Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

Asking for an item before it's served

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Poppea:

--- Quote from: Sharnita on April 11, 2013, 06:48:38 AM ---
--- Quote from: Poppea on April 11, 2013, 12:09:03 AM ---When I serve a buffet dinner, I would set up the dinner items on my dining room table.  I try to make everything look nice.  The plates are stacked her, the various platters arranged just so.

Then the dessert buffet is in my sunroom, again arranged in a preplanned way.  I would be really disappointed if someone wanted be take a dessert "to go" from my dinner party.  I'm not a restaurant.  I certainly would not appreciate cutting into a cake before my guests had an opportunity to go "ooh" and "ah"   A brownie or cookie oud bother me less, but it seems pretty entitled.  (I like baking). 

If Reba was sick and needed to go home, then she was sick.  But how sick can you really be if you can ask for a dessert in a doggy bag?  If I was leaving an event early because I wasn't feeling well, I would never

--- End quote ---

What you describe doesn't sound like a caual buffet to me.  Buffet or not it actually sounds like it has a different mood than  seems to be described in the OP.

--- End quote ---

THe OP described it this way:

"Again, buffet-style - it had been set up in the dining room, and everyone filled their plates and gathered in different areas to eat, so it definitely wasn't a formal, sit-down dinner."

If I was grilling hot dogs it would still  feel rude to me. 

ETA - it feels like an entitlement.  Like they are owed a dessert. 


WillyNilly:
At Easter my aunt-in-law hosted about 12 of us. She and her husband by far have the biggest home. Her kitchen counters had the drinks, ice bucket, cups/glasses and corkscrew, and 2 desserts (one in a box, one a cookie platter in a big cellophane poof on top of the box), 2 more desserts were in the fridge. The sideboard in the dining area had the snack/hos d'vourves (crudite & dip, hummus, pretzels, jellybeans, cheese crisps, etc) and the dining room table was pushed against a wall and was where dinner was served buffet style. Between the plates, cutlery, napkins, roast, salad, potatoes, cooked veggie and ham the table had no extra room.

There was no convenient place to pre-serve dessert had someone asked for it.

And while it was certainly a casual party, when the dining room table was switched over to dessert, it was still an "oooh and ahh" situation because - hey that platter of cookies was beautiful as well as tasty looking, and the box opened to reveal a truffle cake, and out of the fridge came a home made rabbit-shaped cake (which we all wondered about the flavor of and then felt silly - of course it was carrot cake ;D).

Paper Roses:

--- Quote from: Poppea on April 11, 2013, 12:09:03 AM ---If Reba was sick and needed to go home, then she was sick.  But how sick can you really be if you can ask for a dessert in a doggy bag?  If I was leaving an event early because I wasn't feeling well, I would never

--- End quote ---

She didn't ask for it in a doggy bag, and she didn't ask for it for herself.  She asked if Bill could have it, and he would eat it before they left (meaning within the next few minutes).

And being sick enough to leave early doesn't necessarily mean on one's deathbed.  I've had colds, or been recovering from surgery, or other ailments that may cause a "run down" feeling for weeks that while I don't really feel so sick I can't interact with anyone, I know I just don't have the stamina I usually do. 

Poppea:

--- Quote from: Paper Roses on April 11, 2013, 06:40:07 PM ---
--- Quote from: Poppea on April 11, 2013, 12:09:03 AM ---If Reba was sick and needed to go home, then she was sick.  But how sick can you really be if you can ask for a dessert in a doggy bag?  If I was leaving an event early because I wasn't feeling well, I would never

--- End quote ---

She didn't ask for it in a doggy bag, and she didn't ask for it for herself.  She asked if Bill could have it, and he would eat it before they left (meaning within the next few minutes).

And being sick enough to leave early doesn't necessarily mean on one's deathbed.  I've had colds, or been recovering from surgery, or other ailments that may cause a "run down" feeling for weeks that while I don't really feel so sick I can't interact with anyone, I know I just don't have the stamina I usually do.

--- End quote ---

Thats worse then.  Nothing says "hurry up you're eating too slow" to the other guests than someone else eating dessert when you've just started dinner.

Asking to have dessert when dinner has just been announced is rude.  Bill must have wolfed his dinner down (which is okay if he needed to leave), but no one really needs dessert.   I'm sure there was plenty of food out already.  It wasn't an issue of hunger.  It was entitlement.  It made the hostess leave her guests, go into the kitchen & serve something ahead of time.  Its not polite to treat your hostess like a waitress.  And thats what they were doing.

Mopsy428:

--- Quote from: TurtleDove on March 26, 2013, 03:49:23 PM ---To me this is such a non-issue, especially at a casual buffet gathering. 

Regarding Thipu1's story, I also don't really understand that either.  I think the women was likely a bit rude in her delivery, given the way Thipu1 told the story, but I can't understand why Thipu1 was miffed to begin with.  Had the woman not brought the tray, there would have been no cookies or statue at all.  I also think it is not bizarre for guests at an all day open house to expect everything to be out at once.

Short answer: I don't see the big deal at all.

--- End quote ---
The woman in Thipu1's story was rude because you don't give someone a gift and then ask for part of it back so you can give to your son. The woman should have either told her son, "Sorry, Johnny, you may not have the statue. It's a gift for Thipu1" or she shouldn't have given the gift at all.

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