enthusiastic enough about your cousin's pregnancy.

I'd just keep saying, "What? No! I'm so thrilled for Cousin! It was so fun growing up with a cousin so close in age to me. Our kids are going to love it." Or "What's so bad about having cousins close in age? It worked out great for us!" Or just repeat the title of this post.

Magnet

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 155
Re: No, Really, I'm Happy For Them
« Reply #9 on: March 26, 2013, 10:15:23 AM »
This may be a situation where actions speak louder than words.  Go shopping with cousin, talk to her frequently about pregnancy issues, and enjoy her company.  Eventually, these pot stirrers will understand that you are truly happy for cousin.

Calistoga

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 401
Re: No, Really, I'm Happy For Them
« Reply #10 on: March 26, 2013, 11:01:35 AM »
"Stealing my thunder? Heck no, we're just going to gang up on the rest of you guys and make one heck of a storm!"

If jokes don't shut them up, cut to the chase "Look, I'm genuinely happy for Cousin. Please stop trying to cause drama where there is none."

Also possible "Oh...would you be upset in my position? I'm not." Most people would have a hard time saying "Yes, I'd be real mad if someone had the gall to conceive so soon after me."

BeagleMommy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3194
Re: No, Really, I'm Happy For Them
« Reply #11 on: March 26, 2013, 11:45:53 AM »
I would probably go with something like "Are you serious?!" or the one eyebrow arch followed by the Spock-like "Fascinating.".

MariaE

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4681
  • So many books, so little time
Re: No, Really, I'm Happy For Them
« Reply #12 on: March 26, 2013, 01:46:42 PM »
My oldest cousin is exactly 1.5 months younger than me. Growing up, he was one of my best friends.

I'd LOVE it if one of my sisters got pregnant at the same time as I did, so I could offer my child the same experience.
 
Dane by birth, Kiwi by choice

LadyClaire

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9903
Re: No, Really, I'm Happy For Them
« Reply #13 on: March 26, 2013, 01:49:50 PM »
Assuming you all weren't sharing your plans to try for a baby, the pregnancies being so close together kind of makes it hard for your cousin to have deliberately stolen your thunder. She would've gotten pregnant around the time you all were just finding out, right?

I'd just laugh and say "No, I love that our children will be so close in age. I have really great memories of growing up with Cousin".

My sister really badly wanted me to be pregnant around the same time as her, because she wants our kids to grow up close. Her son will be a year old soon, and she's thinking of trying for a second one soon, and keeps asking if I'll be trying soon as well.

Deetee

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5659
Re: No, Really, I'm Happy For Them
« Reply #14 on: March 26, 2013, 01:51:42 PM »
I think some preemptive enthusiasm would work well. When anyone brings it up go with" I know! Isn't it great? it will be so much fun having a cousin so close in age. Christmas will be so much fun." If they still bring up the thunder thing go with looking at them like they have two heads.