Author Topic: Asking for an item before it's served  (Read 12955 times)

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Zilla

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Re: Asking for an item before it's served
« Reply #30 on: March 26, 2013, 10:01:52 AM »
I wouldn't be offended, especially since the OP said they are an adorable couple.  Which means to me they are often polite and fun.  I would not be offended in the least and get the slice for uncle while offering to wrap up some if they want some to go.  I simply am not that uptight or anal about controlling how the party goes.  Again especially with the OP saying how casual the party was.

Thipu1

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Re: Asking for an item before it's served
« Reply #31 on: March 26, 2013, 10:02:51 AM »
I had something like this happen some years ago and I was a bit bothered. 

An acquaintance and her young son attended a New Year's Day open house.  They brought a lovely platter of cookies from a good local bakery as a Hostess gift. In the center of the platter was a statuette of Father Time and the Baby New Year.  The whole thing was wrapped in cellophane.  It made a perfect decoration for the buffet and a welcome addition to dessert. 

These New Year's Day parties were day-long affairs.  it started with bagels, Danish and quiche at 11 AM.  Sandwich makings and salads were provided around 3 PM.  6PM was time for the chili and the lasagna.  Between 7 and 8 PM was time for dessert and coffee.  No one stayed for the entire time because they had other open houses to attend.  It was a drop-in and move -on affair and no one ever asked for anything that wasn't on the buffet. 

Long before dessert time, the woman and her son were getting ready to leave.  At the time we had about 30 people in the house but she tracked me down and ordered me to open the cookies.  She'd promised her son that he could have the statuette and she wanted it NOW!

I did it and the cookies went back into the kitchen to wait for dessert and coffee time.  I admit I was a bit miffed, but what else could I do? 


Zilla

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Re: Asking for an item before it's served
« Reply #32 on: March 26, 2013, 10:11:26 AM »
I had something like this happen some years ago and I was a bit bothered. 

An acquaintance and her young son attended a New Year's Day open house.  They brought a lovely platter of cookies from a good local bakery as a Hostess gift. In the center of the platter was a statuette of Father Time and the Baby New Year.  The whole thing was wrapped in cellophane.  It made a perfect decoration for the buffet and a welcome addition to dessert. 

These New Year's Day parties were day-long affairs.  it started with bagels, Danish and quiche at 11 AM.  Sandwich makings and salads were provided around 3 PM.  6PM was time for the chili and the lasagna.  Between 7 and 8 PM was time for dessert and coffee.  No one stayed for the entire time because they had other open houses to attend.  It was a drop-in and move -on affair and no one ever asked for anything that wasn't on the buffet. 

Long before dessert time, the woman and her son were getting ready to leave.  At the time we had about 30 people in the house but she tracked me down and ordered me to open the cookies.  She'd promised her son that he could have the statuette and she wanted it NOW!

I did it and the cookies went back into the kitchen to wait for dessert and coffee time.  I admit I was a bit miffed, but what else could I do?


Um that has nothing to do with the OP's post.  That lady was over the line rude.  She basically gave you a gift and demanded it back.  That is just wow.

Dorrie78

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Re: Asking for an item before it's served
« Reply #33 on: March 26, 2013, 10:17:11 AM »
I had something like this happen some years ago and I was a bit bothered. 

An acquaintance and her young son attended a New Year's Day open house.  They brought a lovely platter of cookies from a good local bakery as a Hostess gift. In the center of the platter was a statuette of Father Time and the Baby New Year.  The whole thing was wrapped in cellophane.  It made a perfect decoration for the buffet and a welcome addition to dessert. 

These New Year's Day parties were day-long affairs.  it started with bagels, Danish and quiche at 11 AM.  Sandwich makings and salads were provided around 3 PM.  6PM was time for the chili and the lasagna.  Between 7 and 8 PM was time for dessert and coffee.  No one stayed for the entire time because they had other open houses to attend.  It was a drop-in and move -on affair and no one ever asked for anything that wasn't on the buffet. 

Long before dessert time, the woman and her son were getting ready to leave.  At the time we had about 30 people in the house but she tracked me down and ordered me to open the cookies.  She'd promised her son that he could have the statuette and she wanted it NOW!

I did it and the cookies went back into the kitchen to wait for dessert and coffee time.  I admit I was a bit miffed, but what else could I do?
"No, I'm sorry but the statuette is part of the table decoration. He can have a cookie, though."

Mikayla

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Re: Asking for an item before it's served
« Reply #34 on: March 26, 2013, 02:59:17 PM »
I'm kind of in the middle, mainly because I think this is a know your audience type thing.  And it isn't just about Reba and how close she is to the couple, or even the fact that it was casual.  I can picture myself hosting casual events where it wouldn't even land on my radar and I can picture myself in other events finding it rather offputting.

On the latter, picking up on something Toots said, if I had planned a separate serving of dessert on the terrace, with after dinner drinks and coffee, this would really annoy me.  Not only might others decide they want dessert sooner, it also means I drop what I'm doing and either serve it up or package it.  At other events, if someone had to leave early, it could be *me* offering the dessert.

SoCalVal

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Re: Asking for an item before it's served
« Reply #35 on: March 26, 2013, 03:30:05 PM »
I vote for rude to ask in general.  It should've been up to the hosts to offer dessert to the guests leaving early.  Reba also could've worded it differently and given the hostess the opportunity to offer or not, like "I'm sorry, but we're going to have to leave early as I'm not feeling well.  I'm sorry that Bill is going to have to lose out on dessert as I know he was really looking forward to that."  If Hostess did not then offer some to them to take home, that would've been Reba's understanding that they weren't okay to take some home with them.

However, DH and I had dinner the other night with his aunt and uncle at their house.  Aunt offered us decaf, and I asked if they had regular coffee available since DH was driving, it was around 8pm and we had about a 2.5 hour drive home ahead of us.  I told him EH would've called my actions rude, but I figured it was okay since this was family (and they were fine with it and located some regular coffee to make).  I think, with others, we would've declined the decaf then stopped somewhere along the way home to get him some regular coffee.



TurtleDove

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Re: Asking for an item before it's served
« Reply #36 on: March 26, 2013, 03:49:23 PM »
To me this is such a non-issue, especially at a casual buffet gathering. 

Regarding Thipu1's story, I also don't really understand that either.  I think the women was likely a bit rude in her delivery, given the way Thipu1 told the story, but I can't understand why Thipu1 was miffed to begin with.  Had the woman not brought the tray, there would have been no cookies or statue at all.  I also think it is not bizarre for guests at an all day open house to expect everything to be out at once.

Short answer: I don't see the big deal at all.

camlan

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Re: Asking for an item before it's served
« Reply #37 on: March 26, 2013, 05:28:19 PM »
To me this is such a non-issue, especially at a casual buffet gathering. 

Regarding Thipu1's story, I also don't really understand that either.  I think the women was likely a bit rude in her delivery, given the way Thipu1 told the story, but I can't understand why Thipu1 was miffed to begin with.  Had the woman not brought the tray, there would have been no cookies or statue at all.  I also think it is not bizarre for guests at an all day open house to expect everything to be out at once.

Short answer: I don't see the big deal at all.

In Thipu's story, I'd have expected the statute to be a hostess gift, along with the cookies. So asking for it back was sort of odd.

As for the OP, my feeling is that if you are leaving a party early, you are leaving early. That might mean missing a course or two. But that's your decision. Telling a host you are leaving early and asking for something that hasn't been served yet, is, well, kind of like having your cake and eating it too.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


StuffedGrapeLeaves

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Re: Asking for an item before it's served
« Reply #38 on: March 26, 2013, 05:33:05 PM »
I wouldn't be bothered with serving dessert early to Bill, but I would be bothered by the way Reba asked for it.  If she had just said, "We need to leave earlier because I don't feel well," I would have automatically offered to box up dessert or to bring out dessert for them right then so they can have some.  But demanding it on your schedule instead of the host's seems presumptuous to me. 

Judah

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Re: Asking for an item before it's served
« Reply #39 on: March 26, 2013, 05:39:38 PM »
This is the kind of thing that I would never do, but, unless I was having a formal, sit down meal, wouldn't bother me coming from someone I was close to.  So, I guess I think that it is technically rude, but since I don't stand on ceremony with family, wouldn't bother me.
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WillyNilly

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Re: Asking for an item before it's served
« Reply #40 on: March 26, 2013, 07:05:16 PM »
When I host I end up spending most of the day cooking and prepping. I have usually been on my feet all day long and I am typically the last to get to sit down and make myself a plate, especially in a serve-yourself buffet style dinner. I'll either be grabbing just one more quick thing that didn't make it to the table, or making up plates for my kids, or feeding the baby, etc.

I'm imagining this scenarios as: I finally got myself something to eat and sat down when a guest comes up to me wanting dessert. And yes, this has happened to me before. So I get up, get the dessert out, someone else notices what I'm doing and assumes it's dessert time, I end up having to put out all the desserts and the serving utensils/dessert plates. To make room for the desserts on the table I'm packing up dinner and putting it away. Then one of the kids needs something, another guest asks me something or starts up a conversation and I finally return to my place to find that a helpful soul has cleared my plate.

This for me.
My details are different (no kids, etc) but the same basic gist. It throws off the timing - for me, for the meal, for the guests. You can't just give one person dessert - once its out other people will want some. And then you have to put it all out, otherwise someone who brought a dessert might be miffed, etc.

JenJay

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Re: Asking for an item before it's served
« Reply #41 on: March 26, 2013, 07:21:23 PM »
This is the kind of thing that I would never do, but, unless I was having a formal, sit down meal, wouldn't bother me coming from someone I was close to.  So, I guess I think that it is technically rude, but since I don't stand on ceremony with family, wouldn't bother me.

This is where I am. At first I was thinking "That doesn't sound like an issue to me, I wouldn't mind." and then I thought about it from the perspective of the person who needs to leave early. I can't imagine asking my host to get out a dish that hadn't been served yet and fix me a to-go plate. I could see the conversation going more like this:

DH: We need to go, I don't feel well
Me: Aww, but she has several yummy desserts for later! Are you sure?
DH: Yeah, I really need to get home.
Me: Okay but you owe me a warm brownie topped with Ben & Jerry's!
DH: Deal!
Then I'd find the hosts, make our apologies and quietly sneak out

kckgirl

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Re: Asking for an item before it's served
« Reply #42 on: March 26, 2013, 07:50:50 PM »
I think Reba and Bill should have just thanked their hosts, made their apologies for having to leave early due to illness, wished them a good evening, and left. It would then have been up to the hostess to offer dessert to go (or not).
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sparksals

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Re: Asking for an item before it's served
« Reply #43 on: March 26, 2013, 08:28:00 PM »
When I host either a formal or casual event, I am always the last to sit down and eat.  For my Annual Boxing Day event which is buffet casual, most food is on the table, but desserts come later.  Since I wait for all my guests to be eating, I would be extremely put out if someone asked me to serve dessert. 

This would mean I would have to get up from my meal, the meal I spent days preparing, to comply with the request.  I don't think it is too much to ask for a hostess to also be able to sit down and eat the meal she spent so much time preparing after ensuring everyone else has a plate. 



sparksals

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Re: Asking for an item before it's served
« Reply #44 on: March 26, 2013, 08:33:09 PM »
To me this is such a non-issue, especially at a casual buffet gathering. 

Regarding Thipu1's story, I also don't really understand that either.  I think the women was likely a bit rude in her delivery, given the way Thipu1 told the story, but I can't understand why Thipu1 was miffed to begin with.  Had the woman not brought the tray, there would have been no cookies or statue at all.  I also think it is not bizarre for guests at an all day open house to expect everything to be out at once.

Short answer: I don't see the big deal at all.

I disagree with the bolded.  My Boxing Day is an all day into the late night event.  I have many different foods coming at different times, with dessert being last.  If I put everything out at once, many would be cold after a short period.  I have many different appetizers I prepare that need to be served hot.  People will eat, then come back to the table for more when more new stuff comes out. 

I basically serve everything in shifts.  If I run out of something (which is rare.. I usually make too much), I want to have something with which to replace it. 

Doing it in shifts also gives a nice variety.